Christianity Oasis Forum
Re: My silent witness
I have to share this story about an incident at work on Friday. The witness that God placed in me that again as I see it was a silent stand for HIM simply because HE lives in me and folks can see. That is all it is. His light shines through for it is nothing that I do, absolutely nothing.
A co-worker left to run some errands for work, she had to go to post office and she left me with the mobile phones we carry to run the store. About a half an hour after she left she called saying her car had stopped on her and wouldn't start and if I'd come and get her. Well I did and I started praying for her as I drove to where she was.
When I arrived, her car would not do a thing but try to turn over and I don't know a thing about cars but it sounded as if it wasn't getting any water in it. Now this coworker knew of all the things that happened to me the week before and she and another coworker told me that God was truly blessing me and my wife with all that happened, she understood fully of the miracles the week before.
Well we popped her hood and I checked her oil and it was fine and after that she cranked her car and it was running just fine. She said what did you do and of course I did nothing except I prayed God will bless her the way he blessed me the week before. That was all I did, nothing more.
Well she left to go back to work and I followed behind her and as I was behind her I was lifting her up to Jesus in prayer. Praying in the spirit, I somewhat speak in tongues, it's hard for me to explain but I know when I start speaking in an unknown language that I have gotten more out of it to know what to pray for in my spirit. It seems this is how I use this for HIM and in my car I was crying out and praying for my co-worker and friend.
She made it back to work and all day she kept saying that I fixed her car by touching it and checking the oil. She said she was very serious that God did something through me but my feelings on that are simply this, I prayed, HE answered but His light was shining through me and it was from the blessings I had received the week before that was a silent witness for HIm.
Just needed to share this tidbit of what happened at work and how God is so good and in this blog he is teaching me to look to HIM in all things, that HE will not forsake me or leave me for HE loves me and yes I see something here. I was attacked and hurt but it's worth the suffering and the pain in being eased for me to realize one thing. It wasn't me who was attacked personally but Jesus who was attacked here and he is standing right beside me easing my hurt and pain and making me strong in HIM. The world may see a weakling but God sees something more in my heart. Love you Jesus.
Psalm 37:
3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
A co-worker left to run some errands for work, she had to go to post office and she left me with the mobile phones we carry to run the store. About a half an hour after she left she called saying her car had stopped on her and wouldn't start and if I'd come and get her. Well I did and I started praying for her as I drove to where she was.
When I arrived, her car would not do a thing but try to turn over and I don't know a thing about cars but it sounded as if it wasn't getting any water in it. Now this coworker knew of all the things that happened to me the week before and she and another coworker told me that God was truly blessing me and my wife with all that happened, she understood fully of the miracles the week before.
Well we popped her hood and I checked her oil and it was fine and after that she cranked her car and it was running just fine. She said what did you do and of course I did nothing except I prayed God will bless her the way he blessed me the week before. That was all I did, nothing more.
Well she left to go back to work and I followed behind her and as I was behind her I was lifting her up to Jesus in prayer. Praying in the spirit, I somewhat speak in tongues, it's hard for me to explain but I know when I start speaking in an unknown language that I have gotten more out of it to know what to pray for in my spirit. It seems this is how I use this for HIM and in my car I was crying out and praying for my co-worker and friend.
She made it back to work and all day she kept saying that I fixed her car by touching it and checking the oil. She said she was very serious that God did something through me but my feelings on that are simply this, I prayed, HE answered but His light was shining through me and it was from the blessings I had received the week before that was a silent witness for HIm.
Just needed to share this tidbit of what happened at work and how God is so good and in this blog he is teaching me to look to HIM in all things, that HE will not forsake me or leave me for HE loves me and yes I see something here. I was attacked and hurt but it's worth the suffering and the pain in being eased for me to realize one thing. It wasn't me who was attacked personally but Jesus who was attacked here and he is standing right beside me easing my hurt and pain and making me strong in HIM. The world may see a weakling but God sees something more in my heart. Love you Jesus.
Psalm 37:
3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
Wow!!!! All I can say is, Thank You Lord, praise You, Lord!
