Christianity Oasis Forum

[blueshine]

My heart is very hurting. I feel so sad, I have a deepest sadness in my soul, it has been there for many years, but today I feel I am in the limit, cannot bear it anymore.. I lost hope, and do not have strength to continue.. I feel dead … and really want to be dead. I am 40 in few days, I am alone.. without hope… cannot see that is possible that my situation could change.
I made a big mistake some years ago, leaving my job.. I wanted to start a business and it got very bad.. I left my job because I really thought that God will help me with the business.. I prayed strongly for a year, before I left the job, many people in church helped me with it. I believed that time, that God was letting me go out from my job, really believe that and believe that God want me to be in other stage helping others and been blessing to many others… but everything go very bad,.. in the process.. I lost everything.. my boyfriend.. he deceived me, I lost my best friend, he left me, and my family never have been with me in any achievement or idea…. My heart hurts, .. the empty and pain is so strong.. I don’t have tears anymore.. it is just a strong hole in my heart that also I feel it in my stomach.
Next week I will be 40 years old.. that is so bad and painful…I am too old for most jobs and overqualified for others… . all my old friends are married with children, with jobs.. with life… and today that do not have anything, for my friends I am not a good company… because there are so much pain in my heart, I am not a good speaker anymore, and of course neither counselor.. people some times laugh at me because I am single and ask me why you are single?.. … that hurts.. because .. I do not know… do not have the answer.. although I have had couple, things did not work either because he deceived me or left.. now I feel too old to meet and love anyone.. that hurts. … I worked so hard all my life, studied hard, tried to be good Christian, good example, and today do not have nothing,
I think that maybe I lost the purpose of God in my life.. when younger, I wanted and did so many things for my church, for my country, for many people… these are now only memories.. I feel like in a prison.. do not have chance to do anything now..
I ask God: Could I died promptly and stopping to suffer? Shall I stay in life been the pity before all? Could I have the new strength to overcome this sadness and start a new life? Will I be happy one day?

[Weeder]

I hope you do become happy some day. I can relate. Look in the mirror and smile for yourself, to yourself.

[Pzetts]

Your post reminds me of Job:

Job 14:13-17
13 “Oh, that You would hide me in the grave, That You would conceal me until Your wrath is past, That You would appoint me a set time, and remember me!
14 If a man dies, shall he live again? All the days of my hard service I will wait, Till my change comes.
15 You shall call, and I will answer You; You shall desire the work of Your hands.
16 For now You number my steps, But do not watch over my sin.
17 My transgression is sealed up in a bag, And You cover my iniquity.

I pray that God will comfort you as you let Him be the one who fills all the empty places you are feeling. People will let us down again and again, but God will never forsake us. Like Job, you will one day look back and thank God for your trials. Satan is a liar and he wants to bring you to the ruin that your flesh desires, but God has better plans for you.

Ephesians 2:10
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Thank God that He knows what He is doing because we sure don't!

-Peter

[TrueAndMagneticNorth]

Hi angelcame,

I will pray to The Lord specifically about the trials you are going through. It's clearly a tough, tough stage of life you are experiencing right now, but I want to offer you some encouragement through some particular bible verses.

Firstly, perseverance is a theme mentioned often in the bible. Perseverance with faith in God, and perseverance with toughing it out through the hard times. The previous poster in the thread mentioned Job, which is a great and fitting example.

James 1:12 says,'Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.'

Of course, at the risk of stating the obvious, 'man' here applies to all people. He knows full well that you are in hard times right now. He wants to help you and He will, in His good time, if you continue to call upon Him.

Getting back to the theme of Job, James 5:11 says,'As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.'

On the subject of not being married as you approach a specific age, I really hope that you get exactly the sort of relationship in your life that you, and God, would want for you. I will also pray specifically for you to this end.

As to what you will actually experience relationship-wise, God is the only one with knowledge about what the future holds.

But let me just offer you this little bit of encouragement. Jesus, the infinite and most pure human being who ever lived was single from birth to death. Sure, marriage and children were His invention, but He, Himself, did not have reason to include these things in His own perfect life.

So let me just say this: Of course, His inventions of marriage and children, when applied correctly, are wonderful. And I wish these things for you in the future if it is what you and God both desire for you. But, in the meantime, in this one way, with God's help and guidance of course, it is possible for you to live more like Jesus than what us married people can.

