Christianity Oasis Forum

[angelbaby]

This is the second time that I have tried the CCC study. The first was a large failure and didn't even make it through the study because my heart was not into it. I didn't believe God was there. Yesterday, God allowed me to hit rock bottom. He allowed me to continue to do what I thought was best for myself. When I hit rock bottom, he was right there. He orchestrated people to help me. He is the only one that could have brought those people there at the right time to help me. Today, I realized this. I realized how much he cared to allow me to hit rock bottom, but he still was there to pick me up, even though I was clueless. He isn't far off that wants nothing to do with me, and he is not going to punish me. Today, with a little nudging, I decided to start the study again and do it with the heart put into it because he is there.

[Lani]

*Cheer3* angelbaby

Awesome girl!!!

Amen Beautifully put sis!!

My prayer for you is that on this journey your heart will remain open to His truth and that you will continue even when it gets a lil hard to see. Walkin with ya sis.



Peace n Love in Christ,
Lani

[Tam]

UH HUH rock bottom...not a fun place to be.. But it is there that we really decide to make a change. I am so proud that you are doing the steps again. I pray that God would truly bless you as you get to know Him and His love more and more.

[mlg]

Sometimes we are so stubborn that God has to let us fall completely down so we will realize that we can't do things alone and He can then begin to work in us. The main thing is to make the MAIN thing the main thing. When we do this we will see change.

If you truly want to change, and you want to see joy in your life...then push through the steps and finish...you will be glad you did.

Praying for you on this journey.

luv ya

[angelbaby]

Day Two, I have known for a long time my mind is like a garden. I like to garden, though I really don't get a chance to do so often. I can very much relate to seeds being planted in my mind being chocked by weeds. I also know my weeds have deep roots from childhood. I often times finding myself having to examine my thoughts, especially when having a panic attack. When I am having a panic attack, there are thoughts/feelings that are completely false. In order to calm down, I have to change those thoughts/feelings. I am also aware there are more thoughts that need to change.

[deetu]

Best way to do it. Change your thoughts...renew your mind

[mlg]

Finding those weeds, identifying them, digging them out by the root, and recognizing them immediately when they try to grow back...the way to keeping your garden clean and clear.

Keep walking through the steps.

luv ya

[angelbaby]

Day three is a very difficult step for me. I am not good at either letting myself, God, or others off the hook for things. I have often had difficult understand the "why's" of life. Why God allowed things to happen? To be honest, I really despise the answer that human have free will. I have heard it a million and on times, and it still bothers me. I just don't get it, I guess. The most difficult thing is forgiving myself. If I make a mistake, I feel like I have to correct the mistake or punish myself. Even if someone forgives me, I still typically have a hard time forgiving myself until I feel like I have punished myself or made up for the mistake. Yes, I whole heartedly admit that I am a perfectionist. I have learned this from home, school, and the expectations that I place on myself. I want others to see me as strong and having it all together. I am usually the once counseling my friends and giving them advice. At the same time, I could feel like I need to fall apart, but no one else is allowed in the walls to see. The funny thing is that I am very contradictory. There are times I despise this feeling of having to be perfect. I want to throw the mask off and just scream that I am a human too. I make mistakes, too! I am also terrified of that. The times, I have taken off my mask to show people the real me I have been accused of just seeking attention or being rebellious "teenager." People didn't see the real need. I felt rejected. I swore that I wouldn't take off the mask and let people again. That is a very lonely place to be, however. The true cry of my heart lately is to be transparent.

[deetu]

Hey angel, you swore that you wouldn't do it again. Believe it or not, that is making an inner vow that needs to be broken. If it isn't, it will continue to hold you back.
Maybe getting new, Christian friends would help. See the real you and uplift you at the same time.

[mlg]

angel, one of the things that you have to do in order for the healing to truly take place is to make yourself forgive. I know it's sometimes not easy...but if you are pulling the weeds from your mind as you need to...then it will be easier. Once you learn to accept that God's forgiveness as being the only way to go...and you learn to forgive yourself as God wants...you will see progress. Work hard on this...as I feel your healing depends on your ability to do this.

luv ya

[angelbaby]

The most difficult thing is forgiving myself. If I make a mistake, I feel like I have to correct the mistake or punish myself. Even if someone forgives me, I still typically have a hard time forgiving myself until I feel like I have punished myself or made up for the mistake.

Today's step is just as difficulty as yesterday's step for me. I don't see God's forgiveness so how on earth am I supposed to forgive myself. I don't even really know what to say. I am pretty much summarized how I feel yesterday, espeically in this one little quote.

[mlg]

angelbaby...let's pause a moment...you stated here you don't see God's forgiveness...why is that? is it because you refuse His forgiveness? you don't want His forgiveness? your selfish and think you don't need His forgiveness? you think that since you don't feel you deserve forgiveness...that you can ignore His forgiveness?

Which one is it sis?

luv ya