Christianity Oasis Forum

[Gare]

I am not so sure I am gonna continue with this study course here, I know it's a good thing but not so sure it's right for me at the moment, if it's meant for me in my walk with God to go this right now when so many other needs are weighing me down at the moment. My wife has cancer, my mom depends on me in the nursing home so much and so needs me, she has dementia, I am behind on all my bills and have been praying for a break through in such and the answer isn't coming and I needed it so by the end of the month. Yes I feel let down but I don't understand and I need more reassurance in my heart right now and this study course isn't speaking to me today as it once was, my heart this morning is full and it's Sunday morning and yeah I should be going to church but my job keeps me away from that so I am unable to go and have to go into work. Have so much on my mind and I pray for peace but peace doesn't always come for me, guess I am back to where I once was and realizing who I am. Guess in a sense I need to let go and let God and maybe that's let go of this study course for now and let God do his handy work for me for I feel so let down this morning and don't understand why my heart is grieving as it is.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Gare

God bless you this day.

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now, so if you do not feel like you can put your all into the 14 Day Study, perhaps you would benefit from reading 1 or 2 of the shorter Studies each day. There is a large library of studies on this site: all Holy Spirit inspired -- all of which lean heavily on The Word of God.

Here is the link to the list of shorter studies: http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... tudies.htm

As you know, The Word of God is nourishment to your soul, so eat up, my friend. The Lord loves you and your family so very much.

Prayers are rising for you and your family. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[Gare]

I want to thank everyone in this online Christian community who has prayed and reached out to me in some way here and it has been a blessing to me and as I was half way through this 14 day study, I truly thought of giving up but I am somewhat continuing on, there is alot weighing me down but God is good and he is guiding me and watching over me even as I get discouraged.

I've realized that HE wants me to keep a journal here, not for any of you to read, not for HIM to read for HE knows my heart already and I feel that maybe this is just a beginning step for me here, I am not real sure at the moment but this journal is for me, for healing for there has been so much on my mind and heart lately and so much that I do not understand and there has been so much fear placed upon my heart that scares me and I wonder exactly why and maybe it's just fate. I don't know but I am so tired of hurting and suffering all the time and maybe I brought all this about.

I do love the LORD, I do but I know in the past my actions haven't shown such, even my words don't show that but in my spirit I am seeking good in all I do and I've seen God work but there are times that it has truly thrown me off and I do not understand. Lately my heart has been heavy for my friend who hurt me so bad, it's like I can't move forward on the situation that happened with he and I cause so much hurt came out of it and maybe I can't bring myself to forgive him and yet I am afraid to approach him and ask his forgiveness and yet it is so hard when he is at the nursing home every day when I go to see mom and it's so hard to avoid him.

Well it's not that I avoid him, I see him, he doesn't speak to me anymore, he told me to leave he and his loved ones alone, to pretend that he doesn't exist but he does exist as I see it and yes he hurt me but I wonder if I hurt him, I asked forgiveness and he sent me an email saying he forgave me but the matter in which he did such brought nothing but confusion and made me feel as if he was judging me again. He said that I was wasting his time and God's time and that God only fools with a person so long till he gives them over to reprobate mind, it was like he wanted to hurt me more and his actions at the nursing home as I am seeing it is he delights in making me suffer. I see very little compassion except to others and none to me and yet he knew my heart when he met me.

I guess somehow I gotta figure out how to forgive him, somehow I gotta let go and let God but it is so painful to see him there at the nursing home I know what he says and what he so call teaches is not what the Bible says, everything about him is so unorthodox and yet he told me God works with unorthodox people to bring about HIS purpose but my spirit doesn't buy that anymore. Sure we are all sinners but why did God bring this guy into my life to only let it be like it is now and I am the one hurting so bad because of it and yet I see this guy doesn't care at all.