God is so good..in all things. Thank you for sharing this, Gare. What a blessing!
God bless you, bro.
in Jesus,
luv momo
God is so good..in all things. Thank you for sharing this, Gare. What a blessing!
God bless you, bro.
in Jesus,
luv momo
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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momof3 - Posts: 1402
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: My silent witness
Today I have to share what God has done in me and how HE is working in my heart over quite a few things. God moved in my heart to use Facebook as a witness for HIM when he moved me to open a prayer group on there and it has truly been a blessing for me and I see how he has brought those together that he wanted to be in the group and I have made new friends in HIM from this and how he is moving me to be a leader of this group, almost like I am a pastor here over a flock of people who are seeking HIM with their prayer request for themselves and others in their lives. I can't and I won't call myself a preacher or a pastor or a minister cause of what man as I see or as I see in my thinking of what these three words mean to man and that I will not do and what I have learned from the experience with the guy at the nursing home who hurt me and told me and everyone he comes in contact with that he is a minister.
My reasons for saying that are simply this and I draw such from the word of God. He that is given much, much is expected and not only are these words so true that God expects but these words also ring out from man. For when one says I am a minister the eyes of the world look upon you differently and people began to expect more from you. It's the same as if someone walks into a restaurant and lays a Bible on the table with them as they eat. Folks look at you and such is those when one says they are minister, they expect more from you and their eyes look at you in a different light. One truly thinks as I see it that much has been given to you and so I expect more from you and this is where the enemy can and will move in to destroy that witness and why in our churches it is so important to pray for our pastors, preachers and ministers
If God has called them to lead the flock then God expects much and so does the flock so we must pray for their protection, for the wisdom to be given to them and that the enemy in every way that he can be removed and rebuked in the lives our leaders, this is important as we grow in the church, the body of believers.
For me much has been given in my life and much is expected and I pray that I don't fall short of what is expected of me. I try to do what God's word tells me to do and listen to the Holy Spirit as he leads me in what Jesus wants for everything but yet I am still a frail human being and I can do nothing on my own for it all draws down to that Jesus is my strength in everything.
I know God called me to open this prayer group and I clearly heard his voice say "Do this for me" and I did, I opened it and he said to me now "see what happens" and I have seen what has happened. I have seen miracles in prayers being answered and I have seen folks brought into the group who have needed encouragement from him and he has used those he brought to the group to encourage them.
It truly is amazing to me to see HIS hand working online as He is working through the internet. It is this tool that He is using to spread his message. I watched as this group began with only about 130 members and then at one time it grow to 30 shy of 300 and now it's down to about 4 shy of 200. I know but I know this is God's group and I protect this group and He leads me to protect. It's important to me cause it's important to HIM.
This prayer group is only a month old and yet God is moving through the lives in this group and using people whom he has brought into to the group to encourage and lean on one another to draw closer to HIM as He desires and to me it is a ministry that he gave to me to use for HIM and HIM only.
He has lead me to share Scripture, devotions and now I am posting my videos from You Tube to encourage and praise HIM in the group. In a sense he has given me a church here online, a group of believers gathered together who are here to help one another in our journey toward the ultimate prize in HIM.
And yet I give myself no praise for this cause none of this is possible by my hand but by HIS working through me here in this group and through the lives of others. God is so good and I give HIM all the praise and glory.
There is so much from me personally that I have seen and learned about this group here online and how he has weeded out those that he did not want to be a part of the group, how he even has moved me to remove some members for whatever reason and this is He putting wings on my feet to protect what is HIS.
I've gotten emails, text messages and phone calls inquiring about what this Prayer Group was, when it first opened it was an open, a public group but it has now been changed to a closed group and then to protect us even more I changed it to a secret group. Why? well for one prayer is not a witness, the word of God is and prayer makes some people uncomfortable and being public with this made it a foot hold for the devil to play with it and to move in on it but as God moves me I am learning how to keep this group of people safe.
