Christianity Oasis Forum

[blessedprincess]

I have been married for almost 5 yrs to this man, he has been neglectful, hurtful, abusive mostly verbal (very seldom physical). Anyway i have been struggling with the decision to get a divorce from this guy because he is indeed really mean to me and has no intentions of changing his ways.

To be honest i've cheated on him too, as a result of my problems with sex and problems with the marriage, i am sincerely unhappy and i want out, during the time we were living together (we haven't been for about a year now) we've had unprotected sex and was unscucessful in reproducing, however i was sad but not totally sad because i didn't want my son or daughter hearing and seeing things that was being told to me and the way i was being treated.


I have totally lost hope for this marriage improving, he says he loves me but i don't believe him. He confessed to me that he cheated on me and the woman has a baby for him, bragged to all his friends and so fort, now he's telling me it was all a lie, c'mon how can you lie to hurt the one you love, that don't make sense.

I want out of this marriage sometimes i get hope that this will turn around for the better but apparently i'm just holding on to false hope because he has no intentions to change. So the best thing for me to do is cut my losses call it quits and believe in God for a better husband for me.

One that will love and respect me and treat me like the queen that i am, indeed.

[lizzie]

sister blessed

It seems that both parties have made mistakes that have contributed to the breakdown within your marriage.

Is it irreparable? Only God can let you know this. If you are still unsure, and from your words it appears you are, then it is best to not act hastily but to make sure your decisions are guided by God and not by fears or emotions.

He will speak to your heart and let you know. Pray pray and pray some more, and sister? know that NOTHING is impossible for our God and that if something is His Will, He will move mountains to make it happen. So seeking His will is key, for if we try to act against that it will only cause us more pain in the long run.

So be hopeful of the fact that God is for you, and as long as you remain in Him whatever may come, He will be there to see you thru it.

GBU blessed

[Tam]

Blessed......you need to really rely on and listen to God on this matter. Sometimes seems the easy road out would be to divorce although that is not an easy road out either. I hear a lot of hurt in this marriage in know that a lot of forgiveness needs to be given. I can't tell you to get a divorce and I can not tell you to stay married...but I can tell you to seek God's matter on this , forgive and listen to hear God's voice. I will be praying for you sis

[Dora]

The fact that you are hear in this study shows you still have concern, hope, and love for your marriage and spouse.


Mark 10:27
And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.


God can make any marriage a wonderful loving union.

[changedforever]

Dear Blessed Princess
So sorry to hear of the struggles you are facing in your marriage.
I so agree with the other replies here in that "NOTHING is impossible for our God," (Luke 1:37), "nothing is too hard for Him" (Jer 32:17)
The problems you face are not uncommon in marriage, many marriages face difficult situations, many fall into sin, and sadly many fall apart.
But we serve a Mighty God who is able to do anything in our lives if we are willing to believe and totally trust Him for it. He is able to take our broken situations, marriages and restore them. Yes the way may be hard, and the waiting in the process to see God's hand move in your situation feels like forever, you may tend to feel as though God has abondoned you, or forgotten the pain and suffering you are going through. But I assure you sister this is not the case. God does not turn a blind eye to a "broken and contrite heart" nor does He turn a deaf ear to our cries, (Ps 3:4), (Ps 18:6). Obviously both you and your husband have betrayed each others trust in having relations outside of your marriage as well as falling into sin in this. But again all is not lost when we repent (1 John 2:1, 2 )".... we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:... he is the atonement for our sins, also "there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus". (Rom 8:1)
You may "have totally lost hope for this marriage improving" but that's according to your thinking and strength not God's, He tells us "not to lean on our own understanding for our thoughts are not His thoughts neither are our ways His ways." We must not lose hope in the midst of the battle nor grow wearing in well doing, for "we shall reap if we faint not." (Gal 6:9)
We may want to run, and escape out of our tough situations cause we feel we simply cannot handle it, but God says He will not allow us to suffer anything we cannot handle. If we have submitted ourselves to God, and have entrusted our situation into His hands to mend that which we can't then we can be assured to know that God will be at work on it. We may not see instant results in our situations but if we "faint not", "fear not only believe" the Lord will bring about the change needed. As a woman myself who seen my husband fall away from the Lord for 10 years I can testify to you that the Lord indeed brought about the change in his heart, He also did a work in my heart through all those years of waiting. When we put our trust in Him we shall not be defeated, God is our defense and He will not fail us.
The answer will come as we committ, submit, surrender our hearts and lives to Him, when the Lord becomes our only Way, our only answer, our only Hope, our all in all, and we wait on His timing.
(Ps 37:5) - "Commit thy way unto the LORD, trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass."
If your hope is in God then it is not "a false hope", only God can bring the change needed in us and in our partners.
To want out and seek a "better husband" in another marriage you will be bringing with you not only the hurtful experience but also your own problems with sex. Also according to the New Testament Christians who marry and who's husband are still alive is considered to be adultry. (Mark 10:12) Except it be for fornication (Matt 19:9) Consider God's word on this and pray about it before you make your decision to leave your marriage and remarry. Obvioulsy there are indeed abusive situations that woman need to separate themselves from so they are not in danger, no woman should remain in a continual physical abusive relationship that is a danger to herself or children if there are any.
I encourage you sis to continue to trust in the Lord with all of your heart for God to bring healing and restoration in your marriage, don't give up cause the Lord does want more for both of your lives together. He wants to make you one in Him and give you both an abundant life in Him of which only He can give. He has a plan for your life, .... to give you an expected end. (Jer 29:11) Bless you Sis

