The Inner Child

[Dora]

This journey may be canceled due to a over look of a tiny box that didn't get checked. My fault apparently. Doesn't matter who's fault it is. Just stinks that it's mine.

Possibly Gods way of protection.

I have a peace of the past. It's the walk that causes me so much grief right now. So If the trip is canceled there is no decision to make if to take the walk or not.

As long as I'm in Gods will, it's all good.

[Lionhearted]

As long as I'm in Gods will, it's all good.

....as good as it gets!!

[Dora]

Cubby said the trip is a go.

Every time I think of preparing for it I feel nauseous.

[mlg]

That's because the emotions are trying to overwhelm you...keep your thoughts on what the Lord is about to do for you...and you won't feel so emotional.

Praying for you.

luv ya

[deetu]

Yes, remember that He was getting you ready with your walks and talks.
You will be fine. When in doubt, call on Jesus... He will already be there with you.

[Dora]

Thank you both.

Last night I considered my unforgiveness I carry towards others who I will see during this trip.

I can say I forgive them because I am not angry.
Yet I'm busy building up walls so to protect myself, just in case they once again allow the enemy to use them to harm me.
That's not forgiveness.
I listen in their voices for any sign they may want to voice their rejection of me, my family, or my walk through what happened long ago.
What about loving even your enemy, turning the other cheek, and forgiving just as I would want to be forgiven?
Gods way and my actions seem to be not in agreement.

What if they hurt me?
Better yet, what if they have grown and over come their old ways and I spend this precious time in defense and miss a blessing.
Even more important what If I continue on with my defense which is caused by remembering their actions of the past and I go against God.

Thank you for listening. For your prayers and advice. Love you all.

[deetu]

Piney, remember to go without any preconceived ideas of how they will act.
This will leave you more willing to receive what God is trying to do.

Whatever their reaction, it is theirs... not yours. You have God with you. You don't even need to convince them because that isn't your job. Keeping them free from your unforgiveness is you job. Not judging...
Not even convincing them it happened, you and God know it happened and this is your healing time...not theirs.

You can only be hurt if you let what they say hurt you. Instead of taking offense, pray for them. Don't let the enemy's lies come in to try to hurt you...redirect it into praise. That's what Jesus did, right?

I read that you know you have really forgiven someone when you see them and don't try to run away.

Don't forget to have Cubby read that stuff before you go. And reread it yourself...

You are good and worthy.

[Lionhearted]

hey pinella

What if they hurt me?
Better yet, what if they have grown and over come their old ways and I spend this precious time in defense and miss a blessing.
Even more important what If I continue on with my defense which is caused by remembering their actions of the past and I go against God.

lots of good questions sis, questions that cause you to walk in the reality of this life. God, however, wants you to walk in the reality of HIS world.

the "what if" question is always good for causing anxiousness in our minds and hearts ... for it causes us to look to the future, to what has not happened yet. there is nothing wrong with looking to the future to plan, but when it causes us to worry in any capacity, then it is suspect. i would venture that satan has his hand in this, and i say to him right now, "get behind Christ satan, you have no power here!"

you are on the right track sis, you need to keep binding satan back to where he belongs ... worrying about it will cause you, not so much to "miss" a blessing ... but perhaps to overlook it or not see it, because you are allowing yourself to focus on things other than His blessing.

again, "we push the enemy and all his demons back where they belong, and i join you in claiming this powerful Word of our Lord ... Behold! Jesus Christ Himself has given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you.

don't forget my sista, God hand picked YOU, Jesus personally died for YOU, and the Holy Spirit has marked and sealed YOU !

AND ... Jesus specifically prayed for US ... can you believe it!?! before you or i were even BORN ... He already anticipated this day and knew that you would need Him and that's why He prayed specially and specifically for US ... "And now ...

I am praying for them. I am not praying (requesting) for the world, but for those You have given Me, for they belong to You ... and

I do not ask that You will take them out of the world, but that You will keep and protect them from the evil one. ~ John 17

He has totally got your back sis!!!!



Lion

[Dora]

Hello precious brothers and sisters in Christ.

I keep trying to post what God has done.

It is so much and I'm still processing it all.

So this may come in bits and pieces.

A few of my fears were, my uncle would still be in the woods, I wouldn't be able to find where I was when I was a child, I lost a necklace one time and I as silly as it is requested God give it back to me, was afraid he wouldn't and I'd be disappointed, feared the spiritual warfare in that area, feared my families rejection and I feared I'd walk out of the woods thinking this was a waste of time. So I will begin by sharing how God worked in these things.

My uncle was doing his illegal business in these same woods, just recently. So the woods was dangerous. Until he was caught and picked up by authorities just days before I got there. Coincidence? I think not.

With the woods free from him and his danger I could go forward with my plan to place the crosses.

As far as finding the places, He walked me straight to them. Was amazing how he guided me!
The memories were hard to deal with in these areas and I felt physically the same as I did back when I was a child. Sick to my stomach, dizzy, or how ever I felt at that moment.

