Christianity Oasis Forum

[Highlyfavored]

I am second child of seven. My Dad was abusive , he grabbed what ever was handy even once had a 2by 4 after my sister. No, he did not hit her with it but then she ran an locked her self in the bathroom . My mom did get between him an bathroom door . All because he was mad, scared the horse she was on , which rared up causing her to fall off, then she would not get back on , so Dad was I guess going to get her with the board. He hit my brother with a shovel handle , thought his arm was broke where he put his arm up trying to defend himself, but it wasn't . All of us kids wore belt marks , switch marks, hair pulled, whatever.
I married when i was in my senior yr. only lasted 3 yrs, but was pregnant and moved back home with parents. Then only two younger brothers remained in the home. In about my sixth month of pregnancy I met a man , this man opened doors for me, he pulled chairs out for me, made me feel special, he was also fifteen yrs older than I. My parents loved him and I had never been treated so good, only he drank a lot. My mom said, he drinks a lot but never seems to be drunk, so I married him after two years . That was all good for first few years, he legally adopted my daughter, only still no one is perfect . Right ? It was a roller coaster relationship but still better than the way I grew up. I didn't wear bruises anymore. My husband just hit the table or the coffee table or the fridge and hollered at me. My parents did make us go to church even tho they didn't , they were raised in church. My husband had to have back surgeries , then disabled . I went back to church. but all they knew was that we needed help with groceries. They did help with groceries and to pay electric bill. I tryed a couple of times to talk to some people one being pastors wife but really they did not listen to me. I was told i needed to learn to bite my tongue, not say anything only to pray... In 2005 my husbands brother died of heart attack , it was my husbands closest friend he was at our home a lot . It was very hard time for me even. Then a month an a half later on April fools day , I got a phone call at work, my brother saying this is not a April fools joke , but explained our sister had lost control of her car and was in the hospital, one of her daughters was with her , wasn't sure which one, but she was dead. Then mid Aug still 2005 my mother pasted away . My mother and I were very close and I lived in another state..by this time I think I had hardened my heart towards death. I had to drive the six hour drive because my husband sure couldn't . My daughter had grown up an moved four hrs away. They still had my mom on a machine , keeping her alive basically , so my sister and I , as well as my father signed papers so that when her heart stopped that they would allow her to go. Then in Aug 2007 ,I got sick, was in the hospital with broncitis, asthma and then decided I had copd would need oxygen before going home. I was off work for several months. My husband and I went back to see my father and fix his bathroom floor it was really bad. We bought everything. We did not get it all done so talked to a brother about doing a little touch up painting. It would wind up that the next month we would once again travel to my Dad's, sister needed a break so packed an brought him home with me and Im still off work sick. My Dad wanted my brothers to take him fishing for several years, they would .with there buddies and they trout lined. My Dad wanted to fish with rod an reel, so while he was at my house we did go to lake here before taking him home, he went fishing. It was the Best fishing trip Ever !! My husband baited our hook and took fish off, so fast that there was no time for him to fish. We all had good time . It was time to take dad back home. I had to get back to work. Then a couple days back at work and my Dad had surgery. my family called told my husband and my husband chose not to tell me that he had to have surgery like three days after we took him back home. He was in the hospital for nearly a month before he died . I heard from several people that my Dad said his arm was sore from fishing but he bragged an bragged about his fishing trip. So just after Thanksgiving we buried my Dad . Then about a month an a half later I get a call that my daughter has had an accident on motorcycle and she has broke her neck . had to have screws up in her neck but God kept her from being paralyzed. My husband was drunk when I got that call so I had to handle it. I talked to my husband several times about getting help , it was always, he would think about it , so I would drop it . I finally thought maybe if I suggest we get help. So I did and he said ok, so I made arrangements , he went once. They wanted to talk to him about his drinking so that didn't work but I did go enough to learn that I needed to set boundaries . What are boundaries, I was looking for a list and I could tell this man counselor he was trying not to smile but I am so transparent. So he explains boundaries and I just never even seen my mom practice boundaries.... I believe that God allowed somethings to happen which caused me to find out I had a std which was crushing news to me. My husband had been unfaithful and I had this std for sometime ,just to naive to know. I couldn't afford a Doctor ,but now had to have in office procedure like surgery done . I had to call a neighbor to come get me and when I got home my husband never asked anything about me, what happened to the car or anything .. The next day I had to go to work and about a hr before I was to get off my husband is calling me angry and wanting to know what I am fixing for supper. It was then that I decided I could not go back home. That was April 2010 , now I am sick , I have lost my job and what is wrong here? I am so tired of this !!! It is like my daughter is mad at me and yet she told me long time ago that I needed to save some money so that I would have enough if I had to take care of myself. I think my church is so use to me having problems that they just pat me on the back and tell me to keep my chin up... I will have to move on Tuesday the 17th of july so maybe with out my computer a week or so not sure, but appreciate you all letting me vent ...

[lyl1114]

hi highlyfavored!

It's okay to vent and we are here to listen and offer prayers to God on your behalf. Praying that our loving God will comfort you and give you peace. You were created so He can love you and spend eternity with you...God loves you so much...

[dema]

It is scary being on your own. You obviously care about your family very much. I am sorry you have been hurt so much.

When you grow up with an abusive parent, it is hard to know boundaries. It is hard to know that you yourself are valuable and have choices.

I hope you will do the cccc study here. Go to site map, studies and you should find it. It is a good self-exploration study and a good first step for getting better.

God bless you.

[Mrsabrown79]

Hi Highlyfavored!

You are just that....HIGHLY FAVORED! Dido to everybody's comment.....one thing that stuck out to me while going through my 14 stepping stone steps was "Trials and tribulations will come for sure, but it's the attitude you choose to have that makes all difference in the world"! Even when others, especially our family hurt us or do us wrong, we have to continue to trust God and keep moving forward! You are doing the right thing to vent...that's what we are here for! You and your family will be in my prayers!

Love and God Bless