Christianity Oasis Forum

[lyl1114]

Forgiveness

For two days, I pondered upon my resentment towards my parents. I lived by what Jesus said for during my teenage years and tweneties....the same measure we use on others will be used onto me...(Matt 18:35). But whenever something would go wrong in my life, I would go back to my parents. If they didn't ____, this wouldn't have happened. They were really the root of my problems. Now with a family of my own, this unsolved resentment is causing a lot of my depressions now. The helplessness. The worries.
I don't want to feel this way because it is affecting MY family.
How do i forgive? I say and want to forgive...but what really is that? and how do I do it? Forget? Let my parents keep living the way they do? I know I can't change them. But I still worry. The worrying puts me into helplessness. Helplessness puts me in depression where it affects my daily life.

I don't have the answers. I want to forgive so when I face God, He will forgive me. I know there isn't a magic word that I can say and things are forgiven. I don't know the steps to take to get me to forgive...

[JohnR]

One thing that keeps popping up in the Stepping Stones & I know it's not easy is LET GO & LET GOD! I've struggled with anger all my life at school, at my parents (especially my father), authority, God, etc. Just about everything. Notice the last 3 my father, God, authority. That carried thru all my life (I'm 55) & caused me all kinds of trouble because I had a problem with my earthly father which caused a problem with my heavenly Father which caused a problem with ALL authority. I was raise in a Christian household, went to church on Sunday, & my father worked & paid the bills. But my father also had an anger problem & treated my mother very poorly. When my parents separated then divorced; I used that as an excuse to use drugs & alcohol because nobody was going to tell me what to do. Notice here that I’m the one paying the price. Well while doing the stepping stone 5 on anger I had a revelation; anger comes from selfishness & self-centeredness! WOW! I never even thought about that & for me it’s true. Both of my parents are gone now & I never had a major problem with my mother but I wish I would have reconciled with my father. I never even went to his funeral & now I wish I did. I don’t know what happened with you & your parents but you still have them & there’s still time for God to intervene. So pray about it & try to LET GO & LET GOD! I ramble a lot but I hope I was at least a little help.
God Bless You

[xxJILLxx]

Hello lyl

John has given you some awesome insight into forgiveness.

I could write my own words here but why when what i found to be so true and heart changing are contained in these words from AA's 12 &12 book. Alot of truth in there even if you are not an alcoholic we all have gotten stuck from unforgiveness and it is nothing more than a waste of our time to hold on to these resentments. Enjoy the reading I pray it opens your eyes and helps you overcome and forgive.

These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is espe-cially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all. Trium-phantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.

Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. It doesn't make much sense when a real tosspot calls a kettle black. Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only ones bedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a fact that our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defects of others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our best friends to a snapping point, and have brought out the very worst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. In many instances we are really dealing with fellow suf-ferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are now about to ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one and all? . [12 & 12, page 78]

We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of admitting the things we have done, meanwhile forgiving the wrongs done us, real or fancied. We should avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved. We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs. A quiet, objec-tive view will be our steadfast aim. . [12 & 12, page 81] In all these situations we need self-restraint, honest analysis of what is involved, a willingness to admit when the fault is ours, and an equal willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere. . [12 & 12, page 9l] ...that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness ... It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. [12 & 12, page 99]

He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it; better to understand than to be understood; better to forgive than to be forgiven. . [12 & 12, page 101]

God bless
♥Jill

[Debbie]

May God give you His power and strength to forgive lyl, because none of us can do it without Him. I pray that God will anoint and empower you by His Spirit to forgive your parents and to walk in freedom. Ask Him to help you to see them through His eyes and to love them with His heart. God bless you.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Lyl

God bless you this day.

Ahhhhhh, Forgiveness By now you've noticed that when you choose to forgive, maybe it doesn't really "feel" like it because the old offenses (thoughts) keep popping back up in your mind, and let's not forget that new offenses still come. Sounds like Forgiveness is a never-ending process, huh? Well, guess what? It is...Forgiveness continues. The Apostle Peter asked Jesus how many times we are supposed to forgive a person, and Jesus' reply was 70 x 7. Wow, 490 times? Yep! and that is 490 times a day, if need be.

Again, Forgiveness continues. Praise God!!! Hallelujah!!! Forgivenss is Grace is unmerited favor. Thank You Jesus!!!

