Christianity Oasis Forum

[Timothy]

Excellent question kricky517 !

As you continue your journey through this program the answer to your question, and so much more, will be revealed to you. We could give you the answers on a silver platter. But, unless you continue your journey, they will not resenate
with your spirit cause they are of a different mind set. Don't get bogged down in any one step. Keep going. This is your
journey to take with God. He's standing there holding out His hand to you. Take it. Take the journey. Step 2 coming up.

[Timothy]

Excellent question kricky517 !

As you continue your journey through this program the answer to your question, and so much more, will be revealed to you. Don't get bogged down in any one step. Keep going. This is your journey to take with God. He's standing there holding out His hand to you. Take it. Take the journey. Step 2 coming up.

[dantyriverside]

Hi Krista My suggestion would be to ask him that question. Be open and honest with him about your feelings. As Mack has said you may find that he is feeling the same way you are. Unfortunately he is expressing himself in negative ways. As It was suggested try doing the Til Death Do Us Part Study here. I helped me repair my fears and anguish about marriage and I am now able to get married after swearing for 6 years that I would NEVER get married again. It is not just for those married. It is for those thinking of marriage or in long term relationships. I think it would help. It would help Dean too if there were a way that he could do it too. I have found that the best thing that is working in my relationship is communication. We discuss everything even down to "I am going to my room to be alone for awhile because I am sad you can come in later but not now" or "I will have bad days and it has nothing to do with you so dont take it personally just give me time and it will pass over and know that I still love you." I let him know these things so he knows ok I can try to cheer her up but if it doesnt work thats ok too. We made a promise to discuss everything. It is not always comfortable discussing your feelings when you would rather just go hide..... but we promised not to shut each other out. And above all else NO SILENT TREATMENT. Neither of us are mind readers. So again we must discuss. Now granted we have only been together for almost a year but we are hopeing if we start off right this time we will do this right, So communication is everything. God Bless and I will continue to keep yall in my prayers.


danty

[kricky517]

I have no idea what to do. My unemployment has run out and I tried to have a discussion with dean today that we need to figure something out. He just started yelling at me, telling me that it is my fault cause i dont have a job or a license.
He always tells me that he is not going to take care of me. Pretty much that he only cares about Ariana. Although, with the money I have made from unemployment, I have paid for stuff for him.
I have applied to jobs and then he says that I can't do the jobs unless i have a license. Things are just so wrong.
He always tells me that he is going to go to the welfare office and find out about child support and that he is gonna get ari half the time. I dont want that. I want him to see her but not half the time. I have always been her primary caregiver. I put her too bed, get her up in the morning, get her fed, plan all the meals, change all her diapers, do all her baths, call her doctors, give her medication, take care of her all the time... he takes naps whenever he wants, never lets me nap to give me a break.
When I ask him to watch her while I take a shower or make dinner, he either refuses or tells me to hurry up.
I don't know what to do. I am sick to my stomach.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Kricky (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

Kricky, it is not surprising that Dean is reacting the way he is. While, it is not the ideal way to respond, it is the typical human reaction when someone does not have the solution -- human behavior seeks to blame someone else. Unfortunately, you are the closest target to point at and to lay blame. Sadly, Kricky, you are doing the same -- you are laying blame on Dean. I know that stung a little to read, and I'm sorry if it hurt, but not sorry I said it. The truth hurts sometimes. We all have an enemy, his name is Satan, and he seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

God is the answer to everything. We must seek The Lord with our whole heart, and He will give us rest for our weary souls, and He will give us direction -- He'll guide us.

While I wish Dean would not sling those verbal arrows, and wish he would not resort to threats of "taking the baby away", from what you have described in all your previous posts, he has provided you and the baby with some sort of housing, financial support and transportation to wherever you needed to go. He, at one time, even went as far as to purchase an engagement ring for you. There was a reason for that purchase. I may be way off course here, but it sounds like he may have been in love with you. Maybe, he still is???

While it may be surprising to hear, just one to two generations ago, most all the child rearing was done by the mother, not the dad. Dads seldom, if ever, changed diapers, or bathed the children. It has only been in the last couple generations that dads ventured into that area. My own dad never changed a diaper, or bathed his children, nor did he ever prepare a meal, or make a bed. He did, however, provide as best he could, and protected us as best he could.

I know it sounds as if I'm taking Dean's side, but Kricky, I'm not taking sides. Your situation is a difficult one, but not an horrendous one, and not one without hope, because Jesus is the source of all our hope. You are safe, for now, and so is baby. Take this time to grow in your relationship with The Lord. The Lord is the ONE with all the answers pertaining to your life.

I really encourage you to read the CCCC Study on this site. It helped me, and hundreds of others, grow in our relationship with The Lord, and in that blessed relationship with The Lord, He leads us and gives us the answers to all our life's problems.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God has a plan for you. He has a plan for each one of us. I hope you will take the time and check out the Study.

Here is the link to the CCCC (COOL Confidential Christian Counseling) Study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf, Kricky. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

Remember, Jesus loves you, Kricky.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[kricky517]

I understand what you are all saying. But I am not going to have sex with him unless I am married. And all he wants is the sex.
Truthfully, I wonder now why he ever proposed. After he did, he began dragging his feet. And then I got pregnant and felt even more horrible for my sin. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I just wish she could have been born to married parents.
I know that a lot of his anger is due to him not getting sex. But I guess there has to be some reason why he only talks about finding a "replacement" to have sex with. Yes he always says that I can be replaced easily.
I want to sit with him and talk but it seems that all he does is yell at me and blame me for everything whenever i try to talk things through.
I have thought about ways i can talk to him about realizing his sins, but I know he will just yell at me.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Kricky (((hugs)))

God bless you.

I'm sorry if you thought I was suggesting you have sexual relations with Dean. Please, allow me to set the record straight, I am not making any suggestions to you in that regard. I am only encouraging you to seek a closer relationship with The Lord so you can hear what His will for you is.

I know you may feel trapped right now, and I wish I had the answer you seek, but I do not. I do know, however, that God has the answer. Jesus loves you so very much.

Prayers continue to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Kricky.
Love,
Mack

[Timothy]

In 100% agreement with Sister Mack.

Sister Kricky, "Are you ready to overcome the problem and have peace restored in your life?"

If the answer is, yes: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Seek God first...then the rest will be made available to you.

As Sister Mack reports:
> Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf, Kricky.
May God's blessed and perfect will be done. <

Timothy

[kricky517]

I have been praying for many things. Patience, the right words to say to Dean so that he will understand, the ability to forgive dean, for God to lead me, for God to give me strength, etc. I pray a lot.
Tonight he began putting my family down again. Then complaining that my shows i watch are stupid, and that we are total opposites. That turned to him saying he needed to get away for a while, then onto putting down my mother.
And all I was doing was sitting quietly watching television.
I know it takes two for things to go wrong, but it also takes two to fix things. And I am the only one who wants to try.

[dantyriverside]

hi Krista my moma said never pray for patience. That to get patience God who have to give you trials (problems) and if you are like me I can find them on my own I dont need anyone to give me anymore.

As for Dean picking on you. I will keep praying for ya. I know that may be of little comfort when he is towering over you screaming insults but maybe you could do like I used to do and try to think of a happy place and let it go in one ear and out the other. Holding on to the insults will only hurt you and that is what he wants so dont give him that power. This is especially important if you plan on working things out.

Did you do the TIl Death Do Us Part study? It helped me so I pray it will help you.

I dont want to sway you one way or another... whether to stay or go but I am curious if you have heard anything on your apartment or if you have given up on that.

I'll keep praying for ya
danty