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struggling

Postby inneed » Sat May 10, 2008 11:04 am

Hi everyone,

It has been along time since I posted here. The Lord has done so much for me and my family. My husband has been delivered and we have been much closer. The relationship God has restored has been wonderful. He has gone to church with me several times and I believe God is taking him on his own journey into trust and dependency on him. I thank God for everything he has done.

The other day my husband and I had a slight argument and some of the old mean spirit came out toward me. I hadn't seen that in a long time since December I guess. It really hurt my feelings and just totally caught me off guard. I backed away from the whole thing and even though he has been very loving since I feel myself shutting down again. I can't figure out whether it is the hurt, anger or unforgiveness on my part that causes the wall to go back up. I really don't want the wall to be there but I can't seem to shake it. It scares me because in the past when the wall went up I could never make it go back down. It is a defense mechanism from my childhood. My dad was bipolar and when things got crazy I just didn't have any feelings. The problem is the wall makes me almost nonexistant. I don't feel anything except loneliness and isolation.

I know the devil wants me to be lonely and isolated because he wants me to stop praying for my husband and family. I won't stop praying but I don't know how to get out of this. I wish I could talk to my husband about this but it would probably hurt his feelings and I don't want to do that. He has been trying so hard and it makes him sad that he gets angry and says things that hurt us. He hasn't done it in a long time and everyone has days that we slip. I just need help getting out of this place of depression and separation. When I'm here I can't feel God, love, peace, joy or anything else.

Please help!

inneed
May God bless us all
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Postby mlg » Sat May 10, 2008 2:07 pm

inneed *hug* First sis I'm so excited to hear that the Lord is helping your husband become a better person. He is trying hard it sounds like and for that you should be happy. Now, there are going to be days that your husband will fall down, but as his wife and friend, it is up to you to accept his apology, and forgive and forget. Imagine if Jesus kept everything you had ever done and used it against you every time you did soemthing wrong again. You can't live in the past, for this is the present. Let go of the past, cuz if you don't you will miss the future that God has planned for you and your hubby.

Every day you and your husband wake up is a new day. So plan something special to do with him tonight, and tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you. He knows he was wrong the other day, when his anger came out. So sis make it up to him, how you haven't been able to forgive, by showing him the attention that you both need to get past this.

I'm praying for you sis, and may God Bless both of you on this new journey with Him as your guide. Don't you dare begin to believe Satan's lies, as it can be better and seems as if it already is.

luv ya lots, and take care.
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Postby lizzie » Mon May 12, 2008 2:38 pm

inneed my dear sis *hug*

Just today I shared your story with someone who was struggling in their marriage, and they got such hope, hearing how God worked in your marriage, and how you were so determined to save your marriage.

Remember, things will never be perfect. There will be ups and downs. In any relationship. But love should be there no matter what comes. And with this forgiveness.

The mere fact that your husband gets sad that he gets angry, shows that he truly wants to change these things in his life. But not everything happens overnight. Just like we all are trying to change things in our lives, by taking it day by day, the same goes for him. He simply made a mistake. Who hasnt? Dont let a couple mistakes make u lose sight of how far you both have come.

You have seen what God has done for you both, and for your marriage. Let this evidence of His power and grace and love, be what inspires you to keep going, and dont focus on the hiccups, the lil stumbles. Focus on the big picture.

I luv u and ur daughter is such a sweetie!!

God bless u always sis :)
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