[blessedprincess]

yesturday i was reminded of a terrifying event that took place between me and him earlier this year. Where he tried to push me over a cliff, that's not toooooo far from where i lived.

We were talking about about me moving back in with him, and i told him that i ain't moving back in until his attitude changed. At that time i was sitting on the side of the hill and he sat in the jeep that was parked right next to me, he took one hand and pressed my shoulder in attempt to push me over, when he didn't succeed, he got out the jeep, when he did i moved and went into the center of the road, he said he wanted to kill me, i said i want you to look up and repeat what you just said, i said look up and say it again.

I said God says he sees you and he is watching you, all he did was look at me. And that was earlier this year, and i totally forgot about that part or i guess i never really took it seriously before, but it came fresh in my mind yesturday.

[Dora]

blessedprincess I am sorry this happened to you.

It must be difficult to trust a person after he did this to you.

I hope he's gotten an understanding of his anger and can control it.

[comfy]

Well, you can get with whoever the real Jesus people are, where you are, Princess. And find out together as one how God has you take care of this while you are sharing in love and peace with one another. You have probably put too much of yourself into one relationship, so now you need to get with the real Jesus people, so you can find out better how to love and relate, so then you are ready to connect with your husband the right way > become how you want to be in marriage, so you are ready for this.

See how Jesus is, for a while, having your fill of love with Him as your Groom . . . and He can decide if He pleases to trust a guy with you or not. And if He doesn't . . . you'll be perfectly satisfied with Jesus

[changedforever]

Dear Sis Blessed Princess

Having just read your post regarding "a terrifying event that took place between me and him earlier this year. Where he tried to push me over a cliff,....."
I can understand in hearing this how you would be taking all the precautions necessary to protect yourself, from him and his threat against you "he said he wanted to kill me,...." Personally I would do as others mentioned here and that is to strengthen your relationship and walk in the Lord, allow Him to be your all in all, allow Him to cause you to grow in areas where you find you are having difficulties. Allow your focus to be all about the Lord first and foremost in your life, and leaving your husband in the hands of the Lord to work on through the mighty power of His Holy Spirit. For only God can bring about the change needed in your husband, with change comes the demonstration of good works and fruit following. You will be able to see change in him. But if at present you feel your life is in danger and don't feel safe living with him then you do not have to feel forced to do such. In this process thus committing yourself unto the Lord and praying for your husband and marriage as so many have encouraged you to do, with the help of others in whom you can confide and trust in, good strong Christian influences. There are also many excellent Chrisitan reading resources for marriage. Yours is not an "isolated" situation, many to date are where you are but Praise God for He is our Hope, we are not left hopeless living in this world nor in our marriages. Ps 46:5 - "God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early." Ps 48:14 "For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death." Also if your husband has refrained from uttering threats as well as showing any signs of physical threat I would not continue to dwell on the past of what he said or tried to do over a year ago and thus bringing fear in your heart to present. One can continue to be cautious but do not allow for the past to haunt you or cause you to be easily beset by it but rather place any fear in the hands of the Lord that He will bring healing to your heart. "For God has not given you the spirit of fear but of power and of love and a sound mind." (2 Tim 1:7) also (Isa 26:3) "Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee." God will never fail you, for He is with you always. Ps 46:1 God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble. Bless You Sis