Christianity Oasis Forum

[TeganB]

Entry 1

I came across this site while looking up free online Christian counselors. I didn't bother looking at other sites and went straight to this one first somehow, but I won't complain. It's a start and I need to talk to new people- Christians- and see if I can't get answers for my issues..

I come from a family of divided religions where my Dad is Lutheran and goes to his church while my mom goes to an Assembly of God. This has gone on longer than I can remember and came to terms earlier this year that I wanted nothing to do with either one of them. I just had that feeling that neither were right for me and that there's a church out there specifically for me. I'll find out sooner or later I suppose. Currently I'm in college and need to expand my search around there. I've heard a couple of suggestions, so I may check them out when I get the time.

But what's plaguing me right now is whether or not I've done anything right since July. I had a friend who I've been with since first grade who's been dumped by her first love. I will confess that I am now dating him, but I'm beginning to think it's all been wrong. First off I even told my friend I'd never date him and do that wrong to her. That was said back in March before they ended and he'd apparently liked me since before then. But I don't feel happy with it right now. Am I feeling guilt? Probably. She and I had such bad falling outs and fall break was the worst. I have to say that my friend, Paige, was not a very good friend once she started dating though. She began leaving me behind in the dust to spend time with her boyfriend, Tyler. After a year of trying to go after her and preserve our friendship, I was ready to give up. College was approaching soon, so there seemed to use in wasting anymore energy when I was going to meet new people.

Now I'm dating Tyler and still am making time to do things with everyone else. However, it's mostly been family.. I'm beginning to suspect that my old friends have 'left' me for Paige and I can't really say I blame them although I've done nothing wrong against them. They haven't even talked to me since I started dating Tyler. I wish people would talk to me. Paige even went to a psychologist at my urging (and Tyler's, but she listens to him more. Who knows why, it's like I don't even exist anymore to her.) and never even told me that her psychologist told her that she should keep a distance between the three of us since we were all not happy with each other. I had to find this out from her blog, and found out that she'd been telling her ex-boyfriend everything and telling me nothing. She even apologized to him for several incidents and nothing to me. Maybe I deserved it, but I feel like she can't do that after saying how afraid she was about losing our friendships. I've lost sleep over this and became sick to the point where I had something called an aura migraine and I'd never been more scared in my life.

I feel like I've pushed a lot of people away this year, but I thought it was for the better. But here I am now on New Year's Eve and feeling miserable and I don't know what to do. Have I been doing the wrong thing this whole time? Do I need to change my view on things?

One more thing I will add to today's entry is that I've had visions before. It's just one and never-ending. It's me running in a sea of pink clouds on a path to a figure sitting in a blue throne. There's this really bright light behind him but I can always see clearly the warm smile on his face and the gentle look in his eyes. He's holding his hand out to me while I reach out for him with tears in my eyes, but I can never reach him. It seems like I slip even further away with every step and I can't stand it. It feels like he can solve every problem I have and fill the gaping hole in my heart, but it's frustrating to see that I can't him just yet.

I really hate feeling so lost and confused.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello and welcome to the oasis!
I wanted to tell you I found this place just as you did and just like you I didn't go to the others, I believe God led you here just as I feel that is why I was led here, I've been here 2 years and still have NO interest in looking any farther
Please look around and feel free to ask questions, you will find this site full of God's love as well as a ton of info created to help those in need or those searching for answers
As for the things you spoke of
You are not your mom or your dad so allow God to lead you to the church He wants for you, you will know, I got lucky I was raised Lutheran but 20 some years passed and I went to the church I attend now and have been there ever since and it is not Lutheran, I feel for now this is where He wants me.
As for the other, you will find there are many opinions of this but I think you already know who holds the answers, this is between you and God and I think he is trying to give you the answer, you must go to Him ask and be quiet and listen to Him to hear His path for you, your vision is Him calling to you but you are not allowing yourself to listen, this is the not being able to reach the hand as you are reaching for it, it is as you said He can and will give you answers and fill that empty spot that nothing else can.
Again welcome to the oasis and may God bless you as only He can
Cuc

[TeganB]

Thank you Cuc, I believe he's been trying to tell me, but I don't know how to sit there and listen for anything he might be saying. I know that I have to have patience though, and it's something I definitely need more of. Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply. ^_^

Entry 2

I'm feeling a lot better about things in general today. The only thing that even remotely bothers me today is the stitches I have for getting my wisdom teeth taken out. I can't wait to get the stitches out soon, they bother me and gross me out.

