Christianity Oasis Forum

[Susan B. Smith]

I feel discouraged, and I know that I shouldn't. I have stopped attending my church since the election, because most of my congregation expressed views that were not Biblical. As a result, I feel adrift and that God is doing something new in my life. I am prayerfully considering what His will is for me next - should I begin attending different churches? I don't want to stay in my church and have to question or confront other church members about controversial issues, I don't want to judge anyone else. I am aware that Christians all over America are in similar dilemmas because of the times we are living in. At the same time, the economy has hit my family hard. We are struggling financially, but God is faithful. In a few years my children will all be done with school, and my husband and I plan to relocate to a more affordable area of the country (with warmer weather, too!). I want to be in God's will for my life, and not just waiting for a few years to start the next chapter.
I am also aware that many Christians are experiencing financial hardships, but in my church the subject has been largely ignored. It is not politically correct to discuss it, and this has made me feel like a misfit in my congregation. I know that this kind of thinking and feeling is not of God, that there are no 'misfits' with Him. His arms are always open. I seek fellowship and support, accountability, and teaching from God's Word. Perhaps I stayed too long in a church where I was not being fed out of convenience, or spiritual laziness. Perhaps God wants me to stay there and be a voice. I hope to begin a journey that will strengthen my faith, increase my Bible study and prayer life, and create a support network while working on the 14 steps. I'm looking forward to meeting new brothers and sisters in Christ along the journey!

[realtmg]

Hi Susan,
Welcome to Oasis.
As I read your post, I have been in that situation.
May God's will be done in your future decisions.
I am happy to see you have decided to start the 14 day program.
May God enlighten you each day.
Again, welcome. Lots to see here and dont forget we have a chat here.

GBU

Real

[Susan B. Smith]

step 2 gardening
I am so glad that gardening is used as a metaphor for my walk with the Lord! I love to garden, and I understand the principles necessary to keep a garden healthy and productive. My favorite old hymn is "In The Garden", and has been since I was a child. I feel His presence most in the garden, any garden, and also at the ocean. I can definitely see that I have allowed some weeds to grow. I understand spiritual warfare completely, and in fact that was one of the issues that I consistently pointed out to my Pastor as an area of study and prayer in which our church was lacking. I confess that I have allowed weeds to grow and begin to cause worries, doubts, bitterness, frustration, and distraction from God. I feel blessed that I am now on a path to clear the garden of my faith from these weeds, so that healthy spiritual growth and fruit can begin to develop. I ask the Lord to help me see the weeds more clearly, and give me wisdom to discern. Which weeds are needed to go? Help me Lord, to see the weeds and pull them out as needed. Perhaps I have grown fond of some of them, but they are in my way. Help me to see how they block my way, the way that You would have me go. Help me yield to your will for my life. Teach me humility as I walk, for You know better than I what is the right path.
Create in my a clean heart, O God, and renew a right Spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence, O Lord, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto my the joy of Thy Salvation, and renew a right Spirit within me. Amen

[dema]

I finally found a church that does have largely the same values that I do. Action above all. And the congregation is virtually of one accord that judgement of anybody is wrong. (Though occasionally people get upset at people wearing $100 jeans in the line for charity.)

I know it is difficult to find a church where people stick to the core values. I define those as Romans 10:9&10 and Matthew 36-40, which I believe includes Romans 2:1.

You do need to be spiritually fed. It is important.

I'm glad you are here. Welcome.

[Shan]

Welcome...

My husband and I have been in a similar situation. I hope the Lord will guide you into His will. The 14 steps are a great way to get into the Word of God and learn about yourself at the same time. Look forward to hearing more!

In Christ,
Shan

[Susan B. Smith]

This step is complicated, as I knew it would be. I guess it's hard for all of us. Some things that happened to me in my life are too painful to explain, and the people who hurt me are not in my daily life anymore. Some I have become reacquainted with recently online, but our relationships are just small talk and sharing photos. Some died without communication being reestablished, and so forgiveness would be only in one direction, from me only. I have been told that it is necessary to forgive even after separation by death, because the surviving person still needs the closure of that forgiveness. Time has taken away much of the pain from childhood hurts, but trust is difficult because the scars remain. Also, I have not allowed these people access to my children because I would never allow anyone to hurt my children. I wanted to stop the family cycle of hurting, and distance was a good fence. Can forgiveness happen with a fence, or boundary, remaining in place? I need to find that balance of forgiveness with a safe boundary. What I establish as a boundary needs to be respected by the other party, whether they accept the concept of forgiveness or not. They may never speak to me again if I even mention the idea that I am forgiving them - that is the level of denial. Can I forgive someone and not tell them? Can they refuse forgiveness out of denial and anger, and does that count as me forgiving them?
You see, it's complicated!
Lord, show me the way that you would have me go.

