Christianity Oasis Forum

[loveiskind]

Since starting the 14-day Christian Counseling program here, Satan has really been after me, bringing bad memories to mind that I had thought I'd worked through and past. The memories are causing me to have chest pains.
From the time I was a teenager, my mom would put me down, saying that because of my handicaps, no man would ever want to marry me. However, since I started going to church regularly in 1998 (I was 32 at the time), the put-downs happened a lot more frequently. Then, in 1999, when I started going to a church where the people actually showed me they loved me, and wanted to do things for me, not only did the put-downs escalate, but I got ridiculed, criticized, you name it. If someone bought me something for no reason, I owed that person. If I bought something for someone for no reason, I was stupid. I once bought a friend a bunch of flowers, as a little thank-you, for letting her three boys help me with things at church. Mom said it looked like I was bribing her. Another friend gave me a beautiful keepsake box, and Mom wanted to know why on earth she would do that. Yet another said I reminded her of Cinderella, which I took as a nice compliment. I found out I'd made a mistake by telling Mom about it when she asked a sarcastic "Why?" (That made me think that she thought I was ugly.) If I dressed up a little, or wore a little makeup, she'd ask who I was trying to impress. One time, I wanted to volunteer at the local hospital, and she tried to get me not to, saying they wouldn't want a blind person volunteering, and I wouldn't be able to do it. (I am legally blind.) Another time, I joined the church choir, but after 2 months had to leave it because I kept getting laryngitis from the singing. Mom insisted that the choir director 'fired' me, saying my voice wasn't good enough. If I said a guy was nice, or even nice-looking, she would say I was boy-crazy. Once, I left church after Sunday School, to get ready to go to camp for a week. When I told mom I wanted to get some hugs from friends before I left, she said I was stupid. If I'd tell her I had a problem, she'd sigh really loudly, roll her eyes and say "What's wrong now?" If my opinion on something differed from hers, she'd be angry with me.
I could keep going, but I don't want this to turn out to be a book. It's done me good to get so much out. Mom has been dead 4 years, and as awful as this sounds, when my brother called and said she had died, I couldn't help feeling relief...relief that all the verbal, emotional and mental abuse was coming to an end. I never once talked back to her when she'd say those things; I just took it, and let it bottle up inside me.
Thanks for listening.

[mlg]

loveiskind,

Wow looks like you need a All that you've been carrying around for years. It's good to see you letting it out. You even said so yourself, that you feel better. These steps seem to be doing you good, and I'm glad. Keep on sis

luv ya

[Dora]

Loveiskind,
I so appreciate your honesty.
I am also glad you are getting this out.
I cry for u cause I know your pain.
My dad said terrible things to me that I still remember. They don't hurt anymore though. Cause Jesus took the pain away. I still am unsure of myself though which may come from those down grading words of his.
Everything anyone did to hurt us is a sin. And Jesus allowed them to put those sins on him, nails pounded into his hands and feet so that these people could be forgiven and so we could be also. When someone says something mean or cruel to you or those thoughts pop up in your head, use the picture of Jesus on the cross as your pop up blocker. Picture his hand with the nail in it and in his hand is a piece of paper. On that paper is everything everone ever did to hurt you. Maybe you could take a piece of paper and write these things down. Then give it to Jesus. I don't know if this will work for you. But it helped me to let go of all those painful things when I was able to see my beloved Jesus on the cross so they could be forgiven too. Sometimes we like to hold onto the pain. It's the only way we've known so it feels safe. It's ok to let go of the pain and the bad memories. Think of something she did that was good. Maybe just one memory of something good is all u have. That one memory, no matter how small it is better than all the other memories that are painful. I focused on the one I had, just the one good moment. After time I remember another good moment. So I had two. Then another one came to mind. I had three good memories. It's been about 18 yrs now and I have so many good memories. They were there all the time, I just focused on the bad so much the pain wouldn't let me see the good ones.
God bless you my sister. I pray God helps you be able to replace those thoughts and memories with pleasant thoughts. You can do this. You are strong in the Lord Jesus. You can do all things through him who gives you strength.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Loveiskind,

God bless you, sweet sister in Christ. I pray His love, peace and joy envelope you in a great big hug.

I feel The Holy Spirit wants me to say the following -- in regards to your mother. Your mom was bound in fear for herself and also for you. Fear imposed on her by satan. Whether or not she ever knew this, I do not know, but The Holy Spirit wants you to know that the cruel things she said and did to you, were from a heart filled with fear and the only way she knew to overcome it was in anger.

I know it is hard to forgive her for the mean things she said and did to you, but please ask God to help you forgive her. She was a pawn of fear which satan used against her and against you.

You now know Truth. God did not give us a spirit of fear: 11Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

You have the Holy Spirit living inside of you, and He will help you choose to forgive, to heal and to share the love He places in you.
As we walk ever closer to God, and get His Word into our hearts and minds, we will be transformed.

I'm so glad He led you here, Loveiskind. He loves you so very much. And because of the love He places in my heart, I love you too.

Love, hugs and God's blessings to you,
Mack