Our emotions will often betray us. Our emotions cannot be trusted! If we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, we can easily feel like punching someone. Most of us don't allow our emotions to go that far, but, underneath the surface, it's boiling...we want to take someone out...knock them into yesterday. We must take every thought, and every negative emotion, captive...and if it isn't of God, then sling that nasty emotion as far as you can throw it...spiritually. Then ask The Holy Spirit to help you access His love, joy and peace.

You have two young children, and raising young ones is hard...it challenges everyone, but for some of us, especially those of us whose emotions feel like their one spark away from exploding, it is extremely challenging. I remember!!! I remember well, and my daughter was such an easy child. It was me that was not in balance. I was a Christian at that time, too, but I my emotions were raging most of the time. I was always fearful that something bad was going to happen to my child, AND, I was miserable!!! That's when I started reading every self-help book I could put on my hands on. I say, Every, except one, and the One was The Bible -- I didn't read that one very much at all. And guess what? none of those other books helped -- in fact, most of them made me angrier.

Announcement: Not all mothers can be with their children day in and day out without a blessed break. We are not super women nor super mothers nor super human. Find a friend...another Christian woman in similar circumstances: a stay at home Mom that looks tired. Let the kids play, or argue, or whatever, while the two of you sit and get into a real conversation. Teach the children together. Most of teaching is gentle correction anyway, and if there are two of you, and you gather in Jesus' name, you'll KNOW that He is there too.

Finances are a bear, especially when there is a shortage. And, of course, we would all love to have excess; however, for most of us...that is not how it's going to be. If you are getting hounding phone calls from creditors, get rid of your home phone, and get a cell phone and don't give the number out. Stop spending money, except for essentials. The kids don't need more toys, they WANT their mommy's spirit to be calm. Kids pick up on spiritual vibes way more than us adults.

As Christians, we all have the indwelling of The Holy Spirit. Hallelujah!!! Thank You Jesus!!! However, there are many, many, many Christians that have never received the baptism of The Holy Spirit. The reasons??? too many to say. I didn't receive the baptism of The Holy Spirit until I had been Born Again 23 years. I don't know exactly why, even though I could offer up a number of reasons -- but, that doesn't really matter now. The thing is, it finally did happen, and mannnnnnnnn oh mannnnnnnnnnn what a difference!!! I finally came to end of myself, and I was ready to get real with God, and do whatever I needed to do to live a life with included peace and joy.

Read The Bible!!! Read the blessed Studies on this site!!! Seek to get to know The Lord God!!!: God The Father, God The Son and God The Holy Spirit. ASK: Ask, Seek, Knock, those are The Lord's own Words...He's not hiding, He is waiting for you. Don't worry about cleaning yourself up first...that is His job -- to clean us up. He loves you, Lyl. The Lord God Almighty loves you, and He wants you to experience all He has to give you.

While doing the CCCC Study, be sure to focus on the Truths shared in the Study, in each of your journal entries. Don't just share your problems...but list how you can apply the Truths in the study to your life's situations/problems. The Truth will set you free.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Lyl.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[lyl1114]

WOW. Thank you to my wonderful brother and sisters in Christ!!

JohnR....Thank you. While reading your post, it really hit hard with me about my selfishness and self-centeredness! It is true. My upbringing is similar to yours...grew up in a christian family (3rd generation). mine was verbal, emotional, just psychological abuse (few physical)...and grew up with TOO many insecurities and kinda distorted view of christianity. But thank you for sharing your story and your journey. Your posts have really given me encouragement, as I can relate. Yes, LET GO AND LET GOD...maybe I am making a simple thing too complicated.

Jill...I will definitely need to read that book. I am ashamed that maybe it's me. I need to take responsibility and stop blaming others. Thank you. You are leading me to self examine myself and really look into and deal with my problems. God bless you as well~!

Debbie. You are so gentle and so sweet. Your words of encouragement and prayers are always uplifting. Thank you.

Sister Mack...thank you as well. I never understood what Jesus said about forgiving 490 times the way you described it but makes sense! It doesn't go away even after I say I forgive. My emotions are definitely NOT to be trusted! Thank you for understanding my situation of motherhood. I am also fearful that I might do something to my children when I am just so burnt out. But praise God that He has given me extra servings of patience as I deal with my children the past few days. I see a change in myself. I see God is working in me. I will try to read the Bible more by making time and look into the study in Truths. And I will focus on God's truths, rather than my problems... "I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it When it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus"

THANK YOU THANK YOU to you all for your prayers. I thank God for all of you

[xxJILLxx]

Likewise i thank HIm for you

God bless
♥Jill