The Inner Child

[Dora]

I believe in you. Now you have to love and believe in yourself.

Funny you say that because this is the part of the study that I know I need to study more......

Why does God want someone like US though?

Before you allow the enemy of our souls (satan) to talk you into believing that YOU could in no way be special or worthy and the thought of lil ole YOU being called by GOD to help others may seem a lil far fetched ...

PONDER ON THIS TRUTH

That is EXACTLY who God has called according to the Bible.

1 Corinthians 1:26-28
For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are.

God uses the rejects of the world. Those who feel they are worthless. Those who are found to be UNWORTHY by the World. So, this means you may be a loner or even be known by others and even yourself as weird or strange ...

God has called the PECULIAR souls to serve Him.

1 Peter 2:9
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Awesome huh?

See... God chose those He knew could NEVER think more of themselves than they are and would seek only to LOVE and SERVE Him. He does not want a bunch of souls who will turn on Him down the road and desire to BE Him as satan did.

SO, IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT THAT GOD WOULD CALL YOU
CUZ YOU DO NOT FEEL LIKE SOME KIND OF SUPERHERO ...

BEST THINK AGAIN.

We will not let our feelings of inadequacy get in the way.
We will not question God.

[deetu]

Yes! and think of it this way. Who would be easier for God to use, the intelligent, educated person so stuck in legalistic Bible that he doesn't hear or the hurt soul who wants freedom and because she finds that freedom, whats others to be free too?

Sorry piney, had to catch up on your posts but when I was reading about you being in the middle of the evil and light, you said that God was on the other side of the light. No, God is the light, just step in

And I found that it is easier to dance with Jesus when you stand on his feet!


Thank you Lord for the wisdom you are giving pine that she is seeing the truth and getting free

[Timothy]

you wrote on Friday:
> I wanted so badly to say to her I understand and to comfort her by sharing that I to was hurt. But I couldn't even say I understand. <

Just a thought:

Perhaps in those moments, when God doesn't put the words in our mouths,
maybe He just wants us to be there, in silence.

Perhaps just a touch to their hand.
Or maybe just a touch on the sholder or a slight back rub.
Even something as simple as a stroke of your hand down the back of their head.
(I've seen that picture some where around here)
No words, just a touch that shows that someone is there.

Perhaps a silent prayer on their behalf to go along with that careing touch?

[Dora]

Hi ya Dee Maybe I didn't explain what I saw very good. The light is Jesus, yes. Shining through a community of believers. Jesus Himself was standing between me and the evil. Of coarse. Where else would he be? Far away? No. He's right there protecting me. Battle has already been won. He's already taken on all that the devil has done, is doing or will do on Himself. So yes! You are right. He is the light. In this particular picture He is the light shining through a community of believers, the body of Christ, the church, brothers and sister.

Hi Timothy! Thank you. Didn't think of that. I think it was fear that kept me from speaking though. Though I do struggle in person to keep quiet in awkward moments. When all is silent. Hard to remember it's ok to just sit. Like I have to say something. Often in those moments is when I say the wrong thing. At least this time I didn't say the wrong thing. I have seen her many times since and haven't treated her differently. I feel that is a testimony and comfort to her and allows the door to stay open. Oh well. Time will tell. I don't feel guilty. Just when I think of her I feel I could of did more, if I wasn't so terrified of the pictures that pops into my head from my own past. Oh well. It'll work out.

I didn't do todays study. I had terrible dreams last night. Where each time I woke I was confused as to when I was awake and when I was dreaming. Sounds strange but I do this from time to time. Cubby asked what is wrong but when I tried to tell him I felt like I was just talking in my sleep. Perhaps I was because this morning when I told him I had bad dreams he told me I should of woke him up and told him. Dreams are weird.

