My Journal...My Journey....My Body...His Temple

[Daisy50]

Got up early this morning....Was hungry, really hungry for the first time in awhile.

I never realized how much a tragedy plays a part in how we act, in all areas of our lives. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my "Lucky" was put to sleep, and even though I thought I "had it all together", this past week was veryyy hard on me. Every time I turned around I was crying and saying "I wish I could have one more day" with that lil' critter.

....Eating was the LAST thing on my mind. I found myself sleeping alot...and feeling sluggish, and emotional, and, and, and....negative thoughts creeping in my mind...that "mad at the world" syndrome.

I think the tears over his loss are going to be coming for awhile, until I'm truly able to let him go, but boy I miss his bark(never dreamed I'd ever admit to that!)...the way he would greet me at the door with tail wagging when I'd come home from grocery shopping..."Lucky"/"Sir Barks-A-Lot" was a special dog in EVERY sense of the word.

Lately, "Chubby", our Maltese has been sleeping right up next to me at night, just like "Lucky" used to. I know he feels the sadness in me...I think this is his way of showing me that "it's going to be okay, mom".

The Lord has been poking at me to get back to eating again. This morning, 5a.m. He had me in the kitchen making breakfast(which I ate every bit of too). Thank You Lord \0/

Breakfast: 1/2 bottle water, 3 oz. peach slices, 2 hard-boiled eggs(whites only), 2 cups of oatmeal w/brown sugar. I AM STUFFED! But I do feel better already.

Daisy

[stillstanding]

love you, sis

[Daisy50]

Love u too sistah' sorta

Breakfast was early this morning...1 bowl of corn chex cereal with soy milk. 1 small glass of cran-grape juice.

Going on week 2 of not sleeping at night. I am so tired...(mind is working overtime, even though I am trying not to allow it to).

Waiting for my doc's office to open(another 20 minutes or so). Have to make an appointment. Found some new 'breakouts' on my legs last night. Other places are healing on my arms, but leaving a scar. Looks like I've been burned. Hate it! Just want answers.....

Researched the internet and found 4 different "possibilities" of what this breaking out is/caused from....The last Google search led me to believe that it might be skin cancer. I am praying it isn't.

Trying to stay focused on what I need to...not getting myself overwhelmed, keeping myself quiet...just going thru the "normalcy" of my daily life....until the doc can give me an answer.

Will update as soon as I know. Requesting prayers for healing and for scars to go away. Thank You Lord. \0/ I will continue to praise You in this storm, regardless of the outcome.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Didn't post the rest of yesterdays "meals"....so here goes...
Dinner: 2 breaded chicken patties, 3 oz. spinach, 3 oz. whole kernel corn. 1 bottle of water.

Since eating again, I've been feeling energetic. Been doing my housework mostly in the early evenings since it has been a lil' warm out during the day(I don't have the a/c units in the windows yet). Yesterday I mopped all the floors, did a few loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen(still have some "stuff" left to do there), and gave my doggies their latest "dose" of flea meds.

Got into bed around 12:30 this morning, read 4 chapters in my Bible(I'm now in Deuteronomy, and reading also in Psalm and 1st Corinthians). After that, I prayed and then started reading in another book I have(I'm a prolific reader, usually having no less than 3 books "going" at the same time). Read until 3:30 this morning. Fell fast asleep listening to classical music on our local pbs radio station.

Woke up at 8 this morning. The air feels "thick", even tho' there is a hint of a breeze. Finished up last night's laundry(had 2 blankets that needed drying). Windows are open, the sky looks hazy...no bright sunshine, but no rain-so that's a plus!

Breakfast: 1 small glass of cran-grape juice, 3 oz. grapefruit wedges and a bowl of corn chex cereal with soy milk.
Mid-morning snack: 1 blackberry/pomegranate yogurt.
Lunch: Egg salad, 1 bottle water.
Afternoon snack: blueberry yogurt, 1 bottle water.
Dinner: Tuna fish on whole-wheat toast, green beans, 1 bottle water.
Early-evening snack: strawberry yogurt, 1 bottle water.