God planted a seed here for folks to see the witness and to share how it became a witness as being an open group, a friend of mine whom I first met on You Tube and then we met up on Facebook who is not a believer but something tells me she is but she just doesn't realize it. Well anyway she saw the note I sent out about changing the group from an open group to a closed group and she commented on it saying that she liked seeing the post from the group cause it was from me and she trusted me, this girl is a wicken, which I don't know what this religion is really but she has been touched by what I did in opening this group, she was touched so much so till she sent me a prayer request to submit to the group of a friend of her's who is battling cancer and then also sent me a praise report that he is improving in his extensive treatment that her friend is going through. So God used this group to plant a seed of which I did nothing but do what I do and not throwing anything out there but being myself and a silent witness I am suppose to be.
I guess God has placed a calling in me once again here with the internet as a tool for him in asking me to open this group and now He is leading me to lead them into praying and serving HIM and for me to be firm in what I do here in giving HIM all the praise and glory for it. That this prayer group is not mine but HIS but do as He wants me to do and to watch over it and protect it with HIM guiding me just as the guy who posted something about it being illegal to witness in some county here in our country but he shared such and put the initials BS in his comment. The Lord spoke to my heart about this and said this guy isn't right for the group here, he was invited in and his spirit here, this comment isn't what I want for this group and yes I deleted the post and I deleted the person without informing him cause as I see it he won't miss not being a part of it for this is what God wanted me to do in this and I stand firm in what I am doing in regard to this group. It isn't mine but HIS. There are others that I have removed and I have some whom I removed that asked to rejoin and do not know why they were a member and was suddenly not and it's ok that they not know why for I am human and I fall short but I know God is working here and putting whom he wants to be in the group.
Not only to bless me but to bless others as we all in this group come together to know more of HIM. I pray for this group to continue to be what God wants it to be and the lives are truly touched and changed in HIS plan and purpose for the individuals who have been drawn to Facebook Prayer Group which is based on Matthew 18:19.
My reasons for saying that are simply this and I draw such from the word of God. He that is given much, much is expected and not only are these words so true that God expects but these words also ring out from man. For when one says I am a minister the eyes of the world look upon you differently and people began to expect more from you. It's the same as if someone walks into a restaurant and lays a Bible on the table with them as they eat. Folks look at you and such is those when one says they are minister, they expect more from you and their eyes look at you in a different light. One truly thinks as I see it that much has been given to you and so I expect more from you and this is where the enemy can and will move in to destroy that witness and why in our churches it is so important to pray for our pastors, preachers and ministers
If God has called them to lead the flock then God expects much and so does the flock so we must pray for their protection, for the wisdom to be given to them and that the enemy in every way that he can be removed and rebuked in the lives our leaders, this is important as we grow in the church, the body of believers.
For me much has been given in my life and much is expected and I pray that I don't fall short of what is expected of me. I try to do what God's word tells me to do and listen to the Holy Spirit as he leads me in what Jesus wants for everything but yet I am still a frail human being and I can do nothing on my own for it all draws down to that Jesus is my strength in everything.
I know God called me to open this prayer group and I clearly heard his voice say "Do this for me" and I did, I opened it and he said to me now "see what happens" and I have seen what has happened. I have seen miracles in prayers being answered and I have seen folks brought into the group who have needed encouragement from him and he has used those he brought to the group to encourage them.
It truly is amazing to me to see HIS hand working online as He is working through the internet. It is this tool that He is using to spread his message. I watched as this group began with only about 130 members and then at one time it grow to 30 shy of 300 and now it's down to about 4 shy of 200. I know but I know this is God's group and I protect this group and He leads me to protect. It's important to me cause it's important to HIM.
This prayer group is only a month old and yet God is moving through the lives in this group and using people whom he has brought into to the group to encourage and lean on one another to draw closer to HIM as He desires and to me it is a ministry that he gave to me to use for HIM and HIM only.
He has lead me to share Scripture, devotions and now I am posting my videos from You Tube to encourage and praise HIM in the group. In a sense he has given me a church here online, a group of believers gathered together who are here to help one another in our journey toward the ultimate prize in HIM.
