Christianity Oasis Forum

[PeterJames]

I am struggling and wanted to let everyone know so I could ask for prayer. I keep going into er*tic chats and roleplaying forums to live out the bad thoughts of my mind. Then I feel guilty and DELETE everything.

I am on the DELETE cycle now.

I want to be able to not do this, but at times I also feel extremely lonely even in my marriage even though I have a great wife and a great kid and heck, the lovemaking is great too. But my body gets the better of me.

I am always saying - I want a female friend, someone to talk to (even though my wife is right there with me). I always wish I had a sister; but then, the devil uses that desire to tempt me to do other things - bad roleplaying, looking at adult material online, etc. All my computers are restricted so it has been harder, but I know the loopholes too - I wind up leaving my devices at work so I am not tempted at home.

Please pray for me and if there is any mature believer in Christ who wouldn't mind being my friend; I've not really had a mentor, and maybe that would help. Jesus ultimately is my help, but I don't turn to him enough.

[dema]

This is a dangerous, and very common, addiction.

Picture how you would feel if you caught your wife doing what you do. Really picture it.

It would not be appropriate for you to have a female friend under these circumstances - if you think about why you want the female friend, I think you may come to the same conclusion. If your wife is too busy to spend time in real conversation with you, then it would be good to talk to her or schedule time with a minister or counselor to talk about how you could spend more time in heart sharing.

I have seen many people in this forum on the brink of divorce because the wife or the husband got hold of the electronic device of the cheating one. Yes, they very much view what you are doing as cheating. Remember what Jesus said about lusting in your heart.

When you think about you doing it, it doesn't seem like much. But when you picture her doing it, it feels very different doesn't it?

This is a trap. A trap that never leaves you having enough. It is an addiction like other addictions. Generally, addictions have to be left totally alone.

I wonder about the usual treatment for addictions though - because for this one the treatment could end up pretty much feeding the addiction. Talking about not talking about sex doesn't work very well. If anybody else knows how to help please write.

But the bottom line is you need to learn that you cannot indulge it even a teeny bit. No female secret friends, no web sites, no magazines under the bed, no recordings of sexy voices - or whatever else it is. It could hurt your wife very, very much. And it doesn't satisfy.

I know personally two people who have been criminally charged for being peeking Toms. The penalties for that are amazing. First it hit the paper and was in the paper quite a bit. Then they were criminally charged. They both lost their jobs and neither can go on school grounds anywhere anytime. This was for voyeurism. One was pretty dramatic, but the second was looking at a minor in the shower. Not touching. Just looking at a 17 year old girl in a shower and trying to get a picture. And getting enough of one to be used in court against him. No job, no wife, no family, no friends and time in court.

I know, some people keep the habit in the computer or under the bed. Some people use it or underwear ads to do what Viagra does. And some people lose families or more from it. Maybe criminal charges are rare - but divorces from it aren't. As I mentioned, I have talked to many people here who were on the brink of divorce due to that kind of behavior. Some made it back. But they made it back by giving it up forever.

If you can't do it in front of your wife with her knowing what you are doing, then don't do it.

[dema]

ANother thought is that you WANT to do something risky. That this is all about the risk. That it might have to do with viewing your wife as your mother - or it might have to do with just wanting the adrenaline of doing something you aren't supposed to do.

I suggest you do the cccc study on this site - it is under counseling. Find out what the attraction is. Obviously sex has its attraction, but there is some reason that the sex you have isn't enough. Do you want to climb mountains and roam the world, and doing the unacceptable is the closest you can get? Do you have a thing against authority and doing this against your wife is the way you are acting out?

Anyway, the study might help you find out. You might also read the Love Languages book. You can Google it on Amazon. It may be that you aren't feeling loved because you and your wife have different love languages. Reading it together and talking about it can be useful.

God Bless.

[PeterJames]

Thank you for your honest assessment, Dema.

[PeterJames]

I am getting counseling now through betterhelp; I hope to report back to you that I will turn away completely from this addiction. God Bless. Peter james

[dema]

That's a big step. God bless you in your journey.

[dema]

That's a big step. God bless you in your journey.