Christianity Oasis Forum

[Whisperingsprings]

How do I manage my emotions when my spouse seems to be interested in not caring for their health. My spouse is a diabetic. The blood glucoses are not in consistent control. My spouse now is at home full-time due to unemployment not health. They have had a gastric surgery to help with weight management however, I am noticing that they aren't willing to fight and struggle through the emotional hurdles to learn how to care for their own health.

This is not a new problem. This has been going on for a long long long time. I have already grieved the loss of my spouse as it seems that they won't survive some of these decisions.

Before anyone says anything about miraculous healing or God can change him, it isn't going to happen. I'm not being a pessimist by any means. I am watching God move in my employment situation to help me provide for my family as sole provider.

Intimacy is very difficult for me as I feel that my spouse has already chosen to die versus stay with us. I suppose the correct wording is abandonment.

Our life is a spiritual facade because the pastors in our church keep sending us cards to check-in but no one ever responds. The cards were originally sent to my spouse so I never felt the liberty to write anyone and tell them what was going on.

Now I don't know what to do. Since the spouse has been home, our children are now less healthy than before. I work nights and don't have the emotional energy to fight all the battles with the spouse for keeping our children healthy.

It is imperative that I stay level headed; because I must keep my job.

Any wisdom about how to navigate my situation would be appreciated. Especially scripture that you have used that God has given you. I would also like some examples of how God used that particular scripture in your life that is if you don't mind. You could always pm me with the example if posting it would be too difficult.

Thank you in advance.

[comfy]

Hi, Whispering Springs . . . I'm Bill . . . very glad to meet you . . . others should be along to share with us about this. Thanks for stopping by . . . hoping to see you again and again and again

I have shared with a number of ladies who are overweight and diabetic. And I have gotten the treatment of how they don't change and may keep getting heavier. I see that it is a person's personality with one's ways that just are not going to change . . . unless God makes the changes needed.

And one thing that has been so good for me is how God notified me how I can not straighten out anyone as well as He can So, my criticizing and ideas about how someone needs to get straightened out . . . is not anywhere close to how God is able to straighten out someone. So, I can have such rest, and trust each person to God, for how He is able to straighten out anyone.

And be how God can have me become for marriage and other relating . . . so that I am ready and able to be and relate the way You, LORD, have me sharing and caring with any person. And if I become how I can be in Your loving, this can spread to make others the same way, and this has me able to connect with really Christian people who are like this. So . . . even if one of my lady friends does not change to treat herself right, and may be playing games with me . . . I invest in becoming how God can correct and heal me to be . . . so this can spread to her. And trust God about this, about if she is helped or not > even if someone close to me does not get corrected, God can have me being good for others > I always should trust God and be satisfied with however He does include me in His good for people.

There are ones who do not change, at least it can seem; but there are others I see growing and I can be with them and they minister me into being more in the Holy Spirit. So, I'd say you can be positive about what is possible with God with your spouse . . . while you are sharing with really Christian people who are ministering for you to become more real and honest in God's love. And as you yourself get more real, this *can* spread to your spouse . . . while spreading to make others how God is able to have us become.

Have you considered 1 Peter 1:1-4 ? First, we are about being pleasing to God in His love's "incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." And the power of this in us is almighty to spread to effect others. And as God does this with you, then you are encouraged and you can be encouraging with your spouse, and not let your spouse's negative stuff and being "impossible" decide how you are. But be ruled by how God's peace decides and guides in you "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Oh . . . your children. Be as strong as you can in love, and show your children how you love your spouse, so they can have your example for finding out how to love. And if your spouse can help them get sloppy with their diet . . . I'd say you two can deal with this > it's your relationship, with however you two would be able to handle this. Maybe you can talk with your spouse about if your spouse wants to support you in encouraging the children to eat well. And maybe you would not be saying things to criticize your spouse, in doing this, but just point things out to your children, and maybe admit you adults are older and have developed some habits you would do well to change, and they while younger might be able to do better than you and this would be good if they do this. And tell them you love them, but you're older with set ways that with age are harder to change?

I have hope you can pray and with God find out better things than I would tell you

[Whisperingsprings]

thanks comfy.

i will check out that verse. it seems that i am responsible for the parenting this morning as well. which hey, i suppose that's okay. he typically does more of the parenting just because he is home full-time now.

the diet thing . . . .

well, i check-out the verse. This is a very big problem. Even the physicians have said this. I've already been to 2 different therapists regarding this issue. One let me know that I need to plan for the future: for the kids and I. The other one who has known me since I was pregnant with one of the kids, basically asked to hear what the plans were.

My closest friends have also said likewise. Again, this is an ongoing issue. Nothing new.

Regarding the kids . . . . well . . . please pray.

[Sylvia49]

Whispering Springs (love that name!),

My husband is diabetic and overweight, with other health problems. He is now in ICU w/tripple by-pass surgery brought on by all of this. He was in denial or didn't care about his health, and I couldn't convince him otherwise.

I, too, felt abandoned by the one I love. I agree most heartedly with the Scriptures given. And I, too, have been counseled to make my own plans.

The most important thing here that I had to do was to forgive my husband. I cannot be his personal Holy Spirit, I can only be responsible for myself. I cook and plan meals to be as healthy as possible, and if he decides to eat unhealthfully, I have to accept his decision. All I can do is love him with God's love.

When I forgave him, I was able to be intimate again. I may be the only Jesus he will ever see, as the saying goes. I am trying to make his time on this earth as pleasant as possible. He is an adult and responsible for his own decisions. I have to accept that, as hard as it is to do so.