The truth is my friendship with him meant nothing, it really didn't and he never wanted to help me and I have to deal with that and I guess I could move on but it appears to me that in my heart I have a big burden upon me that I just can't forget him and I can't understand why. Did God bring us together not for me but for him. Did God want me to tell him he is on the wrong path and God wanted me to take that stand and if so I have done such for he knows that I do not believe as he does, that I do not believe in a god who allows someone to call themselves a minister that goes around smoking pot, cussing and talking about sex and lusting after women as he does in public and that I do not believe in a god who doesn't condone going to church or tithing who thinks that he is so close to God and no one else is, that God gives him what he wants and he is never wrong when it comes to God and that God directs everything he does and one who thinks he can heal others by laying his hand on them and praying and yet his life shows that he isn't qualified nor by the Bible's standards is he qualified to do such.

I just pray that God will heal this, it seems to me there is always something burdening me somehow in this world, if it's not this problem it's another. I mean my heart has been heavy for my friend so much so till I can't get him off my mind and I call him my friend but he doesn't call me that no more and yet his actions to me aren't very Christlike and in reality I don't want to be friends with him ever again, I know it's not meant to be but it would be nice if he would approach me and let me tell him face to face in humble manner how I feel about him and that he would listen and be receptive and care enough to why I have been enlightened about what he calls ministry isn't ministry at all as I see it. There he isn't radiate God's love and isn't that what we are suppose to do, encourage one another and not bring em down.

I seem to just always have one burden after another. My wife and I are trying to sell some land and we are down to the final stages of such but there is a big obstacle in the way at the moment to get the deed signed. She owns the property jointly with her family and she is selling her portion of such and we have a buyer and have gone through all the stages of such but now we need her sisters and their husbands to sign the deed so that we can get the money we need to pay the nursing home which is three months behind due and catch up on our mortage which is many months over due and could come down to foreclosure very soon if something isn't done soon and to pay all our medical bills from me having lots of dental work and her with her cancer bills, she has melanoma in her left eye and we have been traveling here from NC to Philadelphia, PA for treatment every four months which is a big financial strain on us when she has not been able to get paid when we make these trips and my hours have been cut for such.

So you see I am always burdened by something and then there is my mom, who is in a nursing home and is like a 5 year old kid who depends on me for everything. It appears that I am her lifeline in this world and it scares me that I am to the one to protect her and I have never had kids and here am I am being a parent to my parent and yet she strives on every word I say and everything I do and now although at times she can be mean it's only because she has developed this close bond with me and she needs me and yet I am burdened down that I can never do enough for her.

Then it comes to me this and I know this way of thinking goes against what God says in his word but at times I feel cursed for all I have ever seen in this world is negativity lately. All this that has gone on is nothing but bad and the bad just radiates, from my friend hurting me, til my mom being so sick, til my wife having cancer, till being so far behind on all our bills I can't get my head above water.

Do I blame God, well yes I have in the past but I know bad happens to us all but with me, it seems there sure is a lot of bad going round. I guess I need peace. My heart is heavy but it usually always is with something. It's been along time since I have truly had the feeling of being what you say happy.

I've spent my entire life seeing out for others and never ever saw out for me. If I try to do something for me that's when things go wrong and I guess I am destined to never be happy I guess cause with all this I don't see the happiness in any of these circumstances. So maybe this Bible study course isn't working for me, I don't know.

I am just a very complicated kind of guy.

[Gare]

God is good and he brings peace that only he can bring and he's bringing about peace, he knows me like no other and I love him for his everlasting truth that he has brought to me. I had a very good friend at work talk to me about my friend and the things I had told her that he shared with me and the last thing he said to me in his email he sent saying he forgave me but in the same sentence said that I was wasting God's time and that God only deals with men so long till he turns them over to a reprobate mind and that God will forgive me as he forgives us all. That was his last words proving to me one thing here, this guy doesn't know the God I know. If I was wasting God's time then you what kind of god do I worship, this isn't of God, this spirit that this guy has, he truly believes that it is of God but nothing he says makes sense or order with what the Bible says who God is and to me, yes I have had a burden for him and I pray that he finds the way. I pray that I can be that witness to him in some way to help him see that what he knows isn't biblical at all. He seems to never be what you say grounded in the word and yet he proclaims to all that he is a minister, that he was called to minister in this world by God several years ago when he was almost killed in a car wreck.

I pray for my friend and yes I still call him my friend, there is a pull to him for some reason and God knows what that reason is. Jesus help me to be the witness to my friend as I see him that you want me to be.