And yet I give myself no praise for this cause none of this is possible by my hand but by HIS working through me here in this group and through the lives of others. God is so good and I give HIM all the praise and glory.
There is so much from me personally that I have seen and learned about this group here online and how he has weeded out those that he did not want to be a part of the group, how he even has moved me to remove some members for whatever reason and this is He putting wings on my feet to protect what is HIS.
I've gotten emails, text messages and phone calls inquiring about what this Prayer Group was, when it first opened it was an open, a public group but it has now been changed to a closed group and then to protect us even more I changed it to a secret group. Why? well for one prayer is not a witness, the word of God is and prayer makes some people uncomfortable and being public with this made it a foot hold for the devil to play with it and to move in on it but as God moves me I am learning how to keep this group of people safe.
God planted a seed here for folks to see the witness and to share how it became a witness as being an open group, a friend of mine whom I first met on You Tube and then we met up on Facebook who is not a believer but something tells me she is but she just doesn't realize it. Well anyway she saw the note I sent out about changing the group from an open group to a closed group and she commented on it saying that she liked seeing the post from the group cause it was from me and she trusted me, this girl is a wicken, which I don't know what this religion is really but she has been touched by what I did in opening this group, she was touched so much so till she sent me a prayer request to submit to the group of a friend of her's who is battling cancer and then also sent me a praise report that he is improving in his extensive treatment that her friend is going through. So God used this group to plant a seed of which I did nothing but do what I do and not throwing anything out there but being myself and a silent witness I am suppose to be.
I guess God has placed a calling in me once again here with the internet as a tool for him in asking me to open this group and now He is leading me to lead them into praying and serving HIM and for me to be firm in what I do here in giving HIM all the praise and glory for it. That this prayer group is not mine but HIS but do as He wants me to do and to watch over it and protect it with HIM guiding me just as the guy who posted something about it being illegal to witness in some county here in our country but he shared such and put the initials BS in his comment. The Lord spoke to my heart about this and said this guy isn't right for the group here, he was invited in and his spirit here, this comment isn't what I want for this group and yes I deleted the post and I deleted the person without informing him cause as I see it he won't miss not being a part of it for this is what God wanted me to do in this and I stand firm in what I am doing in regard to this group. It isn't mine but HIS. There are others that I have removed and I have some whom I removed that asked to rejoin and do not know why they were a member and was suddenly not and it's ok that they not know why for I am human and I fall short but I know God is working here and putting whom he wants to be in the group.
Not only to bless me but to bless others as we all in this group come together to know more of HIM. I pray for this group to continue to be what God wants it to be and the lives are truly touched and changed in HIS plan and purpose for the individuals who have been drawn to Facebook Prayer Group which is based on Matthew 18:19.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
If I have a testimony at all, if I do and you know I do then this song is it for through my life, the hardships, the trials, the bad times and the good times too, it was Jesus who picked me up and carried me and he carried me to where I am now. I give HIM all the praise and glory for being the awesome God HE is in my life.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
Amen...and thank you for sharing this as well.
I dont know alot about wicken, but, its followers believe in witchcraft. Its called Wicca. Pray for her as you witness to her through the prayer site.
God is faithful, God is good. He will continue to lead you as you surrender your all to Him.
Keep going, brother in Him.
In Jesus,
luv momo
I dont know alot about wicken, but, its followers believe in witchcraft. Its called Wicca. Pray for her as you witness to her through the prayer site.
God is faithful, God is good. He will continue to lead you as you surrender your all to Him.
Keep going, brother in Him.
In Jesus,
luv momo
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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momof3 - Posts: 1402
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: My silent witness
Well I've been up since 5 this morning, I do have to work today and it's Sunday but I am not ever able to attend church due to my job. I'm somewhat distraught this morning, reckon I'm having a hard time understanding.
Maybe the enemy is attacking me in some way but I want what I do to be viewed as something good and not something bad, I pray that folks can see my fruits as I do what comes natural in living my life. My heart hurts at times but it's filled with compassion for others.
