Christianity Oasis Forum

by **ChildsCry** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:39 pm

So can anyone spare a rock?

MIght as well visual about this...since i do have o drive down the long road past the hell house. Its vacant and i could of gotten specific locations etc. but i didnt want to dig somewhere where i shouldnt anyways. Its not about crawling into mud and trying to look for diamonds. I wanna be able to stand back and look at it...not touch it..if that makes sense.

for starters..see the slideing glass doors? thats where my bedroom used to be.

The Pine tree next to the house was an escape for me as well..and the river below.....

by **ChildsCry** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:21 pm

Ok so i was looking over the steps and i quit at day 4.
Over view..

Day 1..

Why me? well just say i was in the wrong place at the wrong time huh? Stuff happens.
I didnt deserve it. I couldnt or didnt stop it cuz i was a kid. Didnt know what to do or think.
Why didnt God stop it? Free will...yeah i get that.

Nothing you can do it change it...whats done is done.
Not going to sit in it.

------------------------------------------------------

Day 2

I know no that it was wrong the stuff that happened.

Back then i was just plain scared and felt unprotected and heard.

As for unconditional Love...still trying to figure out what that means and feels like.

Day 3

My tree was the hideing place only til my brother found and would threaten to take the rope down.
Also i had a closet i stayed when things got rough.
Over all i would have to say the river was my protector...sweet smell of the river calmed me.

As i grew older....things caught up with me sexually....the snuck dad's wine..later dad's friend...then started the cutting and more drinking. I mean what more escape was there at the time than dad's best friend coming to the widow with a case of wine coolers..only to exchange for touch and feelie stuff...only to have a hangover the next day. seems like all my escapes worked for amoment.

A good escape came later when i went to a church...my pastor would come get me when i needed to get out of the house..that was a good escape.
I sure miss him.

Day 4
Roller coasters.
I think the only rollercoaster i ride is with depression. but as i find myself in the bible more these days.....it seems not to come as much..

Masks.......
Humour. Sarcasim..anger..not as much tho anymore..so thats cool..
I think the thing that i got hung up on is removing the masks..
i have been trying to do that...and still learning to lay them down. but i dont put them too far out of my reach....just incase.. I think as my faith builds...things ill get easier to not use them as much.

Another mask is ..the fact that i refuse to feel things as deeply as i should...for so long..i have shut off my emotions. so now its hard to get them back. But i think God is gonna deal with that cuz i cant.

Ill do step 5 tommorrow.

by **mlg** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:22 pm

Jesus is the Rock sis.
One thing important is that you were able to share this with others today sis. See for so long you have hid inside the nightmares. Now your bringing the nightmares into the Light...and Jesus can take those nightmares away. Yes Goliath was(is) a big giant...but it only takes ONE rock to still the giant forever.

luv ya sis

by **ChildsCry** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:40 pm

Matthew West

The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

by **mlg** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:49 pm

Amen sis, you aren't just going through the motions anymore, you are moving forward. So good to see you beginning to feel something, allowing God to make a change in you.

luv ya

by **ChildsCry** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:45 pm

Day 5

Oh yah i did this one too..but it wasnt much.
dont think i had labels..other than shy..and the funny daughter.....or the bold one when i got older.

......

really dont have anything on this day.

by **mlg** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:06 pm

Just want to say, luv ya sis. Keep your eyes above always.

*hug*

by **splash** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 5:09 pm

Hi Childs!

Speak to the rock before their eyes, and it will yield its water; thus you shall bring water for them out of the rock, and give drink to the congregation and their animals." Numbers 20:8

Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high."Luke 24:49

Good to see ya back on the stairway

Love ya sis!

Splashi

by **ChildsCry** » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:28 am

Day 6

Love..

This is hard one for me to totally get. I do know God loves me but it hard accepting that he loves ME. if that makes any sense.

As i am reading thru the bible..i see how he loved Noah...etc..i think im starting to get it..but i havent really have been at the point of fully getting it yet..i know we prolly cant fully understand His love...but i want to get to the point of saying "yes i know without a doubt he does". In the same way Him dieing on the cross he has proven that..so that part i get..but to accept it personally and feeling okay with it i might need more time on it.

I have a hard time accepting Love from others and from Him thinking im not deserving of it..i know none of us do ..but....i dunno..arg.! I think as i know him personally more and more he will reveal what i need.

by **mlg** » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:36 am

That's exactly it sis. See you have been unloved so much throughout your life by people, that when Jesus stands and offers you His love you hesitate to accept it. You spoke the Truth though, when you said as you become to know Him more personally, He will reveal what you need. It's more than that though, you will come to realize just who He can be in you. Keep growing with Him sis. Your doing great.

luv ya

by **ChildsCry** » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:50 am

sorta bummed that i dont have the love thing down tho...frustrating to see others praiseing and loving God when i dont have that zeal yet. Maybe im in that Thankful stage ...i dunno...

by **mlg** » Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:09 pm

Pssttt let me share a secret with you...We all have our own walks with God. You are right where HE wants you to be. Be patient, He'll bring you forward at His pace in His time.

luv ya

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