Christianity Oasis Forum

[JusJake111]

My wife found this and shared it with me. I am not sure where to start. We are separated and I feel no security or love in our marriage. She says she loves me but doesn't,t know how to feel it enough to show it. We are 1800 miles apart trying to fix a marriage. I have been the kind of husband that was not there and then when I got my crap together I threw myself into providing for my family financially and left little time for my wife. We have a few good months then she unloads on me and tells me what a loser I am and how much I am failing her. I would take those days back over what we have now. Now she reminds me of all my failures and tells me she wants our marriage to work out but she cannot express love for me and she doesn't believe in me or our marriage. I have been a royal failure at times but always wanted to do my best. I met her when she was pregnant with her third child and quickly came to love her and those three kids. They are mine by all heart rights. I pray she figures out what she is going to do. I am too hurt to keep this up much longer.

[vahn]

Hello Jake , welcome aboard .

When my daughter was born , I vowed to not to let her see me drunk , nor did I wanted her to be around a drunk trying to raise her (just imagine huh? ) ... So , I quit drinking "for the good of everyone" --right ! (just physical abstinance) .
By the time she got to be around 18 months , the obsession to drink was so strong that I thought I'd go insane without it , or so I thought . Yes , I am an alcoholic . So , standing "true to my vow" ... I left !! .... the next time I "allowed" her to see me she was 10 (sober only couple of months) , though I had been peeking at her , from a distance throughout my drunken states . All the while , carrying the guilt , the pain , the misery deep inside me , also , at the same time , the love I had for her . OUCH ! .

Through Divine Intervention and the Grace that our Lord bestowed upon me , I took , what I am hoping to be , my last drink .

I came back with a vengance , no holds barred ! and , as you mentioned , gave it my ALL .

Here's the thing , while I was recovering , her mother wasn't . She had never known me sober , so , naturally , in her eyes , I was still the drunk that abandoned his daughter for a drink .

I finally got custody of my daughter , provided the happiest times of her life , sent her to college and so on .

My daughter never knew me as a drunk nor had seen me take a drink ... Her mother , My ex , has .

Marriage is NOT a 50/50 deal , it is 100% to 100% .

The family needs to recover too .


Am glad you were led here , anything I can be of service to you please dont hesitate to ask , in fact , don't even ask , just yell ! ... my recovery depends on being of service to my fellow sufferers .
In Christ , our Lord .
vahn

[JusJake111]

Thank you Vahn. I know that without being right with The Lord I am pretty useless in this endeavor. I know this is a healing process. I just feel so out of control in it.

[Chasingcars4life]

Welcome!

Im praying for you.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hi Jake,
And welcome, I don't know how I missed your post until now and I apologize for that.
I want to add to what our good brother Vahn has said.

First and foremost you BOTH must put God first in your healing as well as the everyday parts of your lives
She told you of this site right....so she is searching for help in the right place and now you are too
There are studies here that would be VERY helpful to you both and I promise will open your eyes to a lot.

We as men sometimes get the impression we have to make everything perfect and we must provide the best.....
NO what we should do first and foremost is love our wives as Christ loves the church, which we all tend to fail at
we fail to think of them as the most important thing in our lives next to God, We work that way BUT we fail to show it that way.

I pray you both put God in the center of this repair and if so I believe He will see you through
Praying for God's will to be done in your marriage.

PLEASE I pray you both could look deeply into the studies and counseling pages here, the miles between you are only physical you are still in each others hearts

Cuc