There is so much I have learned and I wonder why I am given the knowledge I am given. The things folks share with me out of the blue and why a certain situation won't go away for me and I am constantly reminded of what happened that make it hard to let go and I find that hard to understand or see the peace in this and maybe it's the enemy in this, I do not know but I don't want to go in detail here cause of others reading and commenting here and making me feel uncomfortable in how I feel in this matter.
I've been asking God about this and I wonder why I feel like I am the bad guy or so it appears that I am when all I did was try to do the right thing in HIM. It is HE who I answer to and no one else and why does it still have to hurt so bad. Did I do something wrong, I was attacked from the beginning and no one really cares that that happened.
This is suppose to be a blog so to speak for me type out stuff that on my heart but I am weary of doing that. Guess when I started this I thought hey it's between me and Jesus but I see that it isn't just Jesus who reads but others as well and I'm told that folks are blessed by what I am writing here but some of it is too intimate.
Reckon I truly need healing in my life and I pray the answers, the whys I have will come to me.
Isaiah 42:9 - See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare: before they spring into being I announce them to you.
Maybe the enemy is attacking me in some way but I want what I do to be viewed as something good and not something bad, I pray that folks can see my fruits as I do what comes natural in living my life. My heart hurts at times but it's filled with compassion for others.
There is so much I have learned and I wonder why I am given the knowledge I am given. The things folks share with me out of the blue and why a certain situation won't go away for me and I am constantly reminded of what happened that make it hard to let go and I find that hard to understand or see the peace in this and maybe it's the enemy in this, I do not know but I don't want to go in detail here cause of others reading and commenting here and making me feel uncomfortable in how I feel in this matter.
I've been asking God about this and I wonder why I feel like I am the bad guy or so it appears that I am when all I did was try to do the right thing in HIM. It is HE who I answer to and no one else and why does it still have to hurt so bad. Did I do something wrong, I was attacked from the beginning and no one really cares that that happened.
This is suppose to be a blog so to speak for me type out stuff that on my heart but I am weary of doing that. Guess when I started this I thought hey it's between me and Jesus but I see that it isn't just Jesus who reads but others as well and I'm told that folks are blessed by what I am writing here but some of it is too intimate.
Reckon I truly need healing in my life and I pray the answers, the whys I have will come to me.
Isaiah 42:9 - See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare: before they spring into being I announce them to you.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
My brother in Jesus,
I hope that I have not made you feel uncomfortable in sharing through these posts. It was not my intention.
Im praying for you..that you will find peace in this. God's will be done.
In Jesus,
luv momo
I hope that I have not made you feel uncomfortable in sharing through these posts. It was not my intention.
Im praying for you..that you will find peace in this. God's will be done.
In Jesus,
luv momo
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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momof3 - Posts: 1402
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: My silent witness
You haven't made me uncomfortable, you've been very supportive here. I do have a situation in where I know I need to let go of this but when I'm hit with constant reminders of it then that makes it hard in letting go but I am dealing and don't know if I should or even can go in detail about this here in this blog.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
Pray about it. Im praying for you..as so many others here are. I know how it is when it is just so hard to let go. I was in the same spot not too long ago. And, its up to you to share or not to. There is nothing hidden from the Lord, my brother. I know you know this. Some things are just between you and Jesus. Sometimes its a walk with just you and Him. At least in my case, it was. He will lead you through this, though. He wont bring you to something He wont give you the strength and grace to go through.
In Jesus,
luv momo
In Jesus,
luv momo
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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momof3 - Posts: 1402
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Not Interested
Re: My silent witness
My mom was diagnosed with dementia several years ago and lately although I see a peace in her eyes more than ever, I see this dreadful disease in her so much and it's hard at times dealing with it and trying to live up to what I am to her now. I am basically all she has in this world. Mom had seven children. My older sister passed away in 2003 and my younger brother passed in 2009 right after I moved her in to White Oak Manor.
My sister lives in Indiana and that leaves four of us here in NC. Me and my three brothers here to take care of her but ultimately it is me who does it. I don't really get help from my three brothers although I am the peacekeeper in the family so to speak. I am the youngest and yet it appears I am the one who makes all the decisions when it comes to mom. I visit mom every day and see that her needs are met. My siblings visit at their convenience and visit is all they do, even have one that still takes advantage of her in stealing from her in the nursing home as he did when he lived with her before she moved in.