I'm finding it easy again to plan out my meals ahead of time...it keeps me from cheating, and also keeps me from not eating.

During the time when we had "Lucky" put to sleep, I lost a big desire to eat, which resulted in me not losing any weight and feeling really "sluggish" and wanting to sleep all the time(when I wasn't sobbing my eyes out).

I've been getting my appetite back these past few days. Thank You Lord! And thanks to those who've been praying for me. I love ya's!

P.S.....WOW, I spoke too soon....SUN is now out, the breeze has picked up. Thank You Lord for this BEAUTIFUL DAY!!

God Bless you all this day and EVERY day xoxo
Daisy

[Daisy50]

Revamping my last post......I didn't eat the tuna on whole wheat toast for dinner.

From the beginning of doing this program I was "told" that bread of any type was not allowed, and yet lately I've been making sandwiches. So, tonight I opted instead of tuna, for turkey burgers with sauteed onions. 2 bottles of water and some grapefruit for desert. I am stuffed, but I feel good...and not weighed down.

So now I am going back strictly to what i am truly supposed to be eating, and not going to "fudge"(for lack of a better word), and eat "whatever"....Eating "whatever" was what got me obese in the first place.

Thank You Lord for opening my eyes and letting this play on my heart, pointing out what I have been doing is wrong. Lead me Lord down the path YOU chose for me-reign me in however YOU need to, to help me finally be able to submit myself totally and whole-heartedly to YOUR plans for me.

Amen

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Wednesday night...9:47p.m....

Today was "one of those days". Every noise I heard irritated me. I just wanted to stay in bed and forget about the day altogether.

Hubby's past "actions" have caught up with him, in a manner of speaking, which puts me in the middle of the mess and I do NOT like it one bit. I was fuming about the house-another one of those "mad at the world" days.

Earlier this evening I had to go to the post office and drop off some mail for the morning run.....still in "a mood". I dropped the mail in the slot, pulled away from the box to go around the corner and get back onto the main road back to our house, when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, I saw 4 lil' rabbits! I stopped my car, rolled down the window and sat there for a good 10 minutes. I told them "you guys need to get home before someone runs over you." They of course looked at me as if I was crazy. LOL

Driving away, eventually...I pulled up to the stop sign, and I said "Lord, Thank You for letting me see those bunnies. I needed to see something to calm my spirit, I've been so angry all day. Thank You again for giving me a calming effect with those bunnies, and forgive me for the nasty words that have come out of my mouth today-I am really sorry".

I drove home with a smile on my face. \0/ And......both my doggies greeted me at the back door when I came in(the first time they've done that since "Lucky" has been gone). It made me smile even more so-I felt needed and loved. I have missed them waiting at the door for me....Thank You Lord

Breakfast: bowl of cereal without milk and a small glass of cran-grape juice. 1 bottle of water.
Lunch: a few slices of ham with cheese rolled up in them. 1 bottle of water.
Dinner: 2 breaded chicken patties, 3 oz. cooked spinach, 3 oz. whole kernel corn, 1/2 bottle of water.

As much as my stomach is grumbling at the moment, it is going on 10p.m. and I do not want to eat this late. I will continue to sit here and finish off the last of the bottle of water from dinner 'til finished, take a shower, get into my jammies and crawl into bed.

I am proud that I didn't eat any bread today! In fact, I have crossed it off my grocery list-permanently. The program I am on stated from the beginning, "if it's not on the list, you can't have it." May God continue to give me the strength to follow this program "to the letter". \0/

For once in my life, I want to finally be able to "succeed" without stumbling. I am tired of going "full force" into what ever I am doing, only ending up sabataging myself because of my lack of belief, whether in myself or from wondering if I am doing this for the right reasons.

Chubby and Buster are enjoying my "Bible Stories" again at night. I lost a week or two of not reading my Bible, after having to put "Lucky" down. My heart just was not "in" to reading....I have noticed that void though, and am glad to say that I enjoy reading my Bible again before going to bed at night.

God Bless you all who are walking this path with me. May HE continue to give us all, the encouragement we need, the shoulder to lean on, to hear us when we call out HIS name, and the grace to get through any/all obstacles we face daily.

