Christianity Oasis Forum

[donlaw]

Hello again -

I was originally going to journal about something and changed my mind...what I will journal about is that I am struggling. I am enjoying every step and I am praying constantly. I am just having trouble with the separation between my husband and myself. Though we are still living in the same house, and we have lived separately that way for years, it seems so much harder now that a divorce is filed.

I am praying that God's will be done and I am forgiving my husband daily. But my heart still hurts. It hurts to be ignored. I used to be very angry about it. I used to yell about it and demand attention. And when I didn't get it, I would yell mean things and then I would get it..but it was never very good and I was always seething and angry.

Now, I am finding it so much easier not to be mad. The Holy Spirit has really taken that away. But I am still hurt.

I would like my husband to love me still. He hasn't in many years. And he says it is over. And I am trying NOT to impose my will on God, but it does say in the Bible that if we ask, we will receive if we have faith.

I would like God to soften my husbands heart. I would like my husband to turn to God and surrender to the Lord completely, because I know if he did, he would see he has hurt me, he would see we have lived wrong for so many years and I believe he would love me again....am I totally crazy? Is that wrong?

I believe it is God's will that our marriage be in His will and we have a Godly marriage. Am I wrong? After so many years of anger and bitter resentment, is that something that is out of reach or out of God's plan for us? I am praying about it. And I would like agreed prayer for healing, strength and for my husband to turn his life back to God.

I have to wonder if God is breaking me from being dependent on anything and anyone but Him since I had always looked to my husband and family for my fulfillment, I think God just might be taking this away so I lean on only Him for my happiness and my fulfillment.

I know God doesn't want us to live the way we were. And maybe it is really just too late...maybe I truly am not supposed to be with my husband any longer. How am I supposed to know for sure? I am trying to concentrate on just God and not worry about the rest. But it is sometimes hard.

I like the activity for breaking habits and developing new ones. I will enjoy using that chart.

Father, I pray for Your Spirit to just come and comfort and guide me. Help me be patient. Help me hear Your voice. Forgive me for my doubt and help me believe and do Your will. Keep Bill and the kids safe and soften their hearts Lord to hear Your call. Bring Bill back to You Lord. Touch his heart and give him an ache for righteousness. He shuts everything out Lord, let him desire to let You in. Bring healing between us and forgiveness Father. Your will be done. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen

I wrote another poem today...



Forgive


Where do I go now with my wandering heart
Now that broken love has torn it apart

We were once pledged to each other in love and were married
But through lifes battles and sorrows away on storms waves love was carried

When life becomes more struggle than pleasure
Its easy to hurt and be hurt beyond measure

No joy or peace to our hearts did we bring
Now our fingers are empty where we once wore a ring

With regret we look back on the years that were many
And wonder now where love went or if there was any

If only we had heard the pleas of each others hearts
Maybe we wouldn't have thrown so many poisoned darts

Forgiveness and peace seems a far away dream
But it can be attained even though it doesn't seem

We can make amends and our hearts they can bend
If only we give what we once refused to lend

For love once lost can again be found
When we choose to forgive love will surely abound

[Ruthk34]

Praying for you, your husband and family.

[tricia777]

Work on you and leave your husband up to God. I am sure there are things about yourself you need to get in line with God’s word. Throw yourself in this. Better yourself and those around you and leave your husband and all to do with him in God’s hands. Our hands did the damage now allow God’s hand to heal it.
He has an amazing on fire for God man for you. This may be your husband it may not be. You work on being ready on being the best you so that when this opportunity arrives there is no more wasted time.
Decide to set your husband free for Gods will to be done in his heart. This “feeling” will never come you must make a decision. Same to be said for being happy, at first it is a decision to find things to be grateful for and happy over. Then with time God changes our heart and happiness is just a way of living. The tribulations don’t stop but they are drowned out by God’s peace