My story and how mom came into the nursing home is a long process and is a miracle in itself at the hands of God in how everything fell into place to put her where she is. I really feel in my heart that my mom would be in heaven now had God not moved and helped me in getting her in the nursing home. Her life before moving in there was very abusive and I had to fight my family and work hard to get her what she needed to live. I don't feel at this point going into detail about this but it was truly nothing more than a miracle that God did to save her life.
My mom is truly now a little child who doesn't have the ability to cope on her own anymore. She looks to me for everything and expects me to have all the answers for her needs. I am all she talks about when I am not there and when I am there I am all she fusses at. The old saying you can't win for losing well that is how it is with me and her at times. It's hard to make her happy. It's just like yesterday, mom recently got new dentures and she told me they bothered her and so I got an appointment with the dentist to take her to see about getting them adjusted. Afterwards I asked her, since it early in the morning, if she wanted to go shopping and I took it to a store here in town.
Strolling up the aisles mom say a baby doll that is motion sensor-ed. You move your hand across her face and she makes baby sounds and talks. Well she loved it and she wanted it so I got it for her and thought this will make her happy and give her something to enjoy during the day in her room. I am not sure why with dementia and Alzheimer disease that it seems they convert back to being children again but that is how it is with mom.
She loved the doll and played with it and showed it to everyone in the halls at the nursing home when we got back but upon realizing I had to leave she threw it aside and wasn't happy with it anymore. In reality what mom wants is me to be there all the time and I wish I could give that to her but I can't. Mom depends on me for everything.
I guess I am as someone said here to me in this forum. I am all the Jesus that mom sees at this time in her life. Once upon arriving there to see her I said "Mom you are pretty and you know what I see in your eyes and she said to me Jesus and I said how'd you know what I was gonna say and she said cause I see him in your eyes too and I know you."
I do see Jesus in her eyes but I also see the childlike demeanor with her. Dementia is an emotional disease of the mind and she is nothing more than a five year little girl in a ninety year old body. Dementia took away my mom, I can no longer truly talk to her as I once did. Although she is still here physically, mentally she isn't. When life is hard for me and I could always talk to mom well that is gone now. Mom isn't mom anymore. Dementia robbed she and I of that relationship we onced had.
Well this isn't what I came here to post but it appears this is what I had on my mind I guess. I don't know if this is good to write all this about me. Can't see that anyone could get anything from what is going on with me, I am nothing special. I have many problems in this world and at times I have felt cursed with all that I see laying at my feet in the world I live in.
There is alot I don't understand and the whys but in time if it's meant for me to know, God will answer these whys for me.
The problem I had with my friend whom now I see we aren't friends and as I see it will never ever be friends again well. I know someone in this forum said to let of go of that and let God handle it but the hard part is how it isn't gone when I see
him and his family at the nursing home all the time. This is so hard to endure and why I have to constantly hurt over it, I do not understand when I feel I did nothing wrong in this.
But I am suppose to let of go it and let God handle it but I am getting more hurt in the process of letting go and I don't understand why that has to be. Why do I have to have these feelings over this and the constant reminder of what was done and how this fellow who calls himself a fine Christian man would throw the least of these away as I see in his responses to me is what he did.
It'd be nice to write or talk to someone openly about what he did to me and how it hurt real bad but now I can't. I feel hindered in that even here in this forum till I think I may not post much more on this site. I truly am considering to leave this site under the name Gare and come back under another name for I don't think being as intimate as I have here is good for me in the long run. What I have posted here is too private to let the world read here online.
I'm praying that God let me know if continuing here under this name is the right thing to do, I mean I haven't what you say truly made myself at home on the site. I mean it is like a social network site in some regard but the only socializing I do on here is in this forum pouring out my heart which I need to be doing in private with Jesus and Jesus alone.
