Christianity Oasis Forum

[PaulW]

Hi All, I am happily married but have not had sex in two years, I think I have performance anxiety as I can not initiate sex with my wife. She wants to make love but has also stopped initiating and we dont even try. We are close and cuddle at night and there is physical contact all the time. I had turned to the internet to turn me on but it was hollow satisfaction. I had hoped that staying off the internet would do the trick but I think it might be deeper than that. I love my wife deeply and want to satisfy her but am worried I cant perform as it has been a long time.

[dema]

I imagine you have heard of Viagra and Cialis. They work for most men. And if they only partially work, then the dose can be increased. That will almost certainly fix the performance part unless you have something severely wrong or take a drug that prevents you using them. If you do take such a drug, you can ask your doctor for alternatives.

As far as the interest - you are depressed about your business. That affects you feelings of competence as a man. And that affects your desire to perform as a man. You don't feel like you are performing at work and therefore you don't want to or feel worthy to perform at home.

But you aren't your work. You are a child of God. I recommend that you both talk to your doctor and take the cccc course here. It is in counseling. Additionally, I recommend letting go of your life pictures in your mind for a while. Picture not being trapped in a business where you don't want to be. Where would you want to be? What would you want to do? Please ask God to direct the desires of your heart. And if he wants your business to be successful, then inspire you.

You don't have to be where you are. I had to declare bankruptcy. My credit was wonderful, then it was still very good - I had no late payments in the recorded history - and then I just quit paying some months after talking to my lawyer about it. I couldn't handle the debts of the business. I had difficulty with God about that one. But, basically I was where he wanted me, doing what he wanted me to do, and without the need for bankruptcy he wouldn't have gotten me to quit doing it when he was done with me there. That's a big concept. Preachers preach about it - God puts us somewhere for a while and we want to stay there forever. So God has to make us miserable in some way to get us to move.

Anyway, your two problems are related. Realize that you are a child of God and your identity is not your business. Consider everything everywhere. And see the doctor.

[PaulW]

Thanks Dema, your insight is wonderful. I am glad you shared your experience with me. I have always felt that there is a part of me missing and longed for the days of boarding school where church was compulsory and bible study was a great get together of kindred spirits. Now life has got between us and a hole has appeared. This forum is a beacon and I hope to grow many a friendship here. God Bless.

[dema]

Glad to have you. Did I recommend cccc - in counseling? It is a good program for anybody and a great program when you are trying to get focus.