[Gare]

I don't have much time to post anything and I have been very busy lately with lots of things going on with my job and trying to see mom and take care of things at home as best I can but I want to praise God for who he is. He is the God of truth and yes the truth does set you free.

I thank HIM for answered prayer and I will update later as to the prayers that he has answered but I can't say enough to how good HE is inspite of all my shortcomings, my sins, he still loves me and isn't that awesome.

God is good all the time.

All things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to HIs purpose. Romans 8:28

[Gare]

In my heart I do not feel that I should continue at this time with the study course here, that maybe this time isn't right. God has used it greatly but much of what I've read I truly already know and it took me coming here that God has opened eyes to Who I am in him. Just a vapor in the wind and yet....he still hears and loves me inspite of it all. He will never throw me away and I owe all to him.

I have shared some very intimate things here from my heart and God is dealing with me about doing this sort of thing and opening up here online, It's been good but soon I will be deleting my blog here and closing my account and reopen it with a different name inorder to go through this study when the time is right. No this wasn't by accident but I have received from this course what God wants me to receive at this time.

God is so good and I owe all to him. Love ya Jesus.

[Dora]

Gare Do as you feel led.

I've done the program a few times. It is often like a refresher to remind me of what I know but forgot to put into practice.

I've shared a lot here as well. Often I wish I could hide it again. But that's not His plan. Others will read of your walk with the Lord, your struggles, and victories and grow from it.

You'll do fine. Just keep your eyes on Him. He loves ya!!! And so do I.

[Gare]

You know the first response I got on here in this blog the individual said that God doesn't do anything by accident and that is so true, He had a plan in me coming to this website and he is using for His purpose what I have written. I really wanted to delete all that I had written here but upon trying to do so I see that one can't since all my post I have and other's have responded to em and you know that's a good thing. It's given God the praise and glory for what he has done in my life through this.

I use this site so much with the bible studies that are here, it truly helps me in so many ways and I am gonna use this forum here. I wish I could change the title to my silent witness cause what amazes me in my life is how when I wasn't where I should have been in my walk with God, with Jesus, he was there and he has always been there, it's not what I have done but what he has done.

I have been working on this weekend a new song that I said I was gonna give a try and I have done such. Who Am I will be my next video on You Tube and I will be performing again next week for a 9-11 mini concert for the residents at White Oak Manor nursing home. You know my life isn't about me but about HIM. I am nothing but vapor in the wind compared to who and what HE is and you know he knows me, my heart and he knows how to work everything out for me.

God is good all the time....isn't he awesome.

[Dora]

Amen Brother Gare. Others see the difference God has made in you and will be blessed. Those who struggle the same as you were will find the path to healing.

God bless.

[Gare]

Today I feel like pouring my heart here and just typing out a prayer to God.

Dear God in heaven, my Lord and my Savior,

I come to you God and ask your guidance today. My heart is heavy with so much going on. My job is secure and I thank you the job that you gave me. There is a conflict there Lord and you know what it is and I pray Lord that my actions do not show actions of hate but as much as I can I pray that I can show a witness for you in the silent way you have always had with me. I know Lord that if you live in one's heart that the actions of one come out in their life and I know you live in me and I pray Lord that you guide me to show that without having to be bold and force anything on anyone that in your timing you will bring those to me that you want me to meet. I pray Lord that this incident that happened on Monday at work that you will heal this and make this problem right. It burdens me and I know what should happen and what should be done but God I pray that what you want me done, not what the store wants, not what I want or the guy who threaten me wants but what you want.

Lord God I want to thank you for what you have done in me, you've done a good work here and gave me peace that i truly can't explain. You know my heart, my mind and who I am I better than I know me, I mean you created me and it shows and radiates how much you love me and yet I don't deserve that kind of love not me, not the way I have done toward you and how I see I have hurt you and grieved your spirit by my actions. I pray for your forgiveness Lord.

I appreciate your Truth Lord and how you pull the wool off of my eyes and reveal so much to me. I thank you for the internet Lord and for this website and other websites where me being the pc geek that I am can sit here and research and study your word and have what you want me to have to grow and be more of you. I thank you for that and revealing truth Lord and preparing me the future that you have for me.