Love ya's

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Thursday afternoon...1:02p.m.

Woke up literally with a song in my heart and a spring in my step. Thank You Lord \0/

Went to the bank this morning, dropped off a deposit...back home, had a bottle of water and a cuppa' blueberry yogurt for breakfast.

Ate lunch early, around 11ish.....2 bowls of turkey chili. Chili? Yes, surprisingly even though temps are warm today, my stomach was saying "i would like chili today, please"(lol...even my stomach has manners).

Been sitting in chat....heard some awesome, awesome, awesome Praise and Worship music from our lil' brother, Worship Leader. Man, his singing blesses me to my very core. God has blessed him with such amazing talent. wooo hoooo \0/

Don't know what i'm having for dinner, that's a few hours away.....But I'm going to sign off now, and get back to the bedroom, open my Bible and doing some reading. I feel a change coming over me...like I've got to spend more time in the Word....God is truly opening up something in my life right now. I am ready...and willing....He has made me able to feel it......THANK YOU LORD!

Love u all...God Bless you
Daisy

[Daisy50]

Friday night. It was a warm, breezy day. I overslept. Had every intention of getting up early and running last minute errands...That didn't happen. So the rest of my day was kind of off kilter.

I watched the township road crew "work" on the street outside our house for awhile(talk about being bored)! And although it has taken them 2 days to lay a little strip of asphalt down our street, at least it is comforting to know that when the neighbors drain their pools this fall, the road won't get washed away.

Breakfast: 2 hardboiled egg whites, 3 oz. grapefruit wedges, 1 bottle of water, 1 small glass of cranberry/grape juice.

Lunch: Egg salad, 1 bottle of water.

Dinner: Grilled, skinless chicken strips, lettace, shredded cheese w/caesar dressing. 1 bottle of water.

Tomorrow our friends are having a bar-b-que. I thought I'd take dessert. So I baked a cake, decorated it. Not liking how it turned out, but am not going to get all crazed over the lack of imperfection. Stuck it in the fridge to chill overnight. Maybe tomorrow I'll see it diffferently. All I know is that this will be the last time I use icing-it was such a mess! Time to start learning how to use fondant.

But that's okay...just chalking it up to another lesson learned: icing and warm weather aren't a good combination.

Have been trying to learn other things during the day-sharpening my mind, keeping it busy....helps to pass the time and take away the boredom until I find a job. So I have started learning crochet. I know a lil' about it, but not all...thank goodness for Youtube though-I've found videos on step-by-step instructions on how to crochet a "granny square".

Mother tried to teach me how to crochet a granny square afghan years ago, but since she is left-handed, and I am not...it was confusing to say the least. So we gave up on it.

The night has gotten cooler since the sun went down. All's quiet around the house.

Hubby wasn't able to come home this weekend, but I told him that it was okay. The more jobs he gets to deliver to during the week, the better the paycheck, which helps keep us ahead of the "bill paying" game. He's back in Orlando this week. He said it was really hot last week. He hates the heat/humidity...I tell him "it's old age and rigor mortis"(he says the same to me whenever I complain about "stuff" I don't like either).

That's about it for tonight. I am going to sleep like a baby. It's been a longggg day. The warm weather knocks me out.

God Bless
Love ya's

Daisy

[Daisy50]

May 30th, 2011....2:54am

A nice warm weekend! Our friends held their 5th Memorial Day party. About 150 guests, lotsss of food and drink, good friends/old friendships renewed, new friendships formed, grandbaby, and a celebration for our friend's son's engagement to a lovely, lovely girl. All in all was fun.

I started off Saturday morning with a good breakfast...then took a nap before time to get showered and dressed for this party.

They didn't serve a lot of "healty" foods, but that's okay. I practiced "portion control" with what was offered.

My biggest accomplishment was being able to say "no" to all the desserts that were offered. I'd even baked a 3 tiered cake that had a very sweet icing and lots of decorations on it.....And as good as it looked as I was baking and decorating it...I stayed away from it.

