Christianity Oasis Forum

[deafeningsilence]

I'm not sure why but the step today literally sent me into a fit of anger... Why? I have no idea. I really have had an awkward day. Ran into my 'dad' and then my sponsor went through step two of the AA program with me... I already know there is a higher power that can restore me to sanity... I choose to call him God... but at the same time I'm trying to figure it all out you know. She thinks I'm procrastinating the inevitable... I call it get off my back so I can think...

Forgiveness? Hard topic for me. Guess that's what has me in the mood I'm in. For years and years I've been told I needed to forgive my 'parents' and let them back in my life. Supposedly they've changed. I"m also not stupid. I've talked to my 'mother' before time and time again and she's always snorting crack... she's an addict... she isn't going to change until she needs help... I don't know how I am suppose to keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving.

Forgive myself? Ha... I could forgive my 'parents' before I could forgive me for being an idiot. I seriously have to get out of this bad mood soon or I'll be hitting the bottle once again. I know it may sound wierd... but that is the last thing I want to do but at the same time its the only thing dragging my mind around you know. I DONT want to drink... but right now it just seems like I need too... I don't know how much longer I can stay sober, try to heal, and just be okay...

[deafeningsilence]

So... I went into the chatroom after typing that... and I have to say... Now I'm totally confused . I mean what everyone says about god makes sense. I know the bible so throwing bible verses at me everytime I ask a question doesn't really help. Sometimes I just feel like I need someone to talk too... you know. So what I've heard... god loves everyone... god sent his son to die for everyone... sin=death.... I get all that you know... I just can't seem to get my mind out of the way... its like i have this mental block that says just wait until you have everything figured out.

More and more I realize i really do want to know god... i really do want to serve god... i really do want to believe in him and fully trust in him... but im scared to death. Scared I could be making a mistake. Scared that i've lost my mind for turning to religion instead of just going to a psychologist... since im majoring in psychology that would have been the most logical choice but no.... i come to a random christian site... not so random anymore... i have to say i sort of like it here...

coming here gives me a reason not to drink at night u know... maybe if i slept too i would feel better I just... i want my life to change... im tired of being miserable and angry... i want other emotions other than just anger. i want to truly be happy and at peace with life and god. i want to be able to say yeah i forgive certain ppl in my life and myself... i just cant figure out whats exactly holding me back.

[Dora]

Oh yes the anger! I was there too once and sometimes I still to get angry at something said in these programs. Is it cause they are wrong? No! It's cause they are right. Right on to something with in me that needs to be removed. And the same with you dear one. Forgiveness is very important to our spiritual lives. Sometimes it takes time to forgive a huge offense. Don't give up on it. Just keep seeking Him on this topic. After all if you are willing to talk to Him about forgiving someone, I am certain He is not only willing to listen, but available to help you.

I understand the throwing verses at you thing. Frustrating. You've not done anything wrong and neither have they. Try to be patient with us and with yourself as we are all growing in Christ and learning more and more every day. He won't leave not one of us where we are. Cause He is faithful.

God loves you and so do I.

Btw....I think you are doing beautifully. God is shaping you into the wonderful woman He created you to be. Cause He is cool like that. Don't give up. Keep sharing. Keep doing the steps. Make a mental note of what angers you cause that is the big weeds that need work. The things your mind wants to skip over and the things that trigger unwanted memories too. I did the steps four times before I grew enough and healed enough that I could look at everything the study brought to the forefront. Sometimes we just need extra time With the Father while He works out the unwanted stuff. It's painful but it's good and in the end you'll walk lighter and smile more and the addictions will have less a grip on you.

[sbennett]

I understand about being angry. I was angry at God for messing with my life and letting things happen when I thought I did not deserve them. Id always done good things, prayed, read my bible, gone to church. It was hard. I got very negative and just forgot about God for a while. Well...that did NOT work. Made everything worse and the hurt and the struggle to come back was hard. BUT!! I am very much a happy person now. I pray you find that same happiness and some peace. Also remember.... satan is the enemy and he will fill your mind with lots of negative and defeating thoughts. They are lies so dont believe them.

Im praying for you each day.

[sovern1982]

well young lady, its been my experience that there isnt anything to figure out...not in the bible or the big book...i know you hate cliches probably as much as i do....but read the book(s) and just do what it says....AND DONT DRINK! i spent 7 years battling an addiction to meth and alcohol...at 25 everyone had written me off...i was a lost cause...then i gave myself to the 12 steps of aa...and i stayed "sober" for almost four years...but i never gave myself to god...im not telling you that aa is bad...but i never once in four years heard the word of god in an aa meeting, which is why i believe i drank again and my interpersonal relationships never improved...what i can tell you is that i have learned more about myself and god in the last 5 days than i did in 4 years of being "dry"

[sovern1982]

and to address the anger thing....i hated god for many years...i blamed him for every rotten thing that happened to me and all the injustices i saw around me in the world...i mean after all what loving god would allow his creations to behave like we do? i dont have the problem of knowing the bible, because literally i forgot almost everything i was taught as a child and teenager about god...so this is all new and exciting to me...ive been where you are and i wish there was something i could do to help because i know the place ur in is lonely and so so dark...i dont even know u but im praying for u to find some peace within yourself....

[Ingegrity]

Hello,

You are complete in Christ. He made you complete the day you believed in HIM. The enemy nags us of sin and the Holy Spirit reminds us that we are righteous in Christ He covers us He made the way for us...He wants us to rest in his whole acceptance in us and His never ending love for us.

We do not have to work for his forgiveness He paid the price and did all the work. We do not have to be perfect- he was was the perfect sacrifice b/c we never could do it. He accepts us, he has forgiven everything, past present and future. There is nothing we can do to earn or make it better on our BEST day...He did it for us...and He sat down at the right hand of God and said it is finished. I am so thankful!

That's true Freedom. I am glad I finally discovered it...... (the enemy likes to keep this freedom from us)

I would like to be your friend.

Ing