HURTING

[Tam]

Are you hurting? Does the pain seem to much for you to bear? You do not have to carry it alone. There are those of us here who have tried to carry things ourselves. Saying that we have given them to our Father when actually we are holding on to them because we really don't know how to give them up! I have been hiding behind some walls myself as I have been telling you how to get free. Well it is time that we put some action to our words. It is time we stop talking so big and begin to feel what it is we need to feel and come out!
I challenge you to join me in this step to freedom.
We can do this together. God is waiting for us to reach out to him. Lets take each others hand and walk towards the light.
I love you guys and I am going to be open and honest with you . NO more walls.
Lets come out of the dark! Won't you take the first step and join me?

[foreverHis]

yipeeeeeeeeeeeee Tam...thats so good to hear, the enemy LOVES things kept in the dark, cause he then can torment you with it, but he can no effect if it is all in the open..you go girl....

[Dora]

And now you have one more piece to the puzzle.
You know what they are going through and can feel what they feel.
Understanding gives patience.
Now you can be more patient with others who are where you were.

It's a lighter walk when you don't have to keep checking the safety of the walls you've built.
It's a much more fun walk when the walls are gone and friends can walk beside you.
God loves you dear one and so do I!
I think of you often. And I smile.

[Tam]

ty forever and yes Pine
I have hidden for years behind abuse. It hurts, it is embarrassing and you want keep it a secret. You don't want people to know what was done to you because then you fear that they won't like you or they will talk bad about you so you close yourself off and hide. Instead of running to the ones who can help us, we run from them and go it alone. NO FUN.
When my abuse first started I was a young child. I can remember telling my parents about it and then go sailing through the wall because why would I choose to lie about my grandfather like that? Little kids can not make up lies in detail like that unless they have been exposed. So I went for years carrying that secret along and wondering why me, what makes me different? On the outside I was no different but on the inside I was torn up but had to be tough and not let you see me cry.
It became a game with my grandfather, one that I didn't enjoy. One that I dreaded every weekend, but out of love for my grandmother I chose to play it. Was I wrong, no I was but a child and he was an adult. I wanted to go and see my grandmother but not to play his games. Do I blame myself? I did when I got older because then I was the one that was doing the driving to go over there and I was older then. The blame game had taken hold on my. It was all my fault that it kept going. NOT TRUE
Since that time I have forgiven my grandfather with God's help and I have began to forgive myself.
I am beginning to see that life beyond walls may be really neat. A live that I have never known but am willing to take the chance to get to know it a little better.
To actually feel the embrace of someone, to feel what it means to be loved the right way and to know that I am no different than any other person out there but that God made us all the same. We all feel , in different ways, but we all feel. To feel a tear roll down my face and not run and hide to cry, to feel the gently touch of a childs hug and to want to give it back in return, to not be a hard wall that someone is hugging. WOW maybe that is what we feel when our heavenly Father loves on us.
The ole so gently I have you in my hands touch.
Life beyond walls, hmmmmmmmm

[Lani]

YAY Tam!!!!!!!!!! You go girl. Papa's work through you and your healing are always awesome to witness.... all because of the master behind the work. Can't wait to see where this journey leads... You know I am walking with ya girl


Smiley... sis

It takes time... but ya know something girl... I've seen much growth in you as well. The closer you get to Him, the harder the enemy tries to pull. One by one, others will earn your trust, as time allows and as He leads Before you know it, the love that surrounds you will be so strong, so amazing, so empowering that you will be ready to step beyond those walls completely. Because the love I speak of is His love through us, your family in Christ, and it is without limits and full of promise.

We are all here, together, travelling through the crud of this world, no better or worse, for we all have sinned, and likely will again.

The glorious thing about our Father's plan... He loves us (period). He is ever patient and always ready to accept us back when we come to Him.

Together we are stronger... so honored to be walking with y'all.

Luv ya!

[morningrain]

Tam i know the feeling, have many walls still up myself. But think for the first time i'm actually beginning to break a few of them down. It all started with trusting a very select few and that wasn't easy to do. Does help us understand where others are coming from and what and how they feel.