Not trying to pat myself on the back, but I was happy that I could say no. Thank You Lord.

Sunday morning...Breakfast: 1 blackberry/pomegranate yogurt, 1 bottle of water.
Lunch: 3 pieces of baked fish, 4 oz. green peas, 1 bottle of water.
Dinner: Finished off the last of the baked fish(3 more pieces), 2 oz. green peas, 1 bottle of water.

During the day while straightening up the house, doing laundry/dishes, etc...I drank a couple more bottles of water.

Tried to go to bed early, but was wide awake at midnight. I've since had 1 strawberry yogurt, 1 bottle of water.

Have one last load of laundry to do. I've got enough to keep me busy until the sun comes up..then I have to get dressed and go grocery shopping-my cupboards are bare.

Thank You Lord for a beautiful weekend and a wonderful time with friends again. I was glad to be a part of their celebration.

I Ask Lord that you continue to bless each and everyone of us who are going thru this program. I ask that You continue to guide us with good thoughts about ourselves when we "mess up", and are hard on ourselves. I know that You see the beauty in us, Your Creation. And I know that You are proud to watch each of us make the attempt to rid this temple we have of all the things we should not be eating......

By eating better, we're not only helping ourselves, but it is glorifying You for what you created our bodies to be.

I Thank You Lord for standing by me...for allowing me to grow each day, and not scolding me when I fail. I thank You Lord for allowing me to see where/when I have messed up, and to give me the opportunity to do the right thing.

I Love You Lord....

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Tuesday night...7:49p.m....

Fell asleep earlier.....was down for the count until 4:30 this afternoon. I guess I really needed that sleep!

Went to the bank to make a deposit, then came home and fixed dinner for me and the doggies.

Dinner: 3 good sized pieces of baked fish, 6 oz. spinach, 3 oz. cream-style corn, 1 bottle of water.

OUR BODY HIS TEMPLE starts in 9 minutes. I am like sooo there.

Thank You Lord \0/

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Wednesday morning...June 1st, 2011...

Woke up earlyyyy this morning(4:15a.m.) Have been doing odds and ends around the house. Got the majority of chores done early, as I heard from the local weatherperson that today was going to be "oppressive heat". I did a load of laundry before going to bed last night....Got out the garbage and recycleables.

Had to buy allergy tabs this morning. Found a new one that melts on the tongue and it is fruit flavored. Praying that it kicks in before the heat of the day does....Once the humidity climbs my head will feel like it's in a vice grip and I will be grumpy(for lack of a 'better' word).

Breakfast at 5:30a.m. Something a lil' different than what I usually have.....
4 thin-slices of deli-style ham wrapped in lettace leaves, 1 tomato, 1/2 bottle of water and 1/2 glass of cranberry juice.

8:11a.m. Early morning snack: 1 Blackberry/pomegranate yogurt and the other half of bottled water from breakfast.

Posting the rest of my meals for the day, in case I'm not online later....

10:00a.m. Lunch: Tuna fish w/1 hard-boiled egg white(I save the yolks for the dogs-they like it mixed in with their dinner at night). 1 bottle of water, 6 oz. cooked spinach, 3 oz. grapefruit wedges for dessert.

12:30p.m. Afternoon snack: 3 oz. strawberries. 1/2 bottle water.

2:30p.m. Early Dinner: Turkey burger, salad(lettace, 1 chopped egg white, 1 tomato, spicey french salad dressing), 1 bottle of water.

4:00 p.m. Early evening snack: 1 Blackberry/pomegranate yogurt.

Thank You Lord for the many blessings You shower upon us daily. Thank You for keeping Your eyes on us, walking with us, keeping us safe and sound. Continue to watch over each and every one of us Lord...Heal those who's hearts are aching today, answer those who call out to You, calm their fears, dry their tears...Hold them close to You, and let them know that everything is going to be okay....All this I ask in Your Holy, Loving and Wonderful Name...Amen

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Thursday morning 6/2/2011

Another early morning. But am feeling great! The weather has cooled off a bit, not half as humid as yesterday...sun is shining very brightly, not a cloud in the sky and there's a hint of a breeze. Doggies are sleeping, all is quiet.....