My sister lives in Indiana and that leaves four of us here in NC. Me and my three brothers here to take care of her but ultimately it is me who does it. I don't really get help from my three brothers although I am the peacekeeper in the family so to speak. I am the youngest and yet it appears I am the one who makes all the decisions when it comes to mom. I visit mom every day and see that her needs are met. My siblings visit at their convenience and visit is all they do, even have one that still takes advantage of her in stealing from her in the nursing home as he did when he lived with her before she moved in.
My story and how mom came into the nursing home is a long process and is a miracle in itself at the hands of God in how everything fell into place to put her where she is. I really feel in my heart that my mom would be in heaven now had God not moved and helped me in getting her in the nursing home. Her life before moving in there was very abusive and I had to fight my family and work hard to get her what she needed to live. I don't feel at this point going into detail about this but it was truly nothing more than a miracle that God did to save her life.
My mom is truly now a little child who doesn't have the ability to cope on her own anymore. She looks to me for everything and expects me to have all the answers for her needs. I am all she talks about when I am not there and when I am there I am all she fusses at. The old saying you can't win for losing well that is how it is with me and her at times. It's hard to make her happy. It's just like yesterday, mom recently got new dentures and she told me they bothered her and so I got an appointment with the dentist to take her to see about getting them adjusted. Afterwards I asked her, since it early in the morning, if she wanted to go shopping and I took it to a store here in town.
Strolling up the aisles mom say a baby doll that is motion sensor-ed. You move your hand across her face and she makes baby sounds and talks. Well she loved it and she wanted it so I got it for her and thought this will make her happy and give her something to enjoy during the day in her room. I am not sure why with dementia and Alzheimer disease that it seems they convert back to being children again but that is how it is with mom.
She loved the doll and played with it and showed it to everyone in the halls at the nursing home when we got back but upon realizing I had to leave she threw it aside and wasn't happy with it anymore. In reality what mom wants is me to be there all the time and I wish I could give that to her but I can't. Mom depends on me for everything.
I guess I am as someone said here to me in this forum. I am all the Jesus that mom sees at this time in her life. Once upon arriving there to see her I said "Mom you are pretty and you know what I see in your eyes and she said to me Jesus and I said how'd you know what I was gonna say and she said cause I see him in your eyes too and I know you."
I do see Jesus in her eyes but I also see the childlike demeanor with her. Dementia is an emotional disease of the mind and she is nothing more than a five year little girl in a ninety year old body. Dementia took away my mom, I can no longer truly talk to her as I once did. Although she is still here physically, mentally she isn't. When life is hard for me and I could always talk to mom well that is gone now. Mom isn't mom anymore. Dementia robbed she and I of that relationship we onced had.
Well this isn't what I came here to post but it appears this is what I had on my mind I guess. I don't know if this is good to write all this about me. Can't see that anyone could get anything from what is going on with me, I am nothing special. I have many problems in this world and at times I have felt cursed with all that I see laying at my feet in the world I live in.
There is alot I don't understand and the whys but in time if it's meant for me to know, God will answer these whys for me.
The problem I had with my friend whom now I see we aren't friends and as I see it will never ever be friends again well. I know someone in this forum said to let of go of that and let God handle it but the hard part is how it isn't gone when I see
him and his family at the nursing home all the time. This is so hard to endure and why I have to constantly hurt over it, I do not understand when I feel I did nothing wrong in this.
But I am suppose to let of go it and let God handle it but I am getting more hurt in the process of letting go and I don't understand why that has to be. Why do I have to have these feelings over this and the constant reminder of what was done and how this fellow who calls himself a fine Christian man would throw the least of these away as I see in his responses to me is what he did.
It'd be nice to write or talk to someone openly about what he did to me and how it hurt real bad but now I can't. I feel hindered in that even here in this forum till I think I may not post much more on this site. I truly am considering to leave this site under the name Gare and come back under another name for I don't think being as intimate as I have here is good for me in the long run. What I have posted here is too private to let the world read here online.