I'm fairly happy today, and get to go out to eat with my family at Red Lobster for my sister's birthday even though that's a ways away. We're getting this done before both of us go back to our respective colleges. I do hope my mom feels well enough to go though, she wasn't feeling well yesterday.

[Mackenaw]

Hello TeganB

God bless you this day.

I am glad The Lord led you here and that you are seeking His Counsel. The Lord loves you so very much, and God The Father, God The Son and God The Holy Spirit all want a personal relationship with you.

I'm not sure if you are reading the 14 Day Study / CCCC Study or not, I assume you are, but just in case here is the link to the Study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

It is good to journal your thoughts on your life's journey, but equally as important to journal about the lessons taught within each day's step of the Study. God's Word and the lessons within the Study are so good to meditate on, think on and journal/write down, as it helps get it planted and watered deeper within. God, Himself, will give the increase.

I look forward to reading what you have to share.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[TeganB]

Hello Sister Mack,

Yes, I realized that after I posted my second entry that I needed to go on to the second stepping stone. I really like what it's talking about and I have a really good feeling about this Stepping Stones process.

Thank you and have a good day/evening/night!

[TeganB]

Entry 3

Dear Lord,

After I have written my first entry, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. It was from that point on that I finally felt like I had someone I could tell everything to without any worries. I want to try and make it a habit to talk to you more no matter what time of day it is. I know that I can and should tell you of my sins and I know that you will forgive me. I am also sorry that it has taken this long for me to reach out and say something. I have been searching for you, and I am ready to listen. Please grant me the patience to wait and hear you. I long to have a deep and intimate relationship with you.

Eagerly waiting and forever yours,
Tegan

After reading about the third stepping stone, a little light ignited within me. I realized the Lord is willing to forgive anything and I'm so grateful for that. I have denied Him before but I will never deny Him ever again. I will do my best to do what he wants me to do.

[TeganB]

Entry 4

I forgot to do this yesterday with so much going on. But I'm back now!

Stepping Stone 4 struck a nerve with me- but in a good way that makes me think- if that's possible.

You cease to feel resentment against an offender, but you really don't trust them anymore whether you should or should not in some cases, causing you not to be able to trust others for this particular offense caused by one soul.
You can forgive but you can't forget. You store a record of the offence in the back of your mind just in case you need to bring it up at a later date for any reason.
You claim to forgive, but your relationship has never been quite the same with the person … and never will be. You tolerate the offender as much and as you can bear to, because Jesus said to forgive. Sometimes you rarely speak, if ever again, and the relationship virtually ends after the so-called forgiveness.
You excuse the offense, but you ridicule, deride, mock, taunt or rally the offender, sometimes in anger and other times in humor.
You forgive outwardly for appearances, but inside you just can't seem to forgive.
Some things you forgive, some things ya don't, it's complicated y'know.
You pardon someone totally and unconditionally. You continue to love the person who sinned against you, just as you did before the offense. It's as though it never even happened. Recollections of the offense are not used for any reason. You don't forget that you're a sinner yourself and mercy and grace are the greatest gift that God has given you through Jesus Christ.

I can do this easily with pretty much everyone.

However..

I have been friends with this girl ever since first grade and now we're in our first year in college- the same college no less since that's the only place her mom would let her go because I was going.

She had wronged me so many times with taking advantage of my friendship. Everything she thought was minor was a big issue with her, but I turned the other cheek and forgave her for all of them. Other problems she'd caused in the past years pales in comparison to what she did last year; everything fell apart and she completely tore apart everything I worked hard on trying to preserve our friendship. After fighting and yelling at both me and my boyfriend, she wised up and went to a psychologist afterwards. Then she apologized to my boyfriend and started talking him everything while paying no mind to me. I'm so hurt because she said she was afraid of losing our friendship, and now she's not even trying to fix it. Is she so used to having me pick up the messes that I'm supposed to try and fix something she had done- again?

Other problems she'd caused in the past years pales in comparison to what she did last year.

How can I forgive her for something like this?

[TeganB]

Entry 5

My sister's now trying to get out of a relationship with a boy who's known for severe depression. She told me how he was crying on the phone to her before driving over to talk, and how she's worried about him hurting himself. I felt this extreme wave of despair come over me. Where did this come from??

I used to play the blame game before I graduated high school. Somewhere along the way to now, I've figured out to stop doing that and leave others alone. I started taking responsibility for my actions and suffered the consequences, thus leaving no one else to blame but myself. But it looks like I can't blame myself either. However, can't blame Satan either since he's only the source. Looks like the only way to go is talk to God, and honestly, I have no problem. It's about time for a talk anyways, I only hope I can hear Him one way or another.