Christianity Oasis Forum

[dema]

I lost my granddaughter in an ATV accident a year ago. I still don't believe it. If I didn't know how much it would hurt her parents I would pretend she was alive and send her presents. Particularly cobbler.

I have read many stories in Guideposts about people who almost died and their thoughts. And invariably they are about wishing they could let someone know that they are loved and frequently that they are forgiven.

If you had died what would you have wanted for your son?

Also, it is the job of teens to create a separation between themselves and their parents. Rebelling is what they are supposed to do and pushing back is what parents are supposed to do. I warned my adult children and offered to provide a time out for them when that comes. The time out was a great idea. Should have been perfect. Should have ended with apologies and hugs all around. It isn't your fault that it didn't. God doesn't always provide miracles. Why did my granddaughter die? I still can't accept it and maybe never will. Her 15th birthday was two weeks away.

God is God. God is good. This I know.

[Lisa_ChildoftheMostHigh]

Dema,

Thank you for your letter and for sharing with me about your granddaughter. Lose of a child is a slooow heal, I couldn't even function for the first 2 years, doing even simple task was to much for me. But I do remember the presence of the Lord at that time. It was incredible. At my son's funeral I could literally feel a hand holding me by the back of my dress, assisting me to stand, and I knew if He let go I would fall and never get up. I remember the phone calls I received those first few weeks, from strangers calling me to tell me that their children had drowned to, and they would say how many years and I just couldn't believe they were able to survive all those years without their children. And here I am now at year 15. The questions I have asked God, the why's, I was angry at God for a while, thinking He had broken my heart, but he held me so tight during that time, like a child having a temper tantrum. I know that now. I don't think we will ever understand why we lose the children in our lives, but God plan is always perfect, and we need just trust in that plan. We will always miss them, every day we are here without them, and someday what a reunion we will have. I know my child is safe. And with the Lord. That first week of his death, satan was tormenting me that he had my son, it was so frightening. Day after day I could hear him laughing, even though Brandon was saved, and gave his heart to the Lord. After a few days of hearing this I remember saying to God that I refuse to heaven if Brandon wasn't there, if he wasn't there it was my fault not his. I heard the Lord say, there is no greater love than one that will lay down their life for another. I was so willing to lay down my spiritual life if I had failed my son. Then the Lord proceeded to ask me guestions, is satan capable of telling the truth? No Lord he is a liar until He finally was able to get me to that place of knowing if the enemy was saying this to me, who only can lie, then my son was safe. And over the years has reassured me that all is well with Brandon. And also we have had so many conversations about the fact that He too watched His son die.

Do you ever have dreams of your granddaughter? I have had a few of Brandon, wish there was more. But God is faithful and has provided me with being able to see him in my sleep. I hope you often sit down with a big peice of cobbler and think of all the memories of your granddaughter with every bite, and ask the Lord to give her a big peice of heavenly cobbler from you.

One of the most healing parts of today was a text from my daughter which just simply said happy birthday Brandon. Just a few words sometimes can be so soothing, and to know her heart is with her brother and with me, well it was comforting. So many of us travel this road, the loss of a child, it is the most unnatural thing I believe anyone can face in this world.

I give this big mess of hurt to the Lord, because I just don't know what to do with it. And I trust I will see His promise, ashes to beauty.

Lisa

[Tanya1968]

Lisa,

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a child. You should not feel guilty. This was not your fault.

[dema]

She was in a coma. And while she was I dreamed she was riding a tricycle in a huge parking lot, trying to find a way out. I haven't dreamed of her in a long time.

On her birthday, her mother had a party at the cemetary and they let balloons go. They did it last year as well. Her birthday was earlier this month. And she served cupcakes. There were quite a lot of people there.

I'm sure she's in heaven.

[Lisa_ChildoftheMostHigh]

Dear Tanya, thank you for your kind words, much appreciated, Lord Bless you.

Dema, the party with the balloons and cupcakes sounds so lovely. Reading your note, I could not help but think of my mom, who's support help me each and every day she was still here.

[Lisa_ChildoftheMostHigh]

Stepping Stone #5 - Identifying the problem, okay this will take days to read, I might have to read all problems listed, I pray that the Holy Spirit would shed light on what I need to focus on. More on this stepping stone later.