Christianity Oasis Forum

[HandyCaptainron]

I've been confused..... It all started when in 2009 I met this woman, The problem was.... I was married, and with a young child. I was very unhappy in my marraige, Met this woman at work and started an affair, She made me feel so special, that I fell in love with her. Over time things got bad..... we broke up a few months ago, I went thru a divorce, bankruptcy and ruined my life that I had, I became a christian and baptised in 2010 and started to live a christian lifestyle, I didn't live this woman, because I wanted to have a proper relationship.... Problem was, she would get angry at me, and text me instead of talking over issues, and I would retaliate.... sometimes in a very unkind way..... I think I became abusive, I would constantly repent, and we would make up.... but then again.......

Right now, I am not sure where I stand, she broke up with me because of one thing then said it was another.... I'm sitting here wondering if it was really all my fault and I Just wanted to fix it.... sometimes with horrible results.

I feel like a monster, I know god forgives.... But now i have this person hating me, and i didn't want that..... I think part of the problem was that we had poor communication, I tried to get her to talk to me, but she wouldn't, and I think I got wierd because of all the stress i was under...... So, you see, I may have been abusive verbally, and thats what bothers me, I'm not like that at all........ I realise also I blamed her for a lot of stuff....Now, she thinks I'm a freak.... a loser, tells me to get a job, even though I own a business, tell me I have a problem, I keep denying it... but then I wonder.... Do I have a problem Hidden deep down? maybe i do.

This is why I'm so confused.... I don't know what is right or Wrong anymore......have concerns about dating again, wondering if I am a freak..... I used to never feel this way when I was married to Christine, i just felt ignored and unwanted.
It's been hard, battling back from all that i went thru, my family shunning me, my dad telling me that he never wants anything to do with me again... my relationship to him is slowly healing, but I have had a ton of negativity aimed in my direction, part of my problem i think was that I was not assertive,.... even though I wanted to be with the other woman, I couldnt completely just marry her right off the bat like she wanted.... I was trying to take time and heal all the relationships, and things got worse....

So, I am alone, I lost my Family, my life that I had before I met this woman, I gave it all up to be with her... and now I don't have that either, I do have my little girl from joint custody..... and I am thankful to God for what i do have because I have spent some time Homeless because of all this.

I have dealt with a lot of guilty feelings too.........

[Dora]

Hello Ron

Welcome to Oasis.

You mentioned you may have a problem. You are right you do. We all do. We all have a lot of problems! We are broken people being raised in a broken world. BUT we have hope. We have a loving God who enjoys working with us to replace what has been broken and put our souls, hearts, and lives back together again.

May God bless and keep you!

[HandyCaptainron]

Thank you,

I have been looking over "the weeds" I know in my heart I have not been a good man, But I believe I am a decent person....I never intentionally set out to harm anyone...I think shear Fustration, anger, resentment, got in ther way of my Thinking and I became somewhat out of line..... I have worked constantly to have a Christlike mind, I know It will take a little time to Get myself right again, I know that the Lord has forgiven me.... and I put myself on the right path again. I need to accept that what has happened, happened....and that I can't do anything about it now, I can only put myself in Gods hands and let him be his will with me, whatever that may be....

I can't take the Hate out of former girlfriends heart for me, I can't do anything about whatever they are feeling.... I can only be at peace with them. I am Thankful that my ex wife and I have a friendly relationship, she has forgiven me for what I have done, but she can't trust me.... I don't blame her.

[sbennett]

I am so glad you are here and that you are doing the 14 step CCCC program. It is very good and will show you how you got to the point where you are and how to get to where you need to be. I have done the program for about the same reason you have. I was very unhappy in my marriage and got involved with another person. I got so depressed over the situation I was in and I was just sooooooo sad. I turned my back on what I wanted....which was a lie that satan was feeding me....and started praying for my marriage. It really has helped but I had to focus on what GOD wanted in my life...and not how other people were making me feel. Its not been easy at all...but God is with me now and I feel very strong. My marriage is much better too.
I will be praying for you ..that you get closer to God and let HIM lead you where you need to be. What an awesome Daddy you will be to that little girl as you become a Godly man!

[Dora]

I am Thankful that my ex wife and I have a friendly relationship, she has forgiven me for what I have done, but she can't trust me.... I don't blame her.

That made me smile!!

So thankful that she has forgiven.

[mlg]

Hello Ron,

Welcome to Chrisitianity Oasis and the counseling path. Ron, I noticed that you stated you are now alone...oh how I want you to know that is not true...that is a lie the enemy of your soul is telling you...see you have a friend right there beside you...His name is Jesus. He wants to become your best friend. He wants to be the one you turn to when times are hard, when you are feeling sad and alone, or even on the days when everything is going great.

You are on the path to finding just exactly what God can do. There is healing in God's hands, and He wants to hand it to you...but first you must trust Him and accept that His way may lead you in directions that you have never walked before.

You have a lot of things in the "past" that I see have caused you and others a lot of pain. I think once you can forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself and others, you will begin to see the healing that you are seeking.

My prayers are with you.

Take care and God Bless

[HandyCaptainron]

Thank you,

You are correct.... I know jesus is with me always..... and I do have to remember that my Little girl still loves me very much, I have her several days a week and Just to see her smiling and hugging me, calling me daddy, reminds me that I haven't lost everything... I also still have my Church friends and Pastor who have supported me thru these times as well, and people I've known for years glad to see that I'm making a comeback....I try to shake that guilt and lonelyness, it's getting better everyday.... I'm not falling apart like I used to, I'm accepting it....

[mlg]

But here is the key you don't have to accept it...you can change your life to become a soul full of the Lord's grace and sharing that same grace with others. Of course your healing must come first...but just know that God has a plan for your life and it's so much more beautiful than you can see at this time. Keep trusting Him...and He won't steer you wrong.

Take care