Christianity Oasis Forum

[MamaKitty87]

I recently attended marriage classes and one topic studied was sexual intimacy. Anyone have any input on it??

[Dora]

Hello mammKitty. I have read a few books on the subject and still only know you can have sex without intimacy and intimacy with out sex. Lol

On a more serious note I think for those who have been damaged in this area this can be a very confusing and even scary topic. Discussing it does help though.

[MamaKitty87]

The reason it's important for me to discuss it is because I am one of those who have been damaged in this area. I was sexually molested for 2 years, so it was a touchy subject when it came to opening up about it with my husband.

[dema]

Sex is a primal need. Like hunger. Except you won't die from not having sex, though some people think they will.

Sex without intimacy is like having oatmeal for every meal, and nothing but oatmeal. Intimacy is like having Thanksgiving dinner with those you love.

There's a lot more to it. A man can feel loved and relatively intimate by having his woman bat her eyes at him and indicate the bedroom. Just the fact that she desired him and she is his woman can make him feel intertwined.

Intimacy is a warm fuzzy feeling of being intertwined. Men often don't show their feelings of intimacy unless it gets broken. Men are more likely to seem to take it for granted. That doesn't mean they do. They are just from Mars instead of Venus. A woman usually wants and needs different expressions of intimacy. Love languages - that's another book. Compliments, touch, attention....

A woman who has been hurt can have difficulty with the act of sex. This is kinda different but in the mix.

A treatment for this difficulty is to not have actual sex for a predetermined period. Maybe a month. Or maybe six days out of the week. So she knows that on those days that there won't be the thing that scares her and she is free to seek all the affection she wants without her husband getting mad and calling her a tease. He is prepared for the fact that she might take it all the way to the edge and still say no. In fact, he knows that no matter how far she takes it on those days the answer is still going to be no.

The hurt woman wants the touch. She even wants the desire. But she doesn't want the fear or the memories of hurt. And sex has been so triggering to her that she often cannot have it without going into a panic. So the therapy divides it up. Maybe one day a week they are having real sex. But the rest of the week she is learning to enjoy the touch of her husband. Without fear.

In a pure situation, the first act of having sex causes a deep bond between the two partners. It is like they discovered something wonderful together that nobody else has experienced. And there is a change in feelings inside of them.

Pure situations don't happen much anymore. I don't know how often they ever did where both partners bonded together for the first time. I know of cases. It is a beautiful thing.

True intimacy has a lot in common with I Cor 13.

Dogs and cats have sex. Ever seen an animal in heat before and after? Well, that is what sex will do for you. Calm you down, give you relief, take away the raging hunger.

Intimacy is something different.

Hard to communicate - even after reading all those books. .