Further to this, Paul, a great man of The Lord at that time, wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:8,' To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.'

I wish you all the best and God's help as you make your way through these difficult times. Don't give up. No matter how bad things may look at any time, there is always the hope of better times, with perserverance in The Lord.

[radiant sunflower]

First and foremost you need to know you are valued that your life is irreplaceable and while you are experiencing much pain, you can heal. Though I had a marriage of 18 years, it was bad. I was belittled and treated as if I were a burden and not a blessing.
You also need to know that if you allow your emotions to reflect the opinions of others, your hurt will increase and depression will be allowed its foundation to remain. In other words, trust what the Lord has to say about you. He values you. You are a princess in His kingdom. You are the apple of your Heavenly Father's eye. BUT you are in this world. And the ways of the world can obscure our value. Scripture says to separate from the world...this means to stop thinking like it and behaving like it. For example, who has any right to laugh at you for not being married. NO ONE! You can separate that thought from yours and hold on to the truth that with or without a spouse you are a treasure. Go look in a mirror and tell yourself that you are a treasure...I mean it!
This is just a start. You could also benefit from a physical. Depression can be increased by many things. You may have a vitamin deficiency or even a hormone deficiency. I too suffered from depression. Much of which could be explained by my abusive childhood and abusive former husband. BUT, the doctor's discovered that I had a low thyroid production. Now 10- years on Synthroid I have only had 3 short bouts of depression. One after the suicide of my brother. Another due to my selfishness and the last when I worked midnights and got little sleep. I know that it is hard to see a doctor without insurance. Find people to help you investigate your city, town, or county for any aid in seeing a doctor. You can also ask you church to help cover a doctor visit or two.
Many blessings you beautiful creation!

[blueshine]

Weeder, Pzetts, TrueandMagneticNorth and radiantflower, I do thanks for your words of encouragement and your prayers. I do appreciate your replies. In my loneliness they means that somebody heard me, and it make me feel with hope. Thanks and blessings.
I read Job, and truly feel like him. Today I went to the church and I know that only God could take me out from this situation and plead for his mercy. I heard a message about Peter, when he denied Jesus… He recognized Him, but was walking far from Him; not so far to do not see him, but not very close to be with Him… I feel like him,… It was nice to hear what Jesus did with Peter, although this mistake, after his resurrection, although he denied Him, Jesus still the promises He made to Peter… … I pray I could have a life.. I pray that God could heal my heart completely; I need this miracle from Him in my life, I plead for it.
In a week I will start a work just for a month, in other city. God`s will, I will be back to my city in a month. I want to believe that God opens this work, as there is not other opportunity at the moment. Although it is a blessing, I have fear and sadness, because in the other city I know some people and I think that it will be hard to meet them, being alone and also feeling defeated… without nothing.. they know me before in other condition… they are not Christian, and all of them are good in every way… I feel terrible as a Christian before them.. quite bad testimony I think.. I think also that some of them will look at me with pity and maybe other with irony… I do appreciate your prayer for this,… I wanted to be good testimony for them.. but I am not.. I really want to be different… not like I am… but cannot be different… only God can.. If God does not work a miracle in my life,… nothing to do…
It is like a battle in my mind. I read the replies and them made me feel with hope and I thank you for that, however, I feel like two voices, one saying what you wrote and I heard at the church, and other, reminded me that “without a husband or somebody with me” it is not possible to go on. I wish I could delete that from my mind and heart this, I wish I could be like Jesus or Paul, feeling happy being alone, but unfortunately I am not… I would not want to be alone.. I pray for His mercy. I also pray that if God wants me to be single, He then change my heart or my desire and give strength, happiness and words to face this situation. … I know that He is a God of Love and miracles and I do need, his love in my heart and his miracles in my life..
I thank you for the advice about going to a doctor, I will do it, as soon as I can. I thought about it some days ago, as I consider as you told me that my depression could be also related with any physical thing.
I thank you very much for your replies and even more for your prayers. I do need them.

[momof3]

Hi my sister in Christ and welcome to Oasis!

My sister, Im just led to tell you that you are not defined by people. Only God defines you. You are a child of God. You are precious to Him. What other people think of you isnt truth. Only God knows your heart. He knows you intimately.

