Springs, streams, and rushing rivers: whisp blog

[Whisperingsprings]

Whisperingsprings

The financial queries have increased. The depth of this situation seems to get deeper as I wade through it. I don't know why he made these choices. I don't know the extent of the choices made either. The sum of money missing is mind boggling to me.

I need to find a counselor for me and a marriage therapist for us. I don't think that he wants to find a marriage therapist for us. He isn't providing any ideas on how to work through this. I think he just wants it to all go away. But, I can't really do that and I don't think that I should.

As I started looking through the old bank statements, I felt funny. Even now when I think about it I feel nauseous, anxious, and sick. It is a large sum of money.

I'm working alot to make up for the days pay that I missed a few weeks ago.

Why am I feeling sick each time I think about this situation? I feel more ill each time I unearth a new fact or question. And the questions don't seem to end. It's time to get some serious help. It's time to call on some old girlfriends and discuss my situation with them. I hate to call this deception at this point but I'm running out of ideas. I think my pastor just called my situation deception and lying from the pulpit 2 weeks ago. I haven't had the time to think about it though. I've been working alot. Soo much so that my body hurts. I slept for almost 36 hours.

I don't know what I am emotionally.

[mlg]

For you my sister...the verses of a song I like...that reminds me no matter what we are going through...our soul can still be well and whole.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

My prayers contine for you sis. God's will be done.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

My nerves are fried.

I'm definitely going to take my medicine and go back to bed. I don't need an ulcer but I can certainly feel the acid in my stomach.

I missed work last night. I can't miss tonight too.

I went through the finances carefully. I thought I had located all the money and had it all accounted for. I was feeling more confident about my spouse being truthful etc.

After a night's sleep, I realized that I hadn't accounted for several other additions are one large subtraction. The conclusion is that approximately 10K is still missing and there are out of state transfers.

The good thing was that I stayed away from the vodka - don't drink anyway. Instead, I turned to the chocolate icing.

I am the only one pushing for this marriage to work. I am the one working with the finances. I am the one pushing him to find a therapist etc. I am the one pushing. don't know how much longer I can or want to do this.

[mlg]

A big to start off the day...patience my dear sister...patience is what is going to get you through this...not letting it all worry you...knowing that you can only do what you can do and letting God handle it for you.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

mlg thank you for the supportive replies.

God helped me locate the final 10K. I now know that he didn't spend the money on porn or prostitutes or something illegal.

This has NOT been nice. Being covertly untruthful is still LYING!!!!! And to do this for a year . . . . is more than irritating. Satan sashays right on in the door with more confusion, sickness ensues, and havoc breaks out in everyone's physical wellbeing.

Time lost, trust jacked-up . . . .

. . . and now to rebuild . . .

Sometimes it isn't a matter of whether to rebuild.

It's a matter of who wants to do the work and work hard for beauty.

[mlg]

Well I am truly glad you have found the last sis...I know that was really bothering you...so now as you said...time to begin again...on whatever path God has for you. God's got a plan...

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

The husband is ?trying?

Dang, I wish I knew what to call his actions. Especially since the actions were forced and not willing.

That's why God gives us free will, though. He wants us to love Him for who He is and not just because we have to love Him. To love just because, we've gotten to know God's character, not because He gives good gifts. To love because, He breathes and likes to giggle, not because He is the One who breathes life.

He wanted me to love Him just because He is present. He wants everyone to love Him just because He is present and exists. Well, at least that is the way I see the situation. And this view helps to take the focus off the marriage right now, so I'm sticking with it.

I'm also going to find some chocolate somewhere .

[mlg]

Make it dark chocolate

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

found the dark chocolate . And it was gooooood.

Closing ceremonies for Little League today. It was hot out there. I think the ceremonies should be at the pool next year . And all the sponsors, dang just give those people some true heart felt thanks, applause and awesome icecream sundaes or have the kids host a dinner for them. But make the thanks quick for the kids and please, get'em outta there. Otherwise it turns into a cat hearding experience . Kids can't sit too long. Especially 100 or so of them, outside, with bottles of water and what not . . . .

My favorite was the kid using his gatorade to cool-off .

Well, gotta go. Off to the batting cages then parties.

[mlg]

Have a great time sis...my daughter has a singing competition tonight..so I'm gonna be out in the heat as well shortly. Awww but the kids keep us young for sure.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

@mlg: So how was the singing competition? Did you have fun?

The 2 parties yesterday were great. Today I made funfetti cake for the kids, took a nap, vaccuumed made dinner, picked up dishes . . . you know the routine. I enjoy being a wife and mom. it is what it is sometimees though.

Hubby is now going to a recovery group, which is good for his own well-being. He needs this for himself. Not for the kids and I . . . for himself.

The dog is fine. She chewing on a bone right now. As for me, I'm going to pay a couple of bills and go to bed. After my own addiction to playing sudoku . Thank goodness, this is a cheap addiciton financially.

As far as the time spent on this new addiction of mine (sudoku) . . . not so cheap. So, once again, I return here for accountability. I managed my time better today.

[mlg]

We did have fun whispering...she did well she came in second.

So hubby is now finding support...this is just awesome...

Do you know Jesus loves you sis? He does...He really does.

And I luv ya too