Christianity Oasis Forum

[ThatSpellsTigger!]

Can anyone help me? I've just had a breakthrough...but does anyone, ANYONE, have an knowledge of anxiety (disorders?) and their long-term effects? Anyone?
I'll explain more later if anyone speaks up. Don't preach to me about anxiety (I know you guys mean no harm) because that's long gone.
I don't even know if this is the right place for this....This may be out of your guys' hands. I can try, right?
But, is there anyone out there?
- T.S. Tigger

[realtmg]

Hello,
I would like to hear a little more.
I can relate.

GBU

Real

[olivebranch]

Hello,
I don’t have any knowledge of anxiety or long term effects. But I can relate because I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety lately when it does happen its hard to deal with and harder to explain just how I feel when it happens. I have been doing research online with my symptoms and it sounds like anxiety. I have not been to the doctor or do I want to be on medication. I’m praying for God to give me direction and wisdom. Sorry I don’t have more information hopefully others on here will. I'm interested to find out some more information to. But it is nice to know that people who have this are not alone.

God Bless

[ThatSpellsTigger!]

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, or if this is all in my head, or if this is just how I am, but I feel like my emotions are...dulled.

I ponder this every now and then; why my emotions seem to be less than everyone else's. I've googled many times and most results seem to explain it as some sort of after-effects of emotional trauma or abuse and the like. The thing is, none of that has happened to me. I was stumped. Maybe, I thought, maybe it's something so long ago I can't remember or so bad that my mind erased it. Or maybe, this is just how I am.

I was googling again last night and found something that mentioned anxiety. Something clicked. That was my breakthrough. This could possibly be why my emotions seem different. I used to have anxiety.

Well, I would call it anxiety. It was when I was young, very little, and I would worry obsessively about my death. I had no knowledge of God, Heaven, or Hell, so I was mainly afraid of the unknown and not existing. I had theories, but they never satisfied me. They were like the theories of an atheist. Actually, they WERE the theories of an atheist. God was a complete fairytale in my mind.
I distracted myself from the worries through school and other people. Death could not creep into my mind if I had company; when I was alone it tortured me. It ate me up. I felt ill and shaky. I was so afraid. So worried.

Then in 3rd grade Mom sat down with me and told me the Ten Commandments, and warned me not to break them or I'd go to Hell. Then she said that if I did break them, all I had to do was apologize to the person I wronged. She called it easy.
I deemed myself as screwed.
Hell became my new anxiety.

Eventually, gradually, God sorted these issues out. He fixed me up. I love Him now. I used to only fear Him. I felt doomed without Jesus, who Mom ironically had left out. It's alright now. My anxiety and fears are gone. He healed my low self-esteem from moving in the middle of 7th grade, and I actually LIKE myself now. I can smile for real. I have friends. Life is good.

However, I'm still a wee bit messed up. I think my emotions are dulled compared to other people's. You see, when the end of the school year comes or the last day of Drama Club rolls in, they cry. I don't. I mean, I love those Drama people, I actually LOVE them, which is different to me because I suppose it takes a lot for me to love. And then again, I sometimes feel like I love too easily....
But anyway, when they're crying, I'm not. I do feel sad but I don't cry. I felt physical pain, but I didn't cry. I love them! I don't understand.
I also think my sympathy with other people is also off. There are times when I KNOW I should feel a certain way such as sad or pitying or caring, but I don't truly feel it. Sometimes I ask where my humanity is...I'm not a maniac, really. I have feelings. Who knows? Maybe this is how everyone feels.

So just in case this helps, I'll add in some other things about me.

I am awkward and unaccustomed to physical contact. I used to shy away from people if they came too close; it was just an instinctive thing. The past couple years I've stopped, or at least minimized it, because now I feel drawn to it. I want human contact. I want to be close (emotionally and physically) and then sometimes I don't. I'm full of extremes! Argh.
I am, or was, the social outcast. I credit that to myself, because I casted myself out. I suppose my self-esteem plays into this one.
I can't talk well to certain types of people. I stumble and go silent, like some little kid. It's rather annoying.
What also annoys me, or used to annoy me, is that no human really knows me. What loneliness I've felt! I'm better now; I have been blessed with my Drama friends, but sometimes even they bring me down. Sometimes I feel very alone...But no sob stories! Back to business!
I don't express my emotions well. Judging by other people's reactions to my occasionally bursts of unrestrained emotion, I don't really express my emotions ever. But that's a stretch. I think I sometimes come off as calm or stoic or bored.

I think that's enough to work with.

I don't want pity or anything. I didn't do this for attention (yet that is ANOTHER thing I crave, but detest). I did this for answers. So...yep. We're all a little messed up.
- T.S. Tigger

[ThatSpellsTigger!]

Really? No one?
That's alright. This will get sorted out eventually.
Thanks.
- T.S. Tigger

[olivebranch]

I will pray for healing for everyone, would like to have more solutions but don't have them myself.
God Bless