My Journal...My Journey....My Body...His Temple

[Daisy50]

My weight has been a hinderance through the years since I was 12 years old. I was the biggest kid in class(weight wise). I had the mean kids say things to my face, and I heard the snickers from the "popular kids" from that time until we graduated high school. Six long years of verbal abuse. I don't know how I got through it. Or did I?

I remember the tears I cried over the bad names they called me, but I smile and Thank God for those who stood up for me when I least expected it.

Because of my poor health when I was younger, I didn't have the strength/stamina to keep up with the other kids on the playground, or even friends in our neighborhood. I learned how to play alone....Grandma always had some art project for me to do, or paper dolls to play with...Something quiet.

Many years I spent behind a chair in the living room playing with my paper dolls, or on the back porch while grandma did laundry, doing a paint-by-number or coloring in a coloring book. Sometimes I'd play Barbie's with my baby sister, or baby dolls. But most times my safe place was behind that brown chair in the living room...No one bothered me, no one could be mean to me, no one could tell me that life would be better if I wasn't in the picture. It was just me, my paper dolls and whatever other project I was into.....and the quiet.

By the time I got into 12th grade, I was once again, the heaviest kid in my class. My size 20-plus jeans and nice blouses mom bought me didn't stop the "popular girls" from snickering....I heard them. I acted like I didn't. But when I got home from school on the afternoon bus, I'd run to my room many of those days and cry a river of tears-I hurt so bad. I couldn't figure out why people were so mean to me, when I'd never done anything bad to them.

Then, there was a guy my older brother was friends with. He was my first "older boy" crush. I was 18, just graduated from h.s., and wanted a boyfriend(cause others had boyfriends).....My younger sister told this guy that I liked him(I'd liked him since I was 8), and that I wanted to go out with him. He told her, "Peggy is nice...but I'm "not into" fat chicks, I'd rather date you!" She was pissed! She told him "If my sister is NOT good enough to go out with you, then neither am I!" It was the first time my baby sister stood up for me. I will never forget that as long as I live.

I have gone on the popular diet programs=spent lots of money on each one that promised I'd lose weight. One I gained 15 pounds on, even though I followed the program to the letter....they refused to believe me, and would not refund my money.....

I have lost the weight...regained back more.

I have bad eating habits, and this time in my life I need to get a grip on it. I miss those days of playing tennis for hours on end....or running on the beach...doing anything active. Hubby has reminded me in the past that he "misses the old me..the one who was physically active..."

And it has played a part in our physical relationship as well. I don't like what I see when I am naked...why would I think he would either? (My twisted way of thinking).

For a long time hubby has told me that he would buy me a whole new wardrobe if I lost the weight again. He said he misses that I don't dress up when we go out to eat....I've become so lax in how I dress, that tennis shoes are what on my feet most days and a pair of sweats and a tshirt in winter.

I used to love to get all "gussied up" when we dated. Hair was fixed, make-up looked good....clothes fit well, and I felt like a queen.....He put me on a pedestal, and I used to tease him "if you put me up any higher, I'm going to get a nose bleed"!

You wanna' know something? I miss that attention he used to give me. I want it back. I want our marriage back...I want our relationship back.....And I won't get it back if I don't start paying attention to myself and being brutally honest with how I am.

My hubby and I used to go bowling...used to do a lot of stuff on the weekend when we were dating. Now I don't even like to be seen in public, if I don't have to. Grocery shopping-I do it earlyyyy in the mornings, when the store has hardly anyone in them. I don't want people to see how I've let myself go.....and I don't want to feel like I have to make an excuse for why I look the way I do. It's just been easier to hide behind what I've let myself get to..and that is stopping. RIGHT HERE...RIGHT NOW.

Summer is coming. Our friends have cookouts. Everyone of the women who come with their hubbies who are friends with our friends, are in great shape. They all work at how they look. I start thinking "they must think I'm just a big ol' slob who eats all the time". Truth is...I don't eat all the time. I eat when I'm hungry....or i snack here and there. But it's about the choices of what I'm putting in my mouth that is keeping me from feeling better or losing weight.

Tomorrow I have to go grocery shopping. I am making up a list of better food choices, and I am going to stick to it. From this moment on, when I post I will be posting what I am eating...how often I am eating. Also I want to include the choices I've made from replacing one thing with another.

Thank You Lord for this program, and thank you Bren for bringing it here to Oasis. You have no idea how much this means to me. I can't wait to start posting my progress. Tonight was the 1st step. I've got a ways to go. But the thing different about this time, verses other times? I'm doing this "publically" and am allowing others to post their thoughts, prayers, cheers and ideas for me to see. We all need to be cheerleaders for each other. And our biggest cheerleader is God. HE WILL HELP US SUCCEED! AMEN

Daisy

[stillstanding]

I LOVE you Daisy! Tears in my eyes as i read your post...i so relate with your pain!

Thank you for standing here with me in this, and our oasis brothers and sisters, too!


