Christianity Oasis Forum

[harmonizer]

God Bless All,

My wife and I have been together since 1995. We married in 2004. We are both Christian.

Lately, marriage life has been put to the test EXTREEMLY. I know that I need to change, but it's very hard to be selfless sometimes. I have been through the counseling steps, going to indivdual counseling BUT I don't think at times it's working. The truth is, no matter what I hear, read, or think, I have to still change. I want to express SO much, but I am on empty emotionally. Spiritually, I'm hurting. The only pray I feel to pray is God help me to Love my wife seflessly, more. The funny part about all of this is that my wife is a Master's level Christian Counselor with an emphasis in Marriage and Family. Could you believe that?

It hurts me to hear her say that I don't take care of her when shes sick. Truthfully, there was a time that I was so lookig forward to spring break (I teach) and I needed the R@R. Well, she was sick for the whole week and I took care of her, but I was angry.

It hurts me to hear her say that she feels that she has no "covering" spiritually. Truthfully, I have difficulty being on one accord with my wife spiritually. We both love the Lord. No doubt. I just don't feel as strong spirtually as she is. The bible says that the Man should be the priest of his home. That's true. It's just that I have a strong women of God...who just happens to have a bad temper. She's very defensive, sensitive, very manipulative (majored in Psycology) has a very strong will and pentacostal.... ...I trully love her, it's just that I have to change some of my ways. I could describe myself here, also, but I don't want to justify why I am the way that I am. I'm trying to be sefless.

There's lots more to this story and I hope to post more either later or tommorow. Truth is, we both are hurting, in a very bad situation. Going/gone to counseling...seeking God...Patience and Longsuffering

[Dora]

Hello Brother.

I feel your frustration and disappointment in your marriage and in your self.

If you asked to love her more...God will give. Watch as your love grows. When you say she is stronger spiritually does that mean she has stronger faith that God will provide? Faith can grow. It does grow. Each time we use it, it grows.

Do the two of you pray for you marriage together?

She is communicating with you. Are you communicating with her?

You've shared things she says you are lacking. It is my hopes she is communicating things you are strong in as well.

Focus on where you want to be, not where you are.

[Lionhearted]

hey brother, nice to meet you;

harmonizer said: The bible says that the Man should be the priest of his home.

i know i've heard this alot and it would seem to make sense; but i cannot find it in the Bible. could you let me know where it says this? i know a man is supposed to lead in the home ... and the woman is supposed to help him lead and rise to that position.

strong-willed women are a tough lot ... i know, because i is one

i would suggest that you press into God during this time, and search what He would have you do.

remember that its not flesh and blood that you are fighting against (altho, it seems like it) ... you are fighting against satan, who is the real enemy of your marriage. satan HATES marriage for it is the direct representation of Christ and His bride for the world to see; satan loves nothing more than to see the disintegration of one marriage after another.

i will be praying for your marriage brother

[mcpeak]

Harmonizer. Wow. We have so many things in common, you and me. I too have a very strong willed wife and am having much trouble these last few years just hanging on. We communicate and I truly believe we both are doing all in our power to overcome the issues but after such a long time with little to no change I feel so totally hopeless. We too have gone thru it all. Professional counseling, church counseling, many step programs and thousands of hours of prayer for ourselves and each other begging God to help us. Through all of the counseling and prayer we have progressed some but honestly to me it has been more on a individual level and not in a way that has brought us closer together but more so in a way that took us closer to God ourselves. In the beginning I felt that if we individually drew closer to God that we would naturally get closer to each other. That did not and has still not happened. I do not know why and like you I do not in any way blame my wife alone for the issues. I know I am part to blame. I have also prayed begging God to show me a sign if it was even His will for us to stay together wondering if that was the problem. I make it a point to find a quiet place pretty regular and am still, listening as hard as I can but, nothing. I do feel that God does not expect anyone to live the rest of their lives miserable. He's a loving God. I have learned many lessons along the way. Humility, patience, perseverance, sacrifice and feel I have grown spiritually because of the fact I did not give up and so far have hung in there with her. But my brother I wonder, how long does God wish for us to live this way. Married yet completely alone to a big degree in my case. Where is one suppose to draw the line? I do know that I feel I am the closest I've ever been to that line and it feels like the survival instincts are kicking in. Run or die (spiritually). I wish so bad that God would show us a sign, anything but it appears He does not wish to. I look for the answer in the Bible. There I find the things that keep me sane and moving forward but still nothing that provides that secret key to unlock the gigantic door that stands tall between her heart and mine. I pray for you my brother. Above all that I can give for advise is for you to never give up. Not on yourself, or on God. Who knows what our future holds for us and our wives but I am solid as a rock sure of my future with Christ Jesus. Good luck my brother and may God shower you with the blessings you need to make it one more day.

[Lionhearted]

Above all that I can give for advise is for you to never give up. Not on yourself, or on God. Who knows what our future holds for us and our wives but I am solid as a rock sure of my future with Christ Jesus.

amen ... never say die!!

i believe it is the position of scripture that the husband is supposed to have the authority and the wife to have the power. in order for that to work, both spouses must do their own parts, bringing them together ... as one that has cleaved.

do not leave brother, that will lead you down the path of the hard-hearted; Jesus said thats the reason for a divorce is because ... "your hearts were hard"

you can take back your authority in love, it is possible to exercise servant leadership. you be 100% for your part in the marriage and you let God deal with your wife for her 100% ... in essence you be the best husband that you can be; be the kind of husband that you believe that God wants you to be ... and you leave your wife in God's hands.

in prayer for both your marriages