Springs, streams, and rushing rivers: whisp blog

[Whisperingsprings]

thanks mlg. i do agree.

Lesson learned:
It is better to be honest about my anger, than to stuff it and it spills out somewhere else. It is easier on my asperger soul to work through the emotions as soon as I am able than to stuff and stew.

Today was the day I learned this by being honest. I'm feeling better now because I was honest. Thankfully, my husband prays too. (did I just call this person my husband??????) Anyway, we shall see, how things turn out. i don't know, but i'm not going to be a "b*&^*". It makes me ache too much.

[Whisperingsprings]

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

As for me, I will serve the Lord.

Grateful entry:
Today, I am grateful for truth, in increments. I am grateful that my God sooo good, so big so strong would breakdown information into bite-sized pieces that I can handle.

I am grateful for friends who try to be around during the tough times.

I am grateful for Mom's In Touch International. I have every intention of using this organization to help me grow closer to Christ and pray as a mother should for her children.

I am grateful for a place to verbalize my thoughts and work through them over time.

I am grateful that God gave me enough sense to know that He is the only true god.

[Whisperingsprings]

porn doesn't really seem to be much of a problem anymore for me. Lesbianism doesn't have as much of a hold anymore.

Rejection . . . . confronting the rejection and working through it with God seems to be helping. Rejection still hurts. And, I have other things to work on as well.

So, it does appear that this will be my last entry for a longtime to come. Thank you for all your prayer support. It's time for me to find another place more suitable for the marriage issues, health issues, and child rearing.

I don't think I can thank anyone enough for supporting me through this part of the journey. I don't think I would have made it without you. Hugs today, and see you in heaven if I don't get to meet you here in person.

I'll always pop back in here to offer support and other places on CO to read jokes and things. I love a sense a humor. Please take care everyone.

whisp

[Whisperingsprings]

Just thought I would pop back in for a while. I'll be journaling again when I have time.

It's good to see many of you that I remember and I've noticed a few new names as well. Many hugs to everyone.

Feel free to drop by and read the journal anytime.

whisp

[mlg]

You have been missed...glad to see you back. luv ya bunches

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi mlg.


Brief update:

In counseling with spouse.

Navigating hazardous relationship with someone else.

Children are okay.

Oldest child on the Honor Roll.

Youngest child, learning how to meet his needs better. Not working as many hours, this was requested by youngest child. This is helping with number 2.

Open more to dealing with pain of marriage in bits and pieces. Avoiding this issue is how I got to number 2.

Spouse is willing to change and showing desire/efforts to change. This does and doesn't affect number 2. Very strange and difficult to explain but true nonetheless.

In the end, trying to reconnect with Christ to navigate my situation more
head on. This is helping everything.

[mlg]

Hi hun you know how they say...God always gives us a way out of those hazardous situations...I mean instead of us having only one door to open...there's always a second? So the question becomes...do we stay behind door #1 or do we go ahead and open the second and take the way out? Guess it really depends on how much we want to please God or please ourselves huh?

Prayers for you.

luv ya lots

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi hun you know how they say...God always gives us a way out of those hazardous situations...I mean instead of us having only one door to open...there's always a second? So the question becomes...do we stay behind door #1 or do we go ahead and open the second and take the way out? Guess it really depends on how much we want to please God or please ourselves huh?

Prayers for you.

luv ya lots

My last post was brief - mlg.

I've been working on taking the other door - I've been successful, thus far. Actually, I've chosen to go through humiliation self abasement etc, to stay out of trouble. I have people I don't know and some I don't particularly even like holding me accountable for my actions. I've chosen to allow myself to held accountable by non-Christians who've been cheated on as well as people who do believe in Christ. I didn't have time to post all the details. I still don't right now!

I will post more details over time. For anyone who wants to read or perhaps for just me - staying accountable. Checking in. Will continue to do so.

[mlg]

Hi sis...looking forward to hearing more...

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!!! ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!!!!





Got the message this morning. I got my old job back!!!!!!!!!! Actually, what I am getting is better. I don't have to work with the same individuals anymore because I will be on nights!!!!!!!! Did I mention a pay raise?!! It isn't much but it is something - it is a blessing





It is so difficult not to type this in all caps right now, I am sooooo excited and happy. ALL the pain, ALL the work. The struggles . . . . the shame yet staying accountable!!!!!!!!!




Praise be to MY GOD!!!!!! He never tires. He sits on the throne and hears my cries. He sees my faults and sticks with me anyway. Even He is slow to judge my actions. He examines my heart and knows my pain and disappointment as no other person could. He provides for my family. (I am still the only one working and the bills are being paid though slowly, we are still okay!!!!)

PRAISE BE TO MY GOD!!!!!

[mlg]

Praise God for He is faithful to those who love Him...and He knows you do sis...He has answered your prayers and blessed you...He always works things out.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

oh and I get to go to church tomorrow. And I was a more productive though sinful struggling person. I confessed my situation tonight to my other girlfriend. She didn't flinch or budge. She sat with me. We discussed the tools Ihad been using so far to stay safe. We also discussed what God was doing to help me. She was very supportive. I'm so grateful to her.

As far as the employment stuff, she was happy for that of course.

It's the ability to be transparent and confess those sins, struggle anyways and have victory through the pain.

Is the pain of my marriage ever going to go away? I don't know. Tonight, I only know that my God is good. Tonight, that is enough.