I am praying for you...along with so many others here. Have you begun the counceling steps offered here in Oasis? I have seen so many lives changed through the healing of the Holy Spirit and the truth He brings to our hearts through them.

Sister, God knew before He created you every step you were going to take..every thought you were going to have. The enemy of your soul has been lying to you and you have been believing him. God sees you so differently than you see yourself. Im so glad He led you here to the Oasis. You arent here by mistake or by accident. He has heard you and led you here to find His truth in how He sees you. You are so precious to Him. Do the steps and let Him open your heart to His truth and get rid of the lies youve believed for so long about yourself.

Im praying for you...many are. Again, Im so glad you are here.

In Jesus,
love momo

[blueshine]

God bless you Momo, I am also glad to be in this space. I thank you for the support. I started with the first step, but honestly I struggle with my faith,.. unfortunately is like you said, maybe I heard more the enemy than the word of God… I did not want to do it… but just happened.. it is so difficult to think that things could change… I really struggle to believe it.. Altouhgth I really want to do so. I struggle with my faith, but I do think that if Jesus does not help me and heal my heart, nobody could do it. I do thank you for your prayers, I do appreciate them. Thank you very much for being there.

[momof3]

Sister, he lies to all of God's children. He is the great deceiver and is very skilled at lying to us. That is his goal.

You, however, are a daughter of the King. You are a child of God. You are loved so much more than you know. And, the minute you gave your life to Christ, the Holy Spirit moved into your heart. He will lead you, and show you how to allow Him to remove the lies and replace them with what He says about you..and to you. Condemnation does not come from Him. You have heard Him speaking to you and allowed Him to lead you here to Oasis. One day at a time in this counceling, my sister. I cant tell you how precious you are to Him. There is no way to measure the depth of His love for you. Oh, sister, He knows your heart. He loves and cherishes you so very much.

We are here for you through this journey. He is within you. Lean on Him and allow Him to change the way you feel about yourself. He is so faithful when we seek Him.

God bless you, my new friend.

In Jesus,
love momo

[blueshine]

Hi Momo, althought I have been doing the process,.. honestly it has been so difficult... I am so tired to be like that, to feel so much pain in my heart.. today I have had time with the Lord, and prayed that do not want to live anymore, no more, everything is going wrong… and I know that the problem is me, maybe I have had many opportunities in my life, but because my pain in my heart I have moved apart from everybody all the time… do not want to be like that, but is me.. .
Today I asked Lord why He did not reply never my prayers, for 30 years I have prayed for being heal in my heart, I prayed for having a kind family, for having friends to love and to be loved and for having husband… and nothing happened.. during all these years I prayed a lot, serve the Lord in many ways, being a good Christian. When I was young I dreamt to help children and people, I used to be a Sunday school teacher and enjoy that, and in that time I really believed that God would answer all my prayers, although I did not have family support that time aswell as now, I do belived that He wold reply. I thought that.. but it did happened, so a couple of years ago, I stoped to do everything in the church, as everything in my life go the bad to worse.. so I thought that I am not good example to follow, because people would say : way you preach that and you are so bad?...
Today I thought something that made me cry very much: The big origen of my pain comes from my childhood, as I never receive love an recognition from my parent neither from my brother, although I was very good student and everybody always recognized me, my family not.. For my dad I always did everything wronge, even when I got a good position when I was 28 and remained there for 7 years, he always said so many bad things and always make me cry, and made me thing that I was not able, although things in my life went ok. I left many projects and started others for him and always I want to se if maybe he cold feel ok or happy with that decision, but never happened , for him everything is wronge and is so negative all the time, he push down all his sons and daughters all the time, and my mum never did anything to avoid it.
The thing why I cried so much is because I have some manners similar to my dad, and I hate it, I feel that this is like a curse and do not want that,…

I feel that there is none opportunity for my future at all… and if God did not hear me before when I served Him so much.. why would do it now… I do not have strength to dream, I do not have friends, I do not have family.
I just pray that do not want to live anymore… I know for sure that creation is so beautiful and there are many thing to enjoy in life, I know, but … I am alone… and even if I get a job and have opportunity to do things… I do not have anyone to share my dreams or my thoughts or my time or being interested in my future… so what´s the point to go on.. …

[Dora]

I can relate to your words. I to have been there. Perhaps not in the exact same place you are in, but simular.

