Christianity Oasis Forum

[bh12312]

Well day three could not have come at a better time. The reason I am here is my infidelity and wanting to change my ways. Well my wife got it out of me on the phone that I cheated while I was on a business trip and this is my first time coming home, and our first meeting since. I have never found it so hard to come home to my own house. Under no circumstances has she forgiven me or trusts me again, but she loves me and wants to try to make our marriage work. Of course I cannot ask her to trust me after only 3-4 days since the incident, these things take time. She did say he believes she will forgive me someday and there is hope for forgiveness and trust once we get through this, which gives me hope. Now I know God is not like that because he has forgiven me already because I have come to him. I wish I could understand why, but as humans I guess that is not in our nature. We just have to use this as an example because my wife is going through the process of trying to forgive me, and I have to forgive myself. I know God has forgiven and will us strength to forgive, but it only makes sense that he can complete such a complex process in a fraction of the time it takes us humans. So for day three I just have to realize that God has forgiven me for awfulness, and that as we are in his image, I should forgive myself. I know my personal journey is going to be much longer than these 14 days, but after today I feel packed and ready. In no way do I feel good about what I have done or that I need to take this journey at all. It is not a happy occasion, but I have the slightest glimmer of light now. I will take what I can get at this point.

[dema]

You do need to have an idea of what happened in order to be able to avoid the same thing happening in the future. You at least need to know how you exposed yourself.

I used to travel for work. But I need a lot of sleep. So, I didn't hang out in hotel bars. If I didn't need sleep, I would swim, exercise or read a book. You can get little dvd players that cost about $100 and will plug into the big TV sets in the rooms. I know that when I am in a hotel, the movie selection is usually lousy and they start at the wrong time. They may have 20 channels, but it is hard to find anything to watch. So, taking your own little player with movies or teaching dvds or books on cassette that you can play on your computer is great. And watching on the TV is seamless - not like watching on a little laptop screen with bad sound.

You can also get whole series of old shows. And you can get all this through Netflix - the old series, the movies - this isn't an advertisement but you do need to have a doable alternative to sitting in a hotel bar feeling sorry for yourself.

If this doesn't sound like where you are - write me and I can ask you more questions.

It could be that you feel you have lost the you you used to be. That being married is just soooo much responsibility with a low fun ratio. It could be lots of things. If you will find what the reason is - it will help.

Getting your wife to doll it up and then you meeting her at the door like a date with flowers can be another way to deal with potential issues. Wives frequently say that they don't want to spend the money - well, flowers are a lot cheaper than divorce. Oh, but divorce is not an option! A hurting heart will surprise you with what is an option - you just found out one thingthat can happen when you try to be too grown up. That may not be why it happened this time - but it frequently is. You try to discipline yourself and discipline yourself until you are going .

You are a real person with real needs and feelings. You NEED God's help on this. You HAVE God's forgiveness. But something went wrong and you need to deal with that.

[bh12312]

Well I appreciate your comments, but I think you misunderstood. I by no way feel that I do not need to understand why I did what I did. In fact I think you painted a good picture of how you feel on the road. I am also working with my minister who is certified counselor to help me understand myself both mentally and spiritually. I DO want to identify the problem and fix it right this time because I have hope that through God and support there will not be a next time. I just wished I could understand why and how God is able to forgive us for our acts is all. That is something we will never understand because it is a complex process he can finish instantly. I fully understand I did not deserve the second chance my wife gave, but I want to heal and forgive.