Christianity Oasis Forum

[diasgang]

I have been a Christian for over 30 years and have struggled with depression for all of my life. I am so sick and tired of living this way. For the last three years, at times, the depression has worsened. What do you do when you feel that God has abandoned you? I have sought counseling but there is not much in the area that I live. My own pastor has kind of given up on me. He told me awhile ago that he could not help me. And right now he is in his own major trial. His own son in law was wrongfully accused and found guilty of child abuse. I am a high school teacher and I teach part time at the local community college and I am dreading going back to school which begins this Tuesday. I have two sons that I have been disappointed with. My oldest is 20, and he has had so many things that have gone wrong in his life in the last two year. Two years ago I was able to get him a part time job at my school district as a janitor. Two months later they fired him (I felt unjustly but they would not talk with me since my son was 18 years old). I have had difficulty struggling with bitterness with the school district ever since. The following summer I sent my son to live with my brother in San Antonio,Texas. We thought it might be a great change. He can find a job and live there for a year. He moved there, looked for a job and could not find one. Two months later he text me and told me he was very depressed and wanted to come home. He is going to school but has not been working. His grades have not been very good. He has been volunteering to work with my wife (She teaches preschool), but now the owners of the preschool does not want a male working with the kids. My son can't win. My other son struggles with depression and with extreme shyness. He is a senior this year and is not involved in anything. My wife right now is struggling with depression for her job. I am lost and I am not sure what to do or where to go. I feel sad a great deal of the time and the only reason why I am still alive is because of my kids and wife. sometimes to alleviate the pain, I turn to porn which always makes me feel even more guilty. I decided to do the 14 day counseling. Thanks for listening.

[Jamie808]

Oh My Brother,
God bless you for your courage and humbleness in reaching out. I can honestly say "I think I understand" at least part of your feelings. I am well acquainted with the knock out punch depression can deliver at times. This site has helped me tremendously. I'm glad you're doing the study. I encourage you to keep going to the very end and share your thoughts and struggles here so we can pray for you.

2 Tim 1:7 God has not given us a Spirit of fear but rather of love, power and a SOUND MND.

Sometimes I used to get resentful when people quoted scripture "at me" when I was submerged in pain. Honestly, my way out has greatly involved studying, praying and reading scripture. This is coming from a guy who's talked with over 20 therapists, pastors and priests in my life - that's no joke either. It's been more than 20. I counted one day. I'm not saying it's wrong to reach out for help. I have been helped in many ways by many people along (counselors, therapists, pastors, and psychiatrists) but underneath it all it's been the work of God's word and His people that have made great impact for me.

Matt 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they SHALL BE FILLED. Stay hungry and thirsty
If you're not hungry or thirsty you can act like it by finishing this study by faith and asking Him to make you hungry and thirsty

I am praying GOD'S BEST for you. I'm so glad you're here. I'll be watching for your posts as you carry on.

Jamie

[diasgang]

Thank you for your encouraging words. There was a time in my life when I had great joy, and I saw the Lord answer so many prayers. Early on in my Christian walk, I felt that I could conquer the world. I had peace and joy, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn and now can't seem to find my way back. I will keep up with the study...
Paul

[realtmg]

Hello,
I have been studying the Book of Psalms and so many times I have read "Wait on the Lord".
I post this because i can relate and it has taken 20 years to come out of depression.
Still have some but I trust in Him now and it always passes with prayer and the Word.
Thanks for sharing!
GBU

Real

[diasgang]

Thanks for the reply. Right now I am at the point where I don't want to live anymore. I have this overwhelming sense that I have failed one to many times. Everything that I have done and tried (especially for my children) over the past several years has failed. I can not name one success. I have a 20 year old that is scared to death of looking for a part time job because he has been rejected so many times. He told me that no one wants to hire him. I absolutely blame myself. A couple of years ago he finally found a job after about 1.5 years of looking. We were all excited for him and celebrated his accomplishment. He was a part time janitor at the school district where I teach. Two months later he was fired. About six months later we sent him to San Antonio Texas to live with my brother and to find a job. He searched all over the place and after two months of not finding anything he came home. He had other possibilities here when he came home, but all of them fell through. He is going to school but he is 20 years old with almost no work experience. I have another son who is just as quiet and introverted and has spoke many times of depression. He has also talked about killing himself. Years ago I had joy in the Lord but that has long been gone. Now I wonder if my children would be far better off if I was not around. I feel sad most of the time. I have to begin my teaching job on Tuesday and I am a basket case. I feel so lost and I am in so much pain that I do not know what to do. I feel as though God has abandoned me.
Paul

[momof5]

Hello Paul I hope you are feeling a little better.I can understand where your at in life I have struggled with depression my whole life.I am having many difficulty's as well,I used to turn to drugs sex and booze for comfort but only made me feel worse.Have you seen a DR? Sometimes people suffer from clinical depression and require medication I take medication and it has helped so much.If your son is talking about suicide please dont ignore that he could have mental health issues,my daughter was hospitalized for that and has made some improvements with counseling and meds.I ask that you please dont give up God has something in store for you.These 14 day sessions really help alot.Im not much of a speaker so im not sure if anything i say will help except you are not alone in your struggles im praying for you and family best of luck

[diasgang]

Thank you for the encouragement. I have sought counseling for myself and my son, but there are not many counselors to choose from in the area that I live. Counselors are like shoes. They have to fit just right. I have done medication only briefly and I did not see much improvement. The medication will not change my circumstances.
Paul

[Dora]

Paul God has not abandoned you. He feels your sorrow and He himself is grieving over you. This world is becoming a very difficult place to live in as we draw closer to the return of Christ. Please understand you are not alone in your difficulties. There are many struggling and many who care about you.

I want to share with you what keeps me alive at times is that I don't want my children to have the testimony that their mom killed herself. Picture it. They are talking to someone and are asked where are their parents. And they have to say one of their parents commit suicide. UGh! Don't do that to them. Perhaps your being here is the only reason someone stays alive. Then that is worth being here for if that alone is the reason you live.

Give me joy oh Lord. Jesus Jesus Jesus. Focus on what is good, what is lovely. Make certain you get out and exercise, get a good nights sleep and eat healthy. Spend time in worship. Thank God for all good things. Birds, fresh cut grass, waves at the lake, blue skies, the smell of fresh cut grass, fish in a tank, a dog with a wagging tail, a smile, a hug, a cool breeze, ability to pay some bills. And keep thanking Him.

Praying for you brother.

[diasgang]

Thank you for reminding me about the beauty in the world. I went outside of my house today and I looked at our pond and the goldfish and waterfall and then I looked at the forest and I could hear the roar of the ocean in the background (We live on the beautiful Oregon Coast) and I thought "I live in a gorgeous area". Why am I so sad? I have a decent paying job with excellent benefits. There are parts of the job that I do not like, I have a son who can't find a job and another son who struggles with depression. I dwell upon the negative and not the blessings. You reminded me of it even more. The thought of suicide is a passing thought and I could never take it seriously because of my children and wife. That would be the ultimate in selfishness. Although sometimes I think that my children might be better off without me. Thank you again for your kind words of encouragement,
Paul

[Dora]

Good to hear that Brother Paul! So glad you found encouragement in Gods beauty He has placed around you.

[momof5]

Hello Paul it is a blessing to see you encouraged and feeling better.I will continue to pray your families circumstances change and hurray for you to think positive and appreciate the beauty of nature,God Bless you on your journey!!

[diasgang]

Thanks I appreciate it.