At the first cross I felt a strong wind come in and swirl around me. It's hard to explain how it felt as it was if the wind entered into me and swirled around my spirit, lifting it up. Then behind it came the faces of the men and the things that happened back then were so real. Even the area appeared to me as it did when I was a child. I had to return to one the next day to see for myself if it was just the same or if I had just perceived it as the same. It was not as it was 30 years ago. It was just my perception. The area at this particular spot looked battered. As if the tree near by had lives a very hard life. Even had a pale appearance to it.

The place where I had lost my necklace when my uncle had grabbed me I asked God if He was going to return to me the necklace. He told me to look at the area. It looked cursed. I saw in my mind the next area and it to looked cursed. To me this said God was there when I was a little girl, that he didn't like what was happening. That he cared enough to curse even the ground where I was hurt.

The next place was just as He had shown me. I feared returning here because the brush and trees were so thick. On Easter morning I found the forest to be the same, except this place. As if God took His hand and scooped out this place. There was nothing there, but trees laying flat. At the entrance was a pine tree. I placed the cross in front of it facing the road to minister to others. When I shared with those with me how brushy this place had been they were amazed at the difference. We all knew it was God that swept through and removed what was because of His wrath.

Most of my family didn't like me taking a walk on Easter morning and treated me like the worst of sinners. Surely I did not love the Lord if I were to miss church on Easter. It was difficult to go against all of them. They do not understand. I kept wishing and still do wish they could just let me do as I feel I need to and live free of judgment. This is where I am so thankful for my spiritual family here who accepts me just as I am and doesn't try to conform me to be who they think I need to be.

The devil met me in the woods me that day and followed me, trying to deter my thoughts from what the Lord had planned. I was becoming very frustrated and feared this path would be lost because of this presence. I was amazed at how he threw so much at me to try to get me off track. But God was there to show us the way, which was peaceful and full of mercy.

The spiritual warfare was strong and at times I left the area instead of putting on my armor and taking my stand. There were times I felt so oppressed I couldn't hold my head up. I just had to get out of there.

Oh my there is just so much more! I could type forever.

The whole walked seemed like it wasn't going to happen because I couldn't find a hammer. I didn't get permission to go on the property that once belonged to my grandmother. So I wasn't going to get to go to that place. One I felt most important to return to. I was frustrated. Then realized this was God journey. He was in control not me.

So we drove to the river to think and ponder what to do next. The Piney River. I took a deep breath as we crossed the bridge my dad held me over by my ankles. Did God have a plan in not being able to find a hammer? I believe so. As we parked cubby told me to find a rock that fit my hand. I chose two. One to toss off the bridge in the spot where dad help me over. I did so as I gave him more forgiveness. Letting go of what was.

The place we drove next was to my dads grave. God had showed me how he didn't know how much he was loved. God had showed me how I still held back my love for him. This is where the first cross was placed. Marked, Loved. After all the tears were shed a little dog came crawling up to me on his belly. Not to cubby, but to me. He crawled up into my lap and kissed my face. I was reminded how my dad was so good with animals. He could of been the animal whisperer.

The next stop should be beside my grandmas. The way I expected things to work was that I'd walk into the woods the way I went in back then as a child. Because I hadn't been able to contact the property owner for permission this wouldn't happen. Cubby suggested we go in the back side. This way was government owned and we needed no permission. So we did. While walking through the woods from this direction it dawned on me, I was walking the path this man that hurt me walked. After placing the cross and walking away I was becoming bitter and began asking how could this man hurt me like that. God said, "You just walked the same path he did." I was humbled. I hadn't hurt a child like he did, but I to am a sinner. I am no better than he is. We both need Gods grace. I was able to forgive and let go of the bitterness.

God had planned for me to walk this mans path. Later we received permission and I was able to see more. Grandmas house was burnt down. My uncles bedroom appeared to have received the most damage over the years. While the area I spent with my grandmother seemed to have received the least amount of damage.

I stood in the area of my uncles bedroom. Where he'd blow pot smoke in my face when I was just a young child. Making me high so he could do his thing. I asked what am I suppose to do with these memories and feelings. My eyes landed on a penny that had been burnt. The penny says in God we trust. Do I trust him with this? Hmmmmm. I've spent the week thinking, praying, and seeking more on this one.

Ok I've been typing for approximately 3 hours. Going to post before I loose it all! He showed me so much during this trip. God is so good. He loves us so much!

[Dora]

Also something else God did is I've been trying to learn to play the guitar. One song in particular was In The Garden.

I took my guitar and song book. Gave my song book to my mother and asked her to pick out a song she'd like me to play for her. With out her knowing what song I had practiced most she chose, you guessed it, In The Garden.

That was such a blessing to me.

[Lionhearted]

i'm so proud of you pine for doing this hard thing

you ARE awesome in your courage in Him!! what an encouragement, thank you!

out of curosity, is that song "in the garden" by cindy morgan?

[Tam]

woooooooohoooooooo Pine
So glad you made this journey and that God showed you just how much He did love you