[Tam]

Yay! angel keep letting those walls down sis

[Dora]

Ummmmm I think I'm doing pretty good.

So leave my wall alone.

At this moment they are a bit see throughish. At least they feel that way. I can see out but others can't see in. Maybe I'm just fooling myself.

I mean come on! If I had no walls I'd be vulnerable.
Must control my surroundings!

Gee how I'd love to erase that and make it into a form that is more teaching others than showing my own lack.

I'm not even sure what my walls are.

I'm kinda happy the way things are.

Ok kinda sort of um well I smile on occasion when I am distracted from myself.

I haven't been to see the counselor in months.
She seems to poke at me with tooth picks. Well not really but, feels like it. Kinda like someone here who wants me to talk about my walls. Put your tooth pics away people and quick poking me. Can't ya see I've got everyone under control. It's all organized in it's nice little boxes and stacked neatly in the closet. Can't it just stay there.

Feels kinda like being in a straight jacket with out the actual jacket. So I guess if even the thought of looking into the closet makes me want a drink then maybe I really am fooling myself. I just hate those moments of looking at them and then falling and the tears and the pain.

Ok I'm done for the day.

[Tam]

Ok guys it has been awhile because I have not been able to get in .
OH MY are the walls back up and bigger than usual. Gotta let them down, gotta learn to trust, gotta love. Can't be that hard right?
Just let go and give it to God? How
Just Trust God? How
when it is something you have know all your life, how do you let go of it?
All the words you were told that you hear everyday in your mind.....how do they disappear?
We are all faced with these questions. I wish I had the answers but my friend I don't I just know what have we got to loose. It is dark and lonely in there. Gotta be better on the outside Right?
your turn.......

[Lionhearted]

hi ladies

my walls were my "armour" ... they kept me "safe" and "protected" ... and alone. kinda reminded me of simon and garfunkels "i am a rock, i am an island:

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

~~~~~~~

i think, ... i got tired of living life on the "outside" looking in. nope, that doesn't sound right; let me try again ... you can either BE a little girl, or you can ACT like a little girl; yes, thats more to the truth.

i lived as two people. the real me ... safely on my island, protected; that no one really knew. then the fake me ... the person that survives everywhere else. it got to be tooo much energy, ... carrying all these different masks around ... i mean, i had to be one person at home, another person for friends that weren't saved ... yet, another person at church .... *shakes head* ... almost put myself in the nuthouse.

basically, i only allowed myself to BE ... what other people found acceptable ... because the real me .... OH NO .... no body could see her; and really, when you are whatever everyone wants ... everyone likes you!! how perfect is that huh

hmmm.. just thought of something: it used to be soooo bad with my walls up to "hide" ... if i knew someone was coming by ... the house had to be spotless, all the kids in order, and i had to be perfect as well; and i would usually be so sick with anxiety that i would get physically ill ... i mean, your home reveals about you right? ... when you let people in your home they might learn something about you ... and we couldn't have that. then the whole time they were there i was sneakily watching the clock for them to leave ... so i could throw up and go to bed, because thats were i always ended up after company.

it was very freeing to learn that the very things that i was trying to hide; and the things that satan lead me to believe were bad about myself ... were the very things that God wanted to use.

you know, lots of you ladies right here have been used by the Lord with that.

i loves you gals

[Tam]

Walls......what are walls? Do we all have them? Do you enjoy the lonliness that they provide you with? Are you really content being closed in?

A wall is a usually solid structure that defines and sometimes protects an area.

What area of your life are you trying to protect? Are you really protecting yourself or hurting yourself?

Please share...

[Dora]

Lionhearted shared a beautiful description about how when things happen in our life it's like a ring in the growth of a tree. And the triggers are when the enemy sticks his fingers in and touches one of those growth rings. Did I get that right Lion?

It's bad enough having the enemy poking in on them, let alone to become vulnerable and allow others to poke a finger in as well. Which has happened and each time it does, the wall grow higher and thicker and stronger.