[Christianity Oasis]

Your shared words have been echoed thru this forum for many years. So many others have asked these same questions. Most sought ways not to have to forgive others (or better said ... allow themselves to be free from failing to forgive) cuz they were either addicted to the life of darkness and/or feared what would be without it. Kinda like a soul who lived in a prison for many years and feared being paroled.

It may sound strange ... But it is genuine.

The emotions that dwell within us, when we fail to forgive, are like a disease. It eats at us like a cancer, limiting our lives from blossoming and dooming us to destruction.

Mark 11:25-26 ... And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ANYTHING against ANY: so your Father in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father in Heaven forgive you.

Therefore ... It is so very important that we truly release the pain, by way of forgiveness, as our Lord taught us to do.

Most get the "Forgiveness" concept and as difficult as it may be ... They do forgive. It may not be an instant release, but the choice to do so opens the door to the spiritual prison which WE created (Tho another was original cause) and we slowly peek our head out and as time passes, we choose to step out and LIVE again.

As far as your questions ... Allow me to ask you a few to ponder upon.

1). When a soul passes on, can the Lord speak with them and let them know of your choice to forgive?
2). Can this choice, tho they be in the other realm, even have THEM forgive others thereby opening their own cage?
3). As for the souls living in this realm, If you forgive another, will they not know by your fruits?
4). If you do not communicate with these souls, is it not GOD'S task to place it in their heart?
5). When someone wronged us and we chose to forgive them ... Did we not feel better? Free?
6). Can another's choice to not accept your forgiveness, change God's acceptance of your forgiveness?
7). When we forgive ... Do we not cut the chains which the individual had placed upon us, and tho they may not be in our lives, still CON-trol us by giving them ... UNFORGIVING THOUGHTS, which keeps us caged?

The ONLY answer is to forgive as the Lord asked and allow GOD to do the increase within others.

FREE yourself ... For when you forgive, according to God's Word ... God frees you.
And when God frees you ... You are free indeed.

ONLY you have the key to the Spiritual prison.

CHOOSE TO USE IT !!!

Luv ya

[dema]

I believe that forgiveness is giving the issue entirely to God. Relinquishing your right of spiritual punishment. But you have no right of spiritual punishment, so in effect, forgiveness is giving back to God what was his all along.

Forgiveness does not prevent you from pressing charges in a criminal court. Forgiveness is letting go of your own spiritual rights so that no matter how it turns out, you know the battle is God's and not your own.

Forgiveness does not require confrontation nor a restored relationship.

Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1][2] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.

I don't know where the idea originated that forgiveness means giving the person another chance to hurt you. It doesn't. You are allowed to protect yourself. To not do so would be idiotic. God doesn't expect us to be idiots.

I recommend that you look up dictionary definitions of forgiveness. And forgive.

It is release - not milk and cookies. Not hugs. Not going back for more. It is letting it go. And you can do that without the other person ever knowing. It has little to do with the other person and everything to do with you.

[Susan B. Smith]

To Dema-
Thank you for your insightful response to my post. It is very encouraging to me, and helps to answer some questions that have been hanging out there for 30 years! I appreciate your support and friendship.
Thanks again-
Sue

[Susan B. Smith]

I realize that the core of all my problems is a broken heart. Living with it for many years has calloused the wound, but underneath everything else lies the same broken heart. I can now see that selfishness keeps it unhealed, like a dysfunctional comfort zone within myself. Letting go of the blame for people and events of a lifetime ago is part of my path, but changing the selfish pattern within myself and letting God have control is the other part. Some weeds have very deep roots - a consistent effort will be necessary to pull those. Thank You, Lord, that you are patient with me. Help me to be patient and faithful to the path ahead.

[dema]

I'm glad I could help. It is so hard to heal from hurts in our youth. May God lead you and bless you in this difficult journey.

I sound like a greeting card. . Hugs.

[Shan]

Sue,

Boy, can I relate with u in realizing a dysfunctional comfort zone within myself! I'm so thankful to the Holy Spirit for guiding me to this website and these steps cuz they really help us to see who we are and who we can be in Christ. I too am a gardener and loved that I could understand the weeds and seeds and watering and pulling of the things we allow into our minds. Thank you for sharing with us.

In Christ,
Shan