I'm praying that God let me know if continuing here under this name is the right thing to do, I mean I haven't what you say truly made myself at home on the site. I mean it is like a social network site in some regard but the only socializing I do on here is in this forum pouring out my heart which I need to be doing in private with Jesus and Jesus alone.
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Gare - Posts: 49
- Location: USA
- Marital Status: Married
Re: My silent witness
Gare,
My heart goes out to you. I too, took care of my aunt for several years. In the later years, she had demetia. She was overwrought with fear and anxiety. When she wasnt having an anxiety attack, she was child-like. The disease had not progressed to the point where she was comforted with a baby-doll, but, childlike nonetheless. It is a very difficult and sad disease, not only in watching what it does to those we love, but what it does inside of us. Im gonna get very personal here. When my aunt passed..I felt a miriad of emotions. She passed here at home. There was peace, there was fear, there was relief, there was sadness, a number of different emotions that fought against each other.
My aunt really passed from who she had been when the dementia progressed to the point where she couldnt control her fears. The medications the Drs gave did little to help. Praying with her calmed her more than anything..as well as reading the Bible with her. Jesus comforted her, although there was some fear in her that caused her, at times, to question her salvation. In her good years she had been a mighty prayer warrior...there was never a doubt in my mind about her salvation. Im posting this to you so that you will know that you arent alone. You dont have to carry this by yourself.
My brother in Jesus, we dont always understand why God allows things to happen. All I can really say in this is that we live in a broken world. None of us are immune to the diseases, the sicknesses, the ugly things that take away life, or take away life as we know it. We, as Christians are just given the assurance that when these things happen, He will walk with us along the path. None of us are immune to the pain. We are given the comfort and strength of the Holy Spirit.
I believe that Jesus mourns the things that happen to us in this world...but He also sees eternity with our loved ones. I also believe that when our Lord calls your mom home, you will know that you have done everything you could do for her. Your emotions in this are normal. You are human. Im praying the Lord will give you peace and keep leading you to do what He would have you do for and with her. Im praying He gives you strength through this as well. Our time here is so short..and it seems even shorter when we watch the ones we love so much slip away from us. I pray He gives you everything He knows you need at this time, in this place and in the days to come.
In Jesus,
love momo
My heart goes out to you. I too, took care of my aunt for several years. In the later years, she had demetia. She was overwrought with fear and anxiety. When she wasnt having an anxiety attack, she was child-like. The disease had not progressed to the point where she was comforted with a baby-doll, but, childlike nonetheless. It is a very difficult and sad disease, not only in watching what it does to those we love, but what it does inside of us. Im gonna get very personal here. When my aunt passed..I felt a miriad of emotions. She passed here at home. There was peace, there was fear, there was relief, there was sadness, a number of different emotions that fought against each other.
My aunt really passed from who she had been when the dementia progressed to the point where she couldnt control her fears. The medications the Drs gave did little to help. Praying with her calmed her more than anything..as well as reading the Bible with her. Jesus comforted her, although there was some fear in her that caused her, at times, to question her salvation. In her good years she had been a mighty prayer warrior...there was never a doubt in my mind about her salvation. Im posting this to you so that you will know that you arent alone. You dont have to carry this by yourself.
My brother in Jesus, we dont always understand why God allows things to happen. All I can really say in this is that we live in a broken world. None of us are immune to the diseases, the sicknesses, the ugly things that take away life, or take away life as we know it. We, as Christians are just given the assurance that when these things happen, He will walk with us along the path. None of us are immune to the pain. We are given the comfort and strength of the Holy Spirit.
I believe that Jesus mourns the things that happen to us in this world...but He also sees eternity with our loved ones. I also believe that when our Lord calls your mom home, you will know that you have done everything you could do for her. Your emotions in this are normal. You are human. Im praying the Lord will give you peace and keep leading you to do what He would have you do for and with her. Im praying He gives you strength through this as well. Our time here is so short..and it seems even shorter when we watch the ones we love so much slip away from us. I pray He gives you everything He knows you need at this time, in this place and in the days to come.
In Jesus,
love momo
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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momof3 - Posts: 1402
- Location: Texas
- Marital Status: Not Interested
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