You served God well. But was it what He wanted or what OTHERS said He wants? God wants a relationship not a servant. You can do all the work but in the end all He really wanted from you was you. I'm not saying serving Him isn't good. Because it is. But it's not what HE longs for.

You have a choice to make. You can begin to live your life for Him. Or continue your way which doesn't seem to be getting you very far. I suspect you really don't want to die, you just want to live free from this pain you feel. Understandable. It's what we all (or many of us) really want.

Consider your thoughts. How many are about you and how many are about Him? I was shocked when I spent some time doing this. I found I am a very self focused person. Because most every thought was about how do I feel, what do I want, ect. Very few thoughts were directed toward God. Even doing things for others was sparked from how it made me feel to do things for others. I felt good inside to give! So I gave. It wasn't wrong but it was still self focused. Just using that as an example of how self focused humans are. It is good to give.

Just some things to think about.

You speak about good times and bad times. I've realized this week things come in waves. I can be doing really good, feeling happy, loving life, no thoughts of wanting to die. Then out of the blue like a wave it hits me. I become so sad I'm depressed, anxiety, and the desire to self harm or even die over takes me. With this last bought it felt like a wave coming over me I focused on prayer and Gods goodness and knew it was just a wave and there was smooth waters on the other side. I just had to hold on and ride it out. And it seemed to disappear quicker. Accept that this is just a moment in time and will pass. Good things WILL come again.

I hope you are doing the cccc steps. They will help you begin to build a foundation of love and acceptance that was never set for you. God can reset your foundation and give you something firm to stand on. He is the solid rock which you can stand on. He never left your nor did He forsake you. You just didn't see what He was doing and you weren't quiet where He wanted you to be. But you're getting aligned with Him now and things will come into place. His placement, not yours. Which is better than what you had before.

Believe. It will bring you peace and joy.

God does love you. And so do I. Hang in there. Keep praying. And listen. Because He has lots of good things He wants to tell you.

[momof3]

Hi Blueshine

Sister in Jesus, sometimes we pray for the right things at the wrong times...where He hears us but He is saying not now. Sometimes we pray for things that He doesnt want for us, and His answers are no. And sometimes, we pray for things not knowing that we are puting those things in His place...in other words, we pray for and want something so badly that its all we think about and God wants us to seek His will for us, be content where we are....making Him and His will for our lives, first. He knows our hearts and when we are seeking His will in our lives, we have to be ready and willing for His will to be done in our lives. He knows better than we do what is right for us. Then, when we dont see Him doing the things we want Him to do, we listen to the enemy telling us that God isnt listening, or that He doesnt care. This isnt truth, though.

We also tend to get sidetracked in our thoughts...and focus more on what we want and think we need...and then we are hurt when those things dont come to pass when we think they should. Ive done this more times than I can count. He knows you. He knows every single thought you have. Truth is...your life is not your own. He breathed life into you for His purpose. You are His. He knows you are hurting and has been calling to you..but sometimes, in our pain, we cant hear Him. We are blinded by our own thoughts and pain and shut out His voice.

Remember when Jesus prayed in the bible? He asked for what He wanted and then said to God, not My will, but Yours be done. He did this to honor His Father's will, and also to show us how to pray. He knows your desires...and hears them, sister. This may not be His time to do these things in your life. During the time you are waiting, seek His will for your life. You may be surprised to find that there is peace and fullfillment in His will for you. And happiness. While you are seeking His will for your life, the plan He had for you before you were born, allow Him to show you not only how precious you are to Him, but also do the healing in your life that He wants to do. He is not like your earthly father. He is not distant. He doesnt look down on you and think you are a waste. He created you. His love is unconditional. His love is perfect. He created you, my sister, for His glory. Your dad needed to know the same. He also needed to know His heavenly Father's perfect love in his heart. We are human. None of us love perfectly...and some of us are too broken to love God's way at all.

You have His spirit within you. Do these steps and allow Him to show you His love for you. This life is worth living when you start to focus on Him and His love and His will for you...and I promise you, He created you for a specific reason.

Im praying for you, as so many here are. His perfect will be done in your life. You arent alone, sister in Jesus. Let Him show you.

In Christ's love,
momo