Christianity Oasis Forum

[Faithandlove]

Forgive me, it's kinda lengthy:

Well, about four years ago, I got married to a wonderful man. My soul mate. We didn't date long, but we shared all the things that we thought were important for the other to know. One, being that he had children (all grown and gone, but one). The one, a daughter, lived just up the road from him, but he assured me that she would not be a bother to us. Taking him at his word, I did not question him further about her, nor did he talk about her much. We were so in love, we got married.

Long story short, the daughter up the road, became a problem.

Not long after we were married, she became "possessive". Like she couldn't bare the thought of not being the apple of her fathers' eye anymore, so began creating problems.

Him, being the loving and devoting dad, did not see any problems arising. He couldn't see what I was making a big fuss about, so he allowed her to continue on.

I tried talking to him repeatedly about her and what I thought she was doing to our marriage. But he wouldn't listen and my strategy backfired. He now thinks I'm jealous of her. I'm not. Never have been, never will be. Two years ago, we seperated and haven't spoken.

His daughter up the road is 31yrs old and she has an 8 year old daughter, his granddaughter.

The problem isn't so much her as it is him. I don't think he sees her as anything but his little girl. And I mean little girl, like 6 yrs old. And he treats her as such, to some degree. Not only does he bend all the way over backwards to her EVERY request, but he has put her on some kind of throne, that only he worships. In his eyes, she the most beautiful person he has ever seen. She wears the best clothes he had ever seen (really, like I'm not kidding with this one). She has the prettiest hair, best smile, best daughter, best cook, best EVERYTHING. He compliments her ALL THE TIME. She loves it and lives for it. The relationship that they have is one more like husband and wife, than that of father and daughter. It's not only creepy, it's sickening. He has turned his back on all others for her, including me and his other children. In his eyes, only him and her, are a family. She is his god, and I refuse to worship her.

My husband is 68yrs old.

Before I go any further, let me say this about the daughter: She is the child of an ex-wife that he loved dearly. I think, more than life itself, he loved her mother. With everything that was in him, he loved that woman. That's beautiful. When they met, he told me that she had a bit of a mental problem, but that didn't stop him from wanting to marry her. So they got married and she had his daughter. I'm not sure of all of the details of what happened, but as time went on, her mental illness was getting the best of her. So, one day when he went to work, she took the daughter (then two) and left. It took him four years before he found her and their child. The child now six, was still wearing diapers. She couldn't talk, walk, feed herself and she wasn't in school. The mother had completely flipped and had shut down. He got custody of his daughter and divorced the mother. At six years old, he had to teach her to talk, walk, feed herself and potty train her. He did this all on his own. When she finally started school, she was far behind her peers and in special classes. She functions well as an adult, but is very sarcasic, manipulative and fake.

Here is my problem: I want a divorce.

But all throughout this whole seperation thing, God has been speaking. Subtle, but speaking. He obviously don't want me and my husband to get a divorce, but I want out! Here lately, He has really been pressing in my heart to speak to my husband. I want to obey, I really do, but............the hurt. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to say to him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I have been running from the voice of God for a while on this one.

Thank you.

[gabrielle1965]

Faith and Love, Prayer and Fasting on this one is well needed. Divorce with GOD is a not, unless someone commits adultery. I believe you could work this out but it's going to take alot of patience and understanding. Your husband needs both of you in his life, and making him choose is not a good option I understand that's not what your trying to do but he could have that in the back of his mind, I am sure he loves you very much and doesn't want a divorce. Maybe you need to seek a good Christian Counselor. I will be praying for you and your situation. Love Sister Gabrielle

[momof3]

Hi Sis,

God bless you sister. Im praying for you through this as so many others will be also. The following is a link to just one of the many studies here.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... ivorce.htm



There is also the Till Death do we Part program that is awesome and may help you see where to go from here...

While I believe that sometimes we go ahead and do things, including marrying someone God had not willed for us, therefore God had neither blessed nor ordained the union, I also believe that if He has put the two together, He will work in the lives of those He brought together. There are several tools He has given us to help us in seeking His will and hearing what He would say to us. The Till Death Do We Part study is just one of them.

I would also encourage you to read The Love Dare book which was intended to speak to those in troubled marriages. Keep seeking Him through this, sister. We are praying for you.

Keep praying about this...seeking His will.

His perfect will be done in this.

In Jesus,
love momo

[Dora]

If he feels you are jealous or against her in any way he will not hear anything you have to say about her. You can only help open his eyes when he sees and accepts that you love her and want what is best for her as much as he does. When his eyes are opened then and only then can he begin to help her stop manipulating.

How can you do this?

Time and Prayer and laying down your own life (wants, needs and feelings).

It will be a long difficult battle but in the end you may save not only your marriage but, your spouse, his daugher and her daughter as well. It's your choice if you are up for the battle or not.

Pray about it and always always always follow His voice above anyone elses. He knows best and wants best for all of you. Praying for you friend.

[Faithandlove]

Thank you ladies, for this advice.

I was so embarassed to come on here and air my dirty laundry about my marriage, but I didn't know what else to do and I had been avoiding this for about the last year and a half, just hoping that I was hearing from God, but He was (is) speaking.

I am going to take everyones' advice and go from here.

God bless.

[gabrielle1965]

Faith and Love, I don't want to discredit anyone's counsel to you or the section they have here on divorce, the teaching on what they say in the death do you part section, they say what Jesus taught is not accurate with the bible. No one should stay in and abusive or adulterous relationship, I agree but I don't agree with the teaching on not every marriage is ordained by GOD no not every marriage is but when we stand before a judge, preacher whomever marries people, we are taking a covenant with GOD christian or not christian. They all matter to GOD, I have read it to many times. He hates Divorce. Adultery is talked about more than any other sin in the bible. I am not given advice to you on what you should do but I would seek some kind of counseling maybe a Pastor with a good knowledge and background in this area. There are Christian Counselors and above all seek GOD. Study the word yourself from the bible. I believe you really don't want a divorce or you wouldn't be seeking help, I believe your husband really doesn't want to be alone and without you or he would have sought divorce. I am still praying for you. Luv and prayers Gabrielle.

[Faithandlove]

Hi Gabby!

Thanks for the advice. I know that God is not in all of our decision making and there are quite a few marriages out there that He has not ordained. I know.

But I don't think mine is one of those marriages that was left up to chance. I do, really do believe, that God gave me my husband. My situation isn't abusive, just mentally taxing.

And yes, like I said before, I want out of this. Like yesterday! I have even drawn up the divorce papers. The reason why I'm here is like I have said: God keeps "talking" to me about it, through preaching, the Bible, conformation from others and in my quiet moments, He'll speak a word. That kind of thing. I haven't been listening to Him, because I haven't been wanting to. I know that God can and will work things out. I'm just trying to think if that's what I want, too. The road could be long and difficult. But I can't (won't) keep disobeying God.

God bless, Love.