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by mlg » Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:10 pm
You know Splash, you are an awesome testimony to what God can do for a soul who has been trough what you have. You took your past pain and hurts, and have used them to protect and care for others who are where you have been. What a blessing you are to many. I'm glad to hear that you have been able to forgive those who have hurt you. This shows that you have allowed God to bring you up and out of where Satan would have you to be. I smile to read your post.
As for the other, sorry I misunderstood...I thought that was where your thoughts were for the day.
Keep doing the steps sis.
luv ya
As for the other, sorry I misunderstood...I thought that was where your thoughts were for the day.
Keep doing the steps sis.
luv ya
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mlg 
- Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
3-escape
by splash » Fri Mar 13, 2009 7:19 pm
Awww you guys are the greatest. I love you all oodles and boodles.
I enjoyed today's step. I will admit i've been master escape artist and I DO miss the old escape hatches but I won't forget the pain they led me into. My esapes go beyond the obvious addictions. I am highly skilled at veering conversations and redirecting attention away from dangerous topics.
I loved all the verses on Jesus being my hiding place. Does this mean I can no longer throw my blanket over the dining table and make a fort to hide out in? I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up yet.
I googled the songs and listened, then stopped to pray and fell asleep... so yeah i'm starting to relax... i think that knot in the back of my neck is softening and my breathing is slowing. Rest is just around the corner.
God bless ya all
I enjoyed today's step. I will admit i've been master escape artist and I DO miss the old escape hatches but I won't forget the pain they led me into. My esapes go beyond the obvious addictions. I am highly skilled at veering conversations and redirecting attention away from dangerous topics.
I loved all the verses on Jesus being my hiding place. Does this mean I can no longer throw my blanket over the dining table and make a fort to hide out in? I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up yet.
I googled the songs and listened, then stopped to pray and fell asleep... so yeah i'm starting to relax... i think that knot in the back of my neck is softening and my breathing is slowing. Rest is just around the corner.
God bless ya all
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splash
Love you splish by mlg » Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:39 pm
Splash, you know it's so awesome to see you are beginning to bring down some long built up walls. Instead of truly allowing God to heal you, you've found ways to escape...and those ways aren't necessarily healthy or Godly ways. This is so good to hear you are working on running to Jesus. He is smiling on you.
Keep doing the steps sis.
luv ya
Keep doing the steps sis.
luv ya
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mlg - Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Ballooons Day 4
by splash » Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:02 am
I woke up this morning knowing it has to be the day I die.
Don't freak out and call 911 I'm not committing suicide at least not physically... but certainly it's time to kill my self off.
Reading this I may appear calm but that is only because I've been through the roller coaster of emotions already from anger, fear, frustration, despair and sadness. You are fortunate to be joining me as I disbark from splashmountain.
I was going to go to the store and buy helium balloons, i still may get just one. It's just difficult doing that knowing that they float out over the Gulf and cause death for the sea turtles who eat them thinking they're jellyfish so I guess my own memorial service will have to take place in my mind's eye.
So.... tightly gripping the strings of a bunch of helium balloons, i walk along the path at the park... coming out to the lake, and then up the hill where I can be alone and there are no trees to interfere with my mission. Pausing to pray... feeling the warmth of the son on my back, the wind of the Spirit breathing in my face... feeling my fingernails digging into my flesh as i tighten my grip on the strings.
The blue balloon... my favorite. With a permanant marker right on the balloon I write "Overseas Missionary". God knows that has been a dream of mine and a source of great frustration. I never understood why God would call me to the field and not call my husband but it's no longer my concern I give it up.
Watching the balloon float up and away as i am so aware of the bitterness this one balloon... nothing but a shell of air.. has brought me ... toward my husband, myself, God. I pray that God and my husband will forgive my unforgiveness discontentment.
On the yellow balloon I list my desires ... worldly travels, sexual fulfillment, hiking, campfires... unwind the string from my fingers and reluctantly allow it to float free. Whatever God desires for me will be enough.
My heart lurches as I write names on the red balloon... relationships i cannot hold onto.. people i care about who have disappeared from my life... men i love.... my children... they all belong to God not to me. I pause and add my husband's name to the list... yes I surrender my relationship with him to the Lord also. I release the string and strain my tear-filled eyes as I watch until the balloon becomes nothing more than a red dot and then disappears into the son. I can't pray, God knows it hurts and I know Spirit will intercede.
Purple... such a passionate color... A smirk crosses my face as i write PRIDE in bold block letters. How God must shake his head at me and my antics. Who the heck did I think i was fooling? As the balloon soars up I consider throwing a rock at it and wish it would rise faster. I look at the path and consider that by the time I reach the bottom of the hill I'll probably have my feet muddied with more pride again and realize I will have to return daily with purple balloons.
On the Orange balloon I list my emotions. I'm thankful that God made me an emotional creature and that He allows me to experience each of them to the fullest. They are a large part of life but I surrender them to Him for His will to be done in me. Fear, Grief, Sadness, Anger, Remorse, Love... up up up and away ....
looks down at my empty hands.... brings them together... kneels and prays
Don't freak out and call 911 I'm not committing suicide at least not physically... but certainly it's time to kill my self off.
