Christianity Oasis Forum

[Poefenjaf]

Day 1

Ok

So I have started this journey today. Why? I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I have done many counseling programs and loads of discipleship stuff, and each one of them have been hugely beneficial.

I wonder what this one will reveal about me and TO me.

I am having huge issues at the moment with just the way I see myself and how others see me ... or don't see me. I have known abuse, rape, shame and rejection, but from all of these I have found some healing at least. It is a journey I guess.

I don't see myself as badly and negatively as I used to ... I have come a long way from that. This is good, yes, but ... I don't see myself as BETTER yet and therein lies the issue for me I think. I don't see myself as useless or worthless or anything bad like that (mostly anyways) anymore, but ... I also don't see me as precious, beautiful and priceless yet either.

I want to get there.

Who am I? How am I? What do I deserve? What DON'T I deserve? What makes me invaluable to people and to God?

I am hoping to find out ....

[Dora]

Poefenjaf

Glad to see you are doing the counseling. I am certain it will give you the spiritual lift you seek.

My prayers will be with you. Don't give up as you know you are called by your daddy God to do this. He's seeking to heal you and bring you into a closer relationship with him.

What you are saying is not uncommon. There are many dealing with the same issues right now.

I'm thinking the Lords had enough of the enemy beating up his daughters. He's ready to impower them for his service.

I'll be learning from you as we walk through this together.

love ya

[mlg]

Poe, welcome to the counseling program. I am so delighted you have decided to begin this journey. You know how we see ourselves, can often play a large part in how we see God. See the Holy Spirit lives within us, and when we are walking in the Spirit...we are showing God. It's those times we decide to fall back and live in the flesh that makes us start questioning what we look like, how we act, who we are etc. Work on walking more in the Spirit throughout this journey of the stepping stones...and watch the refinement God will make in you.

Can't wait to see what He has planned for you.

luv ya sis

[Poefenjaf]

Thanks my Pinenutty. Already I am wondering why the HECK I am doing this blog publicly ... Who do I think I am to make my issues seem important?

I like keeping private, private. But my testimony is ultimately His story ... and why should I keep His story private?

[Dora]

1 corinth 6

19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

[Poefenjaf]

Awww mlg .. .ty my sis. I am scared, yet determined ...
My ultimate goal is to get closer to Him - and what better way than to get rid of what is not OF Him?

[mlg]

You asked sis, why your doing this blog publicly? I can answer that...so that you may be able to share your story with another who is where you have been. That is why....to help another.

And yes, getting rid of what is NOT of HIM....that will make you MORE like HIM!

luv ya

[Dora]

Poe you don't realize how coming public with this has already helped two people.

Trust me on this.

You are doing the will of the Father.

Bless your sweet spirit.

[momof3]

poepoe

Jesus is never finished with us. He is refining and healing and molding us everyday. Im so happy to see you going through these steps. As you do, soak up what the spirit of the Lord would show you. He WANTS you to see how precious...how priceless you are to Him. His definition of us is so different from what the world and our experiences in it have told us. You will see, me poepoe. love you much, girl.

in Jesus,
momo

[foreverHis]

[Poefenjaf]

If you girls only knew what your support means to ME ....

[Poefenjaf]

Day 2

Hmmmmmmmmmm

SO I have weeds huh? I wonder how many were planted by others and watered by me - and how many were even planted BY me!
O.o
Already I am trying to get out of doing this program, but I will keep going. SOMETHING good HAS to come from this, otherwise why the resistance to it?

So what are some of the weeds I need to pull out and dig out?

1. Lies told by my aunt that I am worthless and would never amount to anything (and from my grandpa and others).
2. The picture of my aunt putting a photo of me on the toilet door - because with such an ugly face like mine I would chase even bad smells away ...
3. The lies told by the guys who raped me saying that it was my fault and that no other man would ever look at me twice.

And the biggest weed of all ....

4. My lies in believing all of this and CONFESSING with my mouth that I am worthless, ugly and a waste of space.

I have found that I am constantly putting myself down - always jokingly, but the acid that comes out of my mouth has been destructive. I worship God in church and lead worship up front and with the same mouth that I worship my Daddy God, I destroy myself. Surely the two can NOT co-exist? How much of what God has planned for me have I destroyed? This is not me feeling sorry for myself... this is just reality. Something I MUST and WILL weed out.