God bless us and give us strength to live according to your word and presenting an example to the world that they would see Jesus in us and seek You. Amen.

Phil 3:19 - Their end is destruction; their god is their stomach; their glory is in their shame. they are focused on earthly things.

[Daisy50]

Day One: Slept in this morning(didn't crawl outta' bed until 10)! Drank a cuppa' hot cocoa while writing out bills. Need more stamps! grrr

I've set a goal for myself. 2 pounds of weight loss/week. If I lose more by following the plan I'm on, that will be great! But I'm not going to get down on myself if I don't.

I took my body measurements. Shocked by the numbers! But, I am not going to let it hinder me....The first step is the hardest. By this time next week, it will be "old hat" and I should start seeing some results, as long as I follow this plan, do the exercises, eat when I'm supposed to and what I'm supposed to eat.

Totally bypassed lunch, wasn't hungry. Feeling good though! Turned on the radio and danced around a half hour or so. Drank down a glass of water afterwards.

Ate dinner early, around 4p.m.

Dinner: Baked fish, 1 Cup of fresh veggies(carrot sticks, broccoli and cauliflower)....small container of spicey french dressing to dip the veggies in. 1 glass pink lemonade.

Fed the dogs around 5, then went to the store. Picked up a bottle of gingerale.

Tomorrow is grocery shopping day. List is made. Sticking to it. Spent many years being an impulse shopper. This is going to be hard. Asking the Lord for help in this too.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

659a.m. Thursday

Breakfast....I've been thinking about it since 4 o'clock this morning...Tossed and turned most of the night. Had some strange dreams, that SURPRISINGLY didn't revolve around food. Finally got up at 6a.m., let the doggies out. Ran a comb thru my hair, put on fuzzy slippers and headed to the kitchen. By the time the water boiled, doggies were ready to come in...(perfect timing)!

Breakfast today: 1 Cup of Oatmeal & 2/3 banana
1 glass of gingerale

Gonna' go and catch up on emails...Then back here to "Rise and Shine". After that, I've got that grocery shopping to do, a few other errands to tend to, then if the weather clears up(after last night's thunderstorm), I'll be taking the dogs out and do some stuff in the yard. Ready for winter to be over with.....Need to feel the warmth of the SON-shine. \0/

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Mid-morning snack(11:30a.m)....Bluberry yogurt

Lunch(1p.m.)....Egg salad on toasted 15-grain bread & a small glass of pink lemonade

Snack: Haven't decided yet. Another cuppa' yogurt? I don't know.

Journaling ahead for the evening hours-to keep me on track.
Dinner(4:30p.m.)Deli-style thin-sliced ham with cheese rolled up in lettace leaves. Glass of gingerale.

5p.m to 530....Exercise

Hit the shower afterwards, no other plans for the evening-but will see what's going on in Oasis...After that, then I'll get into jammies, and curl up on the sofa with a good book until time to take the doggies out one last time....Then as I do every night, get the doggies & their treats, grab my Bible. I tell them "it's Bible Story Time"...and will read about 6 chapters...(at least until I hear them snoring).

Daisy

[sbennett]

YOu are doing great !!!!! I am really praying for you and all the others on this journey. You are doingit right....just eating good food and getting some exercise. I can't wait to see how much you will be losing!!

Luv ya!

[Daisy50]

Thank sorta! *hugss* It's been hard....I've spent so long not eating.....or eating junk....I was feeling sluggish and angry...my hair was breaking, and when I'd brush it-handfuls would come out of my brush. I knew I had to get a grip on this. Thank you and everyone who're supportive! It means a lot to me. I hope and pray it is going great with you as well. You know you can post me privately if u need to talk about it, or post here and I'll answer you...or anyone!

God Bless you sis! Love ya'

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Friday morning. 7:35a.m.....

Breakfast: 1 cup Oatmeal & a hardboiled egg(without the yolk). Small glass of gingerale.

Slept like a baby last night, even though I was wide awake until 1 this morning! Woke up at 5:45, let the doggies out....Started a load of laundry, put eggs on the stove for boiling....Took a shower....

Did Week One/Day One of exercises. All upper-body. Arms and shoulders feeling a little like "jello", u know....jiggly after that workout, even though it was pretty easy. Felt good to stretch after being all curled up under the covers last night and being crowded by 3 dogs.

Going to Walmart this morning. Want to see what kind of exercise 'gear' I can find...hopefully on sale. And I have to pick up a few more things in their supermarket....doing the ol' proverbial "killing two birds with one stone" thing....

After that, the day is mine to do whatever I chose. The sun is shining, so if that's an indicator as to what the day will be like..as long as it gets warmer, then I'll be spending the day outside. Need to spend some time in the SON-shine.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

4:04 p.m. Friday afternoon.

Wow! What a beautiful day the Lord gave us today. Lots of sunshine.....and SON-shine. After spending the hour in Rise and Shine, I went grocery shopping. Took my time, bought what I needed and then spent some time walking up and down the aisles-went to the exercise equipment area. Found a few things I need. Will pick them up tomorrow. Had to get the groceries home.

