Just have questions and need help

[JandSBaker2009]

I am just looking for some advice and someone to talk to. see i was abused from the time i was 7 till i was 18 and able to get away from him. well now i am married and just got married jan 3rd of this year and my past is now starting to take a toll on our life. i love him so much but i can show it nor can i recieve love from him. i do not want him to touch me. i know he is my husband and i am his wife and i do not know what to do. it is every girls dream to get married and have the perfect wedding day. well my wedding was great but i was scared to death to leave and when it came time to do so i was in tears. i don't know what to do at this point i want this to last.

please help if you can

[mlg]

Hey J&S Baker, welcome to the Oasis. I want to share a couple of counseling programs we have here at the Oasis. I believe that one of these programs might just begin to help you heal. They are both free of course.

Here is the COOL Counseling program link: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Here is the one for incest abuse counseling program: http://www.christianityoasis.com/questf ... t/Home.Htm

If you can we also have a life after abuse program in the Oasis chatroom on Tuesday nights at 10 EST.

I want to say again welcome, and hope one of those will be something that can help you.

Take care and God Bless

[JandSBaker2009]

i have tried so hard to talk to josh but i can not find the words to say. he knows some of my past but not all of it and don't know how or even if i can tell him everything. he does not deserve the way i have been treating him but i am to scared to let him close to me. i want to make it work i really do and i love him so much but don't know how to show it or how to receive love. i hope this doesn't sound dumb to anyone but this is how it is. i have gone to the point to make him buy a bigger bed because i freak out when he puts his arm around me or trys to be close to me. i just done know what to do.

i am so sorry for rambling on

[mlg]

Sis, this is why it is so very important that you begin one of the counseling programs. You need to allow yourself to heal. You have to remember that your husband is not like the others who have hurt you...so time to heal so you don't fear your husband like this. Praying for you sis.

take care

[Dora]

Hello Jan My new friend.

I am so glad you found us here at Oasis.

None of this sounds strainge to me.

Actually it is a bit familiar.

This is very common when one is hurt so deeply they are afraid to allow even someone they love dearly get close to them. As they are afraid they'll be hurt again.

Even not being able to talk about it. I've to this day never spoke about some of my past. Not sure I could. My husband does know because I've typed it and allowed him to read it. It may be easier to type what you would tell him if you could. Then allow him to read it if you want to.

Oh those flash backs. They are not so fun are they. Don't you wish there was a wall that would pop up and keep them out? Don't focus on them or allow them to replay in your mind. Change your focus to Jesus or to your husband and the good in him.

Satan has distorted the worlds view of love with lust. Making it difficult to distinguish good from bad. What is bad may feel good, what is good may feel bad. May take some sorting out as to what God calls good.

As you begin to trust your husbands touch you will begin to enjoy his touch. This may take some time, but with the Lord it is possible.

I hope you try one of the links mlg gave you. I've done the counseling a few times and have found it a wonderful tool to help me along the path to healing.

One tool I use is prayer. I pray for God to give me the feelings he wants me to have during those times I have no feeling or feelings opposite my husbands.

I will be praying for you. Pm me anytime you want to. I'm here for you.