Reading this I may appear calm but that is only because I've been through the roller coaster of emotions already from anger, fear, frustration, despair and sadness. You are fortunate to be joining me as I disbark from splashmountain.
I was going to go to the store and buy helium balloons, i still may get just one. It's just difficult doing that knowing that they float out over the Gulf and cause death for the sea turtles who eat them thinking they're jellyfish so I guess my own memorial service will have to take place in my mind's eye.
So.... tightly gripping the strings of a bunch of helium balloons, i walk along the path at the park... coming out to the lake, and then up the hill where I can be alone and there are no trees to interfere with my mission. Pausing to pray... feeling the warmth of the son on my back, the wind of the Spirit breathing in my face... feeling my fingernails digging into my flesh as i tighten my grip on the strings.
The blue balloon... my favorite. With a permanant marker right on the balloon I write "Overseas Missionary". God knows that has been a dream of mine and a source of great frustration. I never understood why God would call me to the field and not call my husband but it's no longer my concern I give it up.
Watching the balloon float up and away as i am so aware of the bitterness this one balloon... nothing but a shell of air.. has brought me ... toward my husband, myself, God. I pray that God and my husband will forgive my unforgiveness discontentment.
On the yellow balloon I list my desires ... worldly travels, sexual fulfillment, hiking, campfires... unwind the string from my fingers and reluctantly allow it to float free. Whatever God desires for me will be enough.
My heart lurches as I write names on the red balloon... relationships i cannot hold onto.. people i care about who have disappeared from my life... men i love.... my children... they all belong to God not to me. I pause and add my husband's name to the list... yes I surrender my relationship with him to the Lord also. I release the string and strain my tear-filled eyes as I watch until the balloon becomes nothing more than a red dot and then disappears into the son. I can't pray, God knows it hurts and I know Spirit will intercede.
Purple... such a passionate color... A smirk crosses my face as i write PRIDE in bold block letters. How God must shake his head at me and my antics. Who the heck did I think i was fooling? As the balloon soars up I consider throwing a rock at it and wish it would rise faster. I look at the path and consider that by the time I reach the bottom of the hill I'll probably have my feet muddied with more pride again and realize I will have to return daily with purple balloons.
On the Orange balloon I list my emotions. I'm thankful that God made me an emotional creature and that He allows me to experience each of them to the fullest. They are a large part of life but I surrender them to Him for His will to be done in me. Fear, Grief, Sadness, Anger, Remorse, Love... up up up and away ....
looks down at my empty hands.... brings them together... kneels and prays
-
splash
by mlg » Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:26 am
I am absolute moved from your shared words today. To know that you are releasing locks on the doors that have kept you from healing totally. From all the past whether people, places or things, the Lord begins to release you. Yes there are still some things in your life that you may not totally understand, and there will be things as you continue through your life that you will never understand...but in reality as you have released each balloon...you have realized that it doesn't truly matter...all that matters is God and you. God is making you a new creation...the old is passing away.
This is such an awesome study for you splash. I know this hasn't been easy for you, but I also know that it has been much needed for you.
luv ya lots sis
This is such an awesome study for you splash. I know this hasn't been easy for you, but I also know that it has been much needed for you.
luv ya lots sis
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mlg - Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
by lizzie » Sat Mar 14, 2009 12:42 pm
Splishers 
*throws a rose into the water*
I too say goodbye to the old splash.
And now a celebration of the new creation, the NEW splash.
The one with that clean white slate, upon which she can write and draw the things that the Lord leads her to.
The one who has such hope in her heart, knowing that our Lord is faithful and unchanging and that He will provide all her needs in His perfect time.
The new splash who has and will continue to extend the grace she gives to others, to herself also, and in so doing will obey the commandment of our Lord to forgive ALL.
The one who knows she need not hide behind a mask for fear of judgement, and understands that God's love is unconditional.
The one who fights like a true soldier of God...
To the new splash! *raises a glass of sparkling grape juice*
*throws a rose into the water*
I too say goodbye to the old splash.
And now a celebration of the new creation, the NEW splash.
The one with that clean white slate, upon which she can write and draw the things that the Lord leads her to.
The one who has such hope in her heart, knowing that our Lord is faithful and unchanging and that He will provide all her needs in His perfect time.
The new splash who has and will continue to extend the grace she gives to others, to herself also, and in so doing will obey the commandment of our Lord to forgive ALL.
The one who knows she need not hide behind a mask for fear of judgement, and understands that God's love is unconditional.
The one who fights like a true soldier of God...
To the new splash! *raises a glass of sparkling grape juice*
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lizzie
Day 5
by splash » Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:36 pm
Mom had a little song she used to sing to me. "There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very very good but when she was bad she was horrid".
Until I was about 15 years old my brother constantly reminded me I was ugly, stupid, worthless, dumb, clumsy, helpless. For the next 35 years I said the same things to myself everytime I looked in the mirror. We can really be our own worst enemies, can't we? Now I listen to what my Father says about me in His loveletter:
Until I was about 15 years old my brother constantly reminded me I was ugly, stupid, worthless, dumb, clumsy, helpless. For the next 35 years I said the same things to myself everytime I looked in the mirror. We can really be our own worst enemies, can't we? Now I listen to what my Father says about me in His loveletter:
Last edited by splash on Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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splash
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