those ugly addictions

[Dora]

i haven't binged/purged since the first post i made in this thread. 2 months 1 week. \o/ not only have i not there have only been a couple times that the thot even entered my mind...and those were fleeting thots that the Holy Spirit quickly enlightened it so i could see the lies. \o/

That is terrific news! Thank you for sharing. Love you so much!

[bteubner]

Hey Sorta,
I am so proud of you for being strong enough to post and share this. I can relate, to an eating disorder of the same patterns, for 20 years. It is hard to come out and admit to those around you, who love and care for you, though that has been the best healing start for me. Though they can’t understand why we can’t eat something, or why one week is this way and the next is that. Having someone there to hold you through it is a little gift from God. ED’s take time to develop and over years seed deep roots, but you have taken some amazing steps, admitting and acknowledging the disease, and then opening up to those around, and allowing God to work miracles in you and through you. I have heard and am in the process, it takes small steps to get to healing. Keep the faith, because God has an amazing plan for your life. I am so proud of you. God sees his child and He sees beauty in what He made.
Cuc, your true story jerks my heart, and brings me to tears. 1 because God has given me such a strong passion for this ministry and His girls, His princesses. And I have read so many life stories that this is the end result. 2. Only months ago, I found myself, as a mom fearing the same outcome for my 2 precious children. This is real stuff that girls as young as 5 are dealing with and it is so scary. Cuc, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Sorta for sharing, God can really use your testimony to touch other girls and women’s lives. Keep drawing close to Him, and Full freedom will come. I have a poem that God gave me about this, and His promise, and another poem that He gave me of just more Hope. I am new here, so I am not sure exactly the best place to post it.
May God bless you Sorta today as you grow closer to Him.

[stillstanding]

bteubner thank you for posting...im not sure exactly where im sposed to take this yet...in the world...God hasnt pushed me back out there yet. i can feel His urging. I know the day is near, but i'm not ready. and going to soon would be bad. i'm just beginning to uncover my gifts and trying to put the puzzle all together.

much love in Christ, sis

love all y'all

[stillstanding]

i have traded one addiction for another my whole life. but somehow God kept me safe. somehow for some reason HE allowed me to venture into so many things that should have killed me...would have killed me if i didnt have HIM there always keeping me safe. i dont fully understand why. i mean i know i am to tell people what i know. but i feel overwhelmed now because i have so much to tell and dont know how to go about telling it all. am i sposed to make journal entries about specifics? should i document experiences of somehow being someplace other than where i remember being last? document occasions of being high or drunk and encountering police but not being arrested?
did i not truly experience addiction since i didnt experience withdrawals? i dont believe that because of the addiction that i have been delivered of, which is caffeine. i have consumed multiple caffeinated beverages and pots of coffee DAILY since i was 18. HE recently told me to stop drinking coffee and caffeine. the reason? because i was using coffee as a drug to keep from eating and as a stimulant. HE delivered me from caffeine without withdrawals. How? Grace. to HIM be all glory. why? so i can be a better witness? of what? HIS love and what HE can and is willing to do for us if we ask and aloow HIM to. when? now. where? here...for how long? i dont know.

[stillstanding]

I can see that my hands are trembling
I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning
But I will overcome

And I know that my heart is hurting
And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing
But I will overcome

CHORUS:
Oh Lord I'm strong in You, Oh Lord I'm wise in You
Oh Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I am loved by You, Oh Lord I am free in You
Oh Lord I'm complete in You, so I will overcome, I will overcome
I will overcome

[Dora]

Very cool!!!!

[realtmg]

AMEN!

[stillstanding]

healing seems to me like this...we recognize the sin in ourselves and ask forgiveness. we ask for healing and He heals us. whether we choose to walk out the healing is on us. "Go. your faith has healed you." Mark 10:52

we ask for the healing while knowing He can and believing He will heal us. walking it out requires more faith. someone blind may instantly see. someone deaf may instantly hear. someone lame may instantly walk. someone with a life-long eating disorder may be instantly delivered, but spend a significant amount of time in healing of body and mind from the things that led to the disorder as well as the side effects of the disorder itself. thats the walking it out part. the walking in faith, believing you've been delivered, while overcoming the enemy's lies for however long it takes part. it's choosing to listen to the still small voice telling you the truth when you're thinking of eating a triple cheesburger and extra large fries and washing it down with a pie a la mode part.

just a couple cents

[dema]

That's amazing about the caffeine. He had me cut back years ago - but I did it gradually. And I still get to have my pot of half calf every day. But, I'm on diet rootbeer instead of cola.

Any kindof cola has phosphorous and phosphorous in those quantities binds with the calcium in your body and you pee it out. So, it can really lead to osteoporosis in people who drink a lot of cola or who are at risk - like pale, skinny women who are past menopause and don't exercise.

I drank 6 a day for over 20 years. But, I seldom have any now. Maybe 3 diet cokes a month at restaurants.

It's just colas.

[stillstanding]

i drank at least 6 diet cokes a day. every single day. since i was 13 years old. in the early 90's when i was really sick, i drank about 18-24 cans of diet mt. dew every single day.

the reason i think i had to cut it all, or reasons: 1) i was abusing it for the stimulant and for the replacement of eating 2) the chemicals in that quantity would have eventually done some SERIOUS damage 3) complete submission for complete recovery.

i believe that drinking them in moderation is completely safe, they are FDA approved and everyone drinks them...it's just that this is how God is working me thru my healing

love you, dema

[akita777]

I have such an addictive personality. If that is even true. Maybe, I just sin and we now call them addictions. I don't know but I sure know I have struggled with mine. From drugs to sex, even religion. This might sound crazy but now I think I am addicted to "getting well". It's always something. I just want to be in His peace. I also struggle big time with eating out too often and drinking way to many Cokes.

I want to change, but I don't want to try and do it in my strength but His strength. Sometimes I don't know what that looks like. I just know that when I am doing it in my power I always fail. Or, I succeed and feel proud about it. Either way it's like failing because the Lord was not glorified. I give it all to him and pray he makes something good out of it...

Steve

[bteubner]

Hey Girl,
I again so can relate to what you are saying. I know that God has healed me from this eating disorder, but because of the familiarality of it and daily for 20 years living with it, it is hard to walk it out in Faith. Though I can say it is in daily walking with Him and relying on the Godly people that he has placed in our lives, to help us over come those times in any addiction, or struggle. My Faith with the ED has been walked out in parts along this journey to healing. Part one.. recognizing the addiction and illness, part 2. asking for forgiveness, but also speaking out and allowing those around me to be apart of this journey, part 3. forgiving... myself, my abusers, situations in my life that have caused me pain, part 4. taking each day as it comes and each thought taking it captive by His words and truth, part 5. choosing to do what God is asking me to do to reach others with an addiction. All parts have been equally hard at their own points in my life. Now it is part 5, I am following through and each time I start satan attacks and yes I relapse for a moment, but I am keeping my eyes on My Daddy-My God who has my hand and He said that he would be faithful and would deliver me in the end. I am longing for that day, but I also am seeing each step of the way that He has not let go of me, and I am going to be ok. As you are and will be tomorrow. Your part is to keep your eyes on HIM and allow those little miracle to happen.