I thank you for the Facebook prayer group that you put on my heart to start, it is truly a blessing to me and it's made a social network site more than just a place to play games but it's put purpose in it. Thank you for the devotions you are guiding me to share and I especially thank you for leading me to post the document about having more than we can bear. We grew up Lord believing in something all our lives and hearing something all our lives but in your word, your Scripture we find truth and I thank you for that.

God I thank you Lord for those in the prayer group and I pray you guide me in seeing who you want to be a part of this prayer group, I pray that you show who you want there and guide me in knowing whether they should be removed or not. Help me in the discernment in my heart to know those that are truly what you want us to be, an interactive prayer group.
Bring those in you want and weed out those you don't want or see aren't called to do this but maybe have another purpose and plan in your great work.

Thank you Lord. I ask now God for a breakthrough in my finances and you know what my wife and I have been working on since we found out she had melanoma in her left eye and you've done a mighty work in her recovery and we praise you for that but Lord I pray that you work and very soon, you see the urgency of this that we get all of my wife's family's signature on the document so that we can proceed in the sell of the land she owns. I pray Lord that you put an urgency in the minds and hearts of those that need to sign the deed so we can put this behind us and move forward here.

Lord you know what Helen and I have been through and Lord I know your promise and I pray Lord you guide she and I in this to serve you as best we can in spite of our weaknesses which are many Lord. To look at me I am nothing but a failure but with you and in you I am more but that is only with you, it's nothing that I do or say, it all comes from you.

Lord I pray especially for Mama, I thank you for the sweet spirit she has inspite of her frustrations. I ask you ease her mind and open it up to listen to you as you use me to give her peace and comfort. The bond that she and I have is so close and I thank you Lord. I know and see what you are doing here and although I didn't ask for this role but thank you for giving me the courage to accept it and be what my mom needs in her life.

I pray Lord that you keep her safe, help her to take her meds and keep all the bad that so exist out there away from her. Put a hedge of protection around her, around her room and let nothing but peace radiate around her. I pray Lord that you make her happy in all that she does and that she be at peace the remainder of days that she has on this earth. I pray that any anxiety, any fear, any lonliness that you go through be gone and removed and she has a peace on her to know that you are there for her in all that she does.

Help me as I share the video I made with her and get her to truly hear the words to the song and let it speak to her heart and spirit to give her peace. I thank you Lord for me always being able to sing to my mom and encourage her with my music. I think of time she was in the hospital and wouldn't eat and I sang to her You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You and God how I saw my mom eat alittle after that. Thank you for that time Lord and thank you for all the times in the past the times yet to come.

Well Lord I love you and I guess I just needed to type out my heart here some but now I must close to get ready to go to work. Thank you for who you are in my life and I know Lord although I may have stopped typing here, my prayer with you sometimes is all day long just knowing that you are just a whisper away is a peace that I take with me all the time.

Love ya Jesus and in your holy name I pray.
Amen
....
from Gare

[Dora]

Praying with you brother Gare for Gods will in all these things.

Where two or more are gathered.

[Gare]

Several days have pasted and I haven't posted anything here but have been busy with something that is so excited that God is doing. With all this that's been going on with me, the trouble with my friend, God placed on my heart to start a Prayer Group online using Facebook and it is growing, which is encouraging as I see it growing but I see the numbers increase and decrease as I truly am letting God weed out those not called to the group. He put the burden on my heart to do this and to bring many in to prayer, those that are sincere are those he wants.

I know numbers are important or we wouldn't have a book in the Bible entitled Numbers. The group started with 130 then dropped to 114 then up to 170 then 200 then 220 and now back to 202. Seems God is working here in the hearts of those that he wants there and those that are sincere about this. I give this group to HIM, it's not mine, I was just the one who he whispered to and said do this for me.

God has put the burden on my heart to do so much in the group cause this may be the only church some have, the only fellowship with other believers some might have. I started posting documents in the group from devotions I have here at home. Getting up early and typing em out long hand here, no coping and pasting as we do with a pc but typing this out which is good cause it makes a devotion for me as well and letting it go from there.

I get so wound up in the group it's hard to leave to go to work or to even go to bed at times reading the prayer request that are posted. There are alot of hurting people and God is reaching em using the social network site...Facebook of all places. Ain't God grand.