Breakfast: 5:30a.m. 1/2 bottle of water, small bowl of cinnamon toast crunch cereal w/soy milk, small glass of cranberry juice.

Early morning snack: 7:30a.m. tuna fish w/1 hardboiled egg, 1/2 bottle of water.

Recently had a surprise on my Facebook page. Someone I was friends with when we were in our teens(we were freshmen in high school)posted a private note to me....Lemme' tell ya', I 'bout fell off my chair when I saw that note because it wasn't but a few weeks ago that I had her on my mind.

I love how God works in His way.....I feel He has brought she and I back in touch for a reason. For all the years we've not seen each other, she has seen my sister at one time or another and could very well have gotten my address/phone number, but didn't. So, I'm believing that the Lord has made this "reunion" happen, and I am sooo happy for it!

Cheryl and I were "best friends" back in the day. If you saw her, you saw me. Even our older brothers were best friends. When Cheryl's brother was killed in a car accident, we parted ways. She rebelled by hanging with a tougher crowd-got heavily into partying, drinking, doing drugs....I didn't recognize her anymore. She wasn't the same person I knew when we were 15, so I stayed away from her. When we'd pass each other in the halls in school, she'd give me a glaring look, then snub her nose at me because I wasn't part of the "party scene"....It hurt. Not only did I lose my best friend, but I lost another brother, when her brother passed away.

1983....The last time I saw her in person, was at a party. She and I went off to talk in private. There were things that laid heavy on my heart for many years, and I never had the chance to talk to her about it....So while others were "boozing it up" inside her house, she and I were talking in her car(we were making a "beer run" to the local liquor store).

I apologized to her for not attending her brother's funeral. I told her that it broke my heart, because he was like a brother to me....and not once did I regard her feelings, I was selfishly thinking of my own pain...I told her I didn't blame her for not wanting anything to do with me afterwards(it was an immediate breaking up of our friendship after her brother died), and didn't blame her for finding other "friends", even though I didn't like that she was drowning her sorrows in alcohol and drugs.

To say she was surprised at what I was telling her, is an understatement. She told me that she thought SHE was to blame for us not being friends anymore. She said she thought I was mad at her(I wasn't).....We hugged and everything was good again. I got my friend back and we went back to the house, drank a couple of beers together, and then said "goodnight".

From her note, I find that she is married and the mom of 2 grown sons. I wrote back and tried to catch her up as best as I could with what has been going on with me since we last saw each other, and to keep in touch when she could.

I'm grateful for this chance to be friends with her again. Like I said, she and I were like sisters. We had a good friendship at one time. I'm thanking God for being allowed to renew that friendship with her again. \0/

I still pray that the Lord gets me in touch with another friend as well. Linda is her name. I will continue to pray that I hear from her. I've missed her too. She was a good person, with a good heart, and a wonderful personality. She moved away when I was 17...I never got to say goodbye. Now I want to be given the chance to say "hello" to her again.

Thank You Lord for answered prayers. Thank You Lord for bringing a dear friend from my past back to me. Thank you Lord for all that You do in my life. I love You Lord!!! I know I can always depend on you to brighten my day. I love You Lord for the surprises you bring into my life. Thank You again for allowing Cheryl and I another chance to be as close as we once were.
Thank You Lord for the friendships I have made here at Oasis. I love the support each one gives when I have fallen flat on my face. Thank You Lord for giving them the words to help me get up and believe that I am as good as YOU say I am, even when there are days that I don't believe in myself.
Thank You again Lord for this opportunity with this program. I struggle some days on my eating choices...there are times that I want to go back to eating junk food, but I know that it will cause me to feel sluggish, and sick....I've spent too many years being sick from the choices I've made. I don't want to walk down that path again.
I ask Lord that You continue to bless each and every one of us who are doing this program. Shine Your light on the paths we walk. Keep us focused on the bigger picture at the end of the path, when we are finally able to feel better about ourselves, and knowing what we are doing in this walk is to make our bodies, souls and minds fit for Your service.

God Bless
Love you all
Daisy