I didn't do todays study because I spent over an hour this morning talking to cubby. Then we were on the road the rest of the day. I shared with him how I have this crazy thought of going to visit my uncle in prison. He asked what would my counselor say about that. I said she'd tell me I need to stay away from him. Cubby said he agreed with her. I just would like to look in his eyes and say I remember. But I forgive you. I do believe if I did, I would hurt. I've been told, "He has hurt so many that he probably doesn't even remember who he's hurt nor does he care." Thinking of seeing him caused a bunch of memories to flood my mind. There's more there that I've not looked at. That's where the night mares came from.

Well anyhow tomorrow I'll do day #14. Final day.

Last thought of the day. When a rose blossoms, if you try to force it to blossom quicker by pulling on the petals, it falls apart. Gotta allow it through the creators loving guidance to open at it's own pace. All this time it's singing it's very own song. Peace.

[Dora]

Finished the 14th step on Monday.
Went to counseling on Tuesday.

Found out that I have made progress in the past 2 years. I've gone from accepting all the blame and guilt to being angry. Well she (counselor) called that progress. It's discouraging to me that I'm still here after all this time. I thought I had worked past this anger. Guess I just peeled off a few layers of it.

[deetu]

[Tam]

Step by Step sis
Progress is Progress

I am proud of you for finishing the steps....Day one I recall you saying that "I can't do this study" Look at you ..YOU DID IT! I am so proud of you pine.

Love you sis~

[Dora]

Thanks Tam Day 1 and 2 were sooooo hard I nearly quit. I did quit a dozen times before. I don't remember why it was so hard. Perhaps I should go back and redue them now. Not sure if now is the time. Really a lot of anger and hate inside. Counselor is out of office for a week. I told myself I'm only dealing with the past the hour I'm with her so I'm not spending day and night trying to fix myself.


Just don't stop praying for me. He'll work this all out one day. In His time, In His way.

Dee You're such a trouble maker.

[ciny]

Hi Piney cone rember we are all in this together and cool that you finished the steps its hard to look at the past and the pain that comes with it you are dpoing it i have faith in you to and you can do this caus the word of God says so.

I can do all thing through Christ who strenghthens me
Phillippians 4:13
i cheated i have a frigerator magnet that has the scripture on it
i new the scriptuer couldnt rember the chapter and verse.

Love ya sis

[deetu]

love ya sweetie

[kimby]

I just read through a lot of this and some of it sounds so familiar...the shame, the guilt, the anger, the walls. Sometimes I think things have improved, but then it seems like it all knocks me off my feet again.

Somewhere in one of these posts someone mentioned keeping our distance from God because we are afraid. It was a relief to know that at least one other person knows that feeling. If I try to pray the shame overwhelms me, sits on my shoulders like a physical weight. He knows what I am, He knows I am dirty...and I don't want Him to!

I have this picture of a little girl dressed in a beautiful white dress, flowers tucked in her pinned up curls as she stands before God. That picture lasts for the smallest of moments before it is replaced with another one of that same wee girl. This time, though, she stands before God with her dress torn and dirty, her hair tangled and falling around her face. What was once precious and beautiful is now ruined and filthy...and there is no where to hide.

[Dora]

Kimby! I'm so glad you are here and so glad you read my post.

I've been trying to figure out how to write the next step in this as to the good God has done for me but the words just can't describe it.

I thought of the woman who anointed Jesus feet with oil. I felt as if I was to dirty to even approach Him. He has done a beautiful work in showing me that I am forgiven. It started with that bible story and prayer. And today I not only can come before Him and anoint his feet, but we dance together. Still at times some shame. But there will always be a battle to overcome the shame as we have an enemy that keeps telling us about what we have done. Focus on what He has done sis. The work on the cross. His blood shed for even your sins. Cause He loves ya just that much.

I suggest the cccc study sis. http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

There's also one for incest and one for rape victims.
http://www.christianityoasis.com/questf ... t/home.htm
http://www.christianityoasis.com/frompa ... /forum.htm

I also suggest you keep typing and praying. I'll be praying for you.

God loves you and so do I! So glad you are here. Welcome to the family.