Took a cruise around town too. Gased up the car...drove around for an hour, listening to a couple of my fave radio stations (Christian station:" Star 99.1", and a Progressive Rock station "The Hawk, 105.7"). Loved it! Not much traffic on the road....Tomorrow, hoping the weather holds out. My poor car needs to get cleaned....inside and out!

2:15p.m. Mid-afternoon snack: 1 bottle of Dasani water(our tap water is horrible, I'd rather drink bottled water), 1/2 apple, 10 lil' squares of cheddar cheese and a couple of bites from a cinnamon/oatmeal cake.

4:30p.m Dinner: Grilled chicken caesar salad. 1 cup of grapefruit wedges. 1 bottle of water.

5:30p.m. I have some "walking" video tapes(Leslie Sansone's "Walk Away The Pounds"). 1 mile/walking....total time:18 minutes. I can do this!

Early evening snack: 1 cup of Danon Strawberry yogurt, 1 bottle of Dasani water.

Back into Oasis chat sometime around 8p.m.

Before bed, I have lower body exercises to do. That'll take all of about 20 minutes.

10:00 p.m. Grab my Bible, and the doggies.....and get settled in for the night to read "Bible Stories". Then off to dreamland.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

4:40 a.m...Okay, I'm bummed.....I posted yesterday and guess I didn't hit "submit"...so nothing posted. I'll skip it then(don't feel like re-writing it), and go into today(Sunday).

I've been wide awake since 3:30 a.m. Doggies needed to go outside....Usually this time of morning I'd be grumpy, cranky, with a "don't talk to me" look on my face. But I have to say that since I've changed my eating habits(eating better, and healthier), it has changed my attitude towards a lot of things.

Stayed up(doggies went back to sleep...bless their lil' doggy hearts)....Turned on the t.v. to the Jewelry Television Network(I'm a biggggg home shopping "junkie"...only thing is, I don't have the money to buy anything, so I do a LOT of "window" shopping).

Around 4 a.m., I started getting hungry. Fixed myself 3 tuna & hard-boiled egg lettace wraps(with a lil' hint of mayo) and a 1/2 container of grapefruit slices with 2 bottles/water. I'm full.....and the grapefruit helped my throat feel better. I woke up with such a dry throat this morning.

That's it for now....Will be posting as the day goes by.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

Sunday (continued)....While waiting for the doggies to come in, I did my lower leg stretches. 1 rep of 20 stretches/leg.

1 cup of Strawberry yogurt @ 6:30a.m... Channel surfing...Now am watching QVC. Doggies, suprisingly are still sound asleep. All is quiet. Drinking the last of the bottle of water from a couple of hours ago. Have been surfing the internet....reading, reading, reading...nothing of importance, just reading.

8:27a.m...Need to eat again....it's been a couple of hours and my tummy is saying "feed me". Think I'll warm up some oatmeal. That'll hold me over til' 10:30a.m.

Daisy

[Daisy50]

10:30 a.m. Sunday morning
Strawberry yogurt, 1/2 bottle Dasani water.

Did my lower body exercises. 1 set of 18 reps/both legs. Sure did feel good to stretch out!!! I sleep all curled up at night, I am stiff most mornings when I wake up....This is a good thing to help the muscles feel relaxed in the a.m.

12:30p.m. Lunch: 1 Cup lettace, 2 Tbs. spicey ranch dressing, 2 chicken patties with shredded white american cheese melted over the top. 1/2 bottle of Dasani water.

2:30p.m. Blueberry yogurt while catching up with 'Cityville' on Facebook. Too many game neighbors-takes a good hour to get everyone taken care of on that crazy game before I can take care of my own lil' town. But still, a fun game...(yes, I'm easily amused).

4:30p.m. Tuna fish rolled up in lettace. 1 Cup brocolli, carrots, cauliflower & caesar dressing for dipping. 1 bottle water.
3 ounces peach slices for dessert.

6:30p.m. 1 Cup dried cranberries & walnuts.

That's my daily meal posting. I've found it easier to make up my meals and snacks ahead of time. This way there's no having to wonder what I want. I can just grab it and go...or pop it into the microwave. No sweat...no worries. It's all good. Thank You Lord!

Oh, yeah......I've replaced soda and potato chips with water and crunchy veggies...and no cravings for either of them. The other night I ate some ice cream(it's not allowed on this program)....gave me a BAD case of heartburn. Never thought I'd ever say "I won't eat that again."

Snuck a peek at the scale this morning-Curiosity got the best of me......Have lost 5 pounds(even though I know the first 10 we lose is "only water"...glad to have the numbers going down). Thank You Lord \0/

It's now a few minutes before dinner-time. I'm watching NASCAR. They're at Lap 84 of 200. Always cheering for my fave driver(#48 Jimmie Johnson). Boogity, boogity, boogity....Let's go RACIN', BOYS! LOL

Daisy