What is wrong with me?

[goldieluvs]

Well, I may have lost my job. No one has said anything yet but it might not be til Monday before I hear anything. Well, its my own fault really and I would have no one to blame but myself. But its quite possible nothing will come of it. Am praying anyways. I have had many addictions, the worst one being crack, thank God that is no longer an issue. I smoke cigarettes. Sometimes I smoke pot. I have gone months without pot but there r times when i do get some. Well, i got some, was on call and ended up having to go to ER (however it was a freaky thing cuz I am not supposed to have to leave, so I thought I was safe). I have been having mood swings for past few months ( for clarification I have not been smoking pot but maybe past two weeks) I talk to HR director prolly once a week and hes been asking me why I am always so full of doom and gloom. I didn't really think it was that obvious. I go to my pdoc on the 16th of this month. I am praying that God will yet again be my refuge in time of need. I fall so short so many times. I have been practicing trying to turn negative thought into a positive thought. I find myself saying Amen at work alot or Thank God. I still have a long way to go. God has blessed me so tremendously,,, I am so unworthy. I have led such a life and sometimes I dunno if I will make it thru. God is strong in my weakness, Lord please strengthen me. Things have been hard at work and I am just so weary. Nevertheless, I am blessed. God has blessed me so much since i fell on my knees and begged God to take me back (prodigal daughter in my case). So, this too shall pass. Whatever happens I know that God is with me. Dont get my wrong I am being selfish in praying that I will not get into trouble at work I need my job. I am trying not to worry. I am trying just to leave it in Gods hands and walk away, confident in His divine wisdom in ALL things. I find myself worrying and it is totally out of my control. Well, thanks for listening. GBU all... Goldie

[realtmg]

goldie,
Thank God you are off the crack. Whew! And all I tell you is from personal experience. I was a daily pot smoker for 25 years. Not until several years ago did I know that when I laid off the pot did I get very moody and have mood swings. I just wanted something to take the edge off and relax a little.
You know what I mean sis.
When we partake of these mind altering drugs, we cut off the Sonlight of the Spirit just to have that temporary satisfaction only to find ourselves in bondage along with the guilt that follows.
I'm gonna stay brief on this first post as I have not prayed on it, but I did want to acknowledge your post.
About your job, maybe you can go to HR and tell them you are willing to seek help and ask for mercy and grace. I'm not saying to do this but, it may be an option.
Furthermore, God can turn our bad things into good things if we are really trying and seeking Him.
I am proud that you took responsibility in saying that this was self-inflicted. This is a big plus. I have noticed since you have become a member here that you spend time here each day in which tells me that you are seeking Him.
Let me suggest our 14 day COOL Counseling program for starters.
Also, before you give in to your weakness, log on to Oasis and post in here and talk to people. There are so many people that will not come forth and remain silent.
We all fall short. And since you have trusted Jesus as your Savior now, He has the power to help you overcome. It's a daily decision we have to make. Sometimes hourly.
You are at the right place my friend. We do not judge here. If we did, I would not be here. Amen?
The Bible says to confess your sins to one another and you have done this. He can and will make a way for you to escape temptations for He was tempted too. He knows our every weakness.
I want to commend you coming forth and sharing with us as this is half of the battle.
Read His Word and spend time with Him and with His people and this too shall pass.
God Bless you goldie and do not panic over this. I want to share this with you...........

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

You are His child now and He will provide for you. When we sin, He sometimes gives us a little spanking to get us back on track, only because He loves us so much. I Know!.

Feel free to come here and express yourself as it helps me and people who are not willing to come forth yet with their addictions.
I am proud of you and want to welcome you into the family of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Luv ya,

Real

[Sylvia]

Goldie
I wanted to also repeat what Realtmg said about God turning a bad thing into a good thing if we yield ourselves to Him.
I am an example of that.
I had a good job, making good money but was so stressed out between the stress load at work and family issues that I blew my testimony at work big time. I was drinking daily and combining the booze with xanax.
Finally it wasn't until I cried out the God "I can't take the stress any more Help me Lord!" that things started changing. It wasn't a presto chango type of change but gradually God did start to change things. One big change was inside of me.
I won't get into how He changed things but I will say I was scared to death about the change. I had been at that job for 15 years. I had high standing in the company. But I had to come at the end of my rope in order
for me to look up to Christ.
I haven't had a drink for 11 months now. Next month will be one year!!
I also wanted to tell you that even though I was afraid of the changes I am happier then I have been for many many years.
Please continue to post here as Realtmg said. You are loved and among "forever" friends in Chirst Jesus
Luv ya
Sylvia

[goldieluvs]

Ty so much Realtmg and Sylvia for responding. Its kinda weird in that I do have a mood disorder at least thats the classification my doc gave me. But basically he thinks because of various issues that my body is stuck in fight or flight response. I told him I didnt care what he called me so long as I got something to help. I am on a daily cocktail of medication for this; however am functional and able to work (although the last few months there have been changes at work) and I have been getting more stressed and depressed. And was something I had planned on talking to him about, the pot was just an incidental thing. I dont smoke often, it gives me energy and I am able to do things, but if I keep smoking it then i get depressed. I can go without it for several months and be offerred and not want it,, it seems like when i get to where i am becoming more nonfuntional that i end up getting pot. Well, either way, I know it's wrong.
I also know i can create an excuse just to use (that knowledge cam from the crack)... I also get paranoid alot. Even without doing any illegal drugs. Either way, God is with me. God blessed me when I found this site. I have seen the 14 day Christian counseling program, but I havent started it yet. I think i might like forums better, unless its a topic chat. GBU all... everyone is really kind here...