Stay in prayer, in the Word and trust God that He will be with you, no matter what happens. He loves you and knows what you're going through, and He hurts with you.

[comfy]

While I was visiting my mother's man friend, I got to know a woman who claimed to be Christian, and she had adult-onset (type 2) diabetes. And she would talk about the Lord and Bible, but did not seem to be making progress controlling her eating. And ones will say they can't help it, that it's a physical disorder and nothing can be done about it. But I'm hearing and reading that doctors are telling people they can do better. Like I say . . . I think it's a personality thing, of how one's personality has a person relating with food. I keep hearing what I find to be a *personality* telling me why someone keeps eating too much, can't say no to treats and chocolate, etc. So, I think it's a deeper than physical thing, of not being able to say no to the pleasures of food. When we are not being kept by the power of God's love and this is mixed with not being deeply satisfied in this love . . . we can give in to desperation to wanting to feel alive and have pleasures and excitement. I'd consider the diabetes problem to be what comes when ones specialize in food pleasures . . . while others of us can go after impure stuff, unnecessary excitement, shopping vainly, unforgiveness, and whatever. In my case, I can give in to impure stuff and criticizing in order to feel superior to others. So, we all have sin problems that we more or less fail to get rid of, I'm considering. But I am satisfied a Christian can be expected to make progress and do better and better.

So . . . when my ladies show up the same weight or bigger after even years > I'm not buying this. But I may not even say anything, but just be loving and in the word so I can be spreading how to be in God's love which is the only way that can help any of us get better control and be loving better and better. So, this is the main investment I make in each relationship > trust God to have me be relating the way He wants in His love, so I am how I need to be, whether the other does better with me or not > still, with each one keep having hope > love "hopes all things", we have in 1 Corinthians 13:7. God has not given up on me; so I understand I am never to give up on any person, at all.

I did some Net research about type 2 diabetes. It is a problem of how sugar piles up in the blood so much that the sugar is a poison that drives the body to make dangerous substances which can damage kidneys, nerves, eyes, and blood vessels. But . . . if someone starts eating less sugar, then this sugar poisoning gets cut back. And if the person succeeds at exercizing and losing the fat, this can bring the person to where he or she does not even use the insulin or whatever, any more. Because, ones understand, that overweight fat is producing substances that tell the body not to accept that sugar. And this is part of why the sugar is piling up in the blood, then poisoning the body's chemistry. If that fat is removed, it is no longer telling the body not to use sugar, and so then the insulin or whatever is not needed.

My mother married a man who was diabetic. She was a stickler. I'd say she *made* him eat right. He lost the excess weight, then did not need insulin. But she was a fighter and could stay on your case. And they had the relationship to do that, I guess. But that was forcing, maybe. And I'd say he was maybe not abusive about her staying on his case. Other guys or women could become very nasty and abusive if they were pressured and constantly pushed to eat right.

I'd say it is a spiritual warfare issue, of one being driven for pleasure, and the spirit driving the person will not take no for an answer and will be nasty about not getting the pleasure that spirit wants to feel through the human's body. My scripture > Ephesians 2:2, with how Jesus said people wanted to do the desires of the devil > John 8:44 > even if the devil is not our father, his spirit can drive us with his emotions for his desires for pleasure, I consider > this goes for me, too, but not right now with overeating, I would say > my problems don't show as overweightness but self-righteously judging people is one of the evil things that Jesus spoke against the most strongly. Also, we have Ephesians 6:12 > "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

But . . . this means my own criticizing and impure pleasure seeking would be spiritual warfare problems. So, I should not be too fast to criticize ones overweight, but I need to concentrate on how I need to be better with God. But . . . I understand we can expect a Christian to make progress with whatever each of us has for problems. But, "it could be me" > if I can give in to a wrong spirit for wrong pleasures of one sort and to criticizing, then I suppose I could be giving in to things that are problems for others, and we have Galatians 6:1 >

"Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." So - - - we need to watch ourselves, because even we who are *spiritual* can "also" be tempted. I notice, here, again the *gentle* spirit, which we saw in 1 Peter 3:4. In the gentleness of Jesus, and His humility, we have the almighty power of Jesus to effect and restore any person, at all, out of "any trespass". So, you can do this with God. Of course, there are ones who refuse, but this is possible. And if you are not really spiritual, yourself, like we need to be > I'd say we do have real Christians we can share with and get their help . . . of their example (1 Peter 5:3) of how to be in love, and how they know the word for correcting us, and make you and your spouse a "project" of ones who are for real, who will know how to handle this Offer yourself for being honest with God, and keep at this, and see how He takes care of you . . . with keeping hope for your spouse > even if your spouse goes down, your dealing honestly with yourself and getting strong in love that won't give up on anyone will make you able to connect with the really Christian people of God's Family, and be able to help others though they are not your spouse.

[Whisperingsprings]

sylvia49,

Thank goodness you checked in.

So here's the deal, yes, I'm pretty much in the same boat, only without the triple bypass so far. Will probably be getting there pretty soon though. Oh well, what can ya do.

I have been shopping for his urn though. I mean seriously, what the *&( am I supposed to do. We already have the congestive heart failure, both the left and the right, which I can hear on occassion. He's better since the weight loss surgery though, I do have to admit. He's lost enough weight that he isn't kicking from the apnea during the night. Yes, that was with using a CPAP.



We have 2 kids together ages 7 and 9. One of which has special needs. If God had not helped me to work with the children so much when they were younger and I was home more, I don't know what would have happened to our kids. Thank goodness, I was diligent during that time, Sylvia. Our special needs child still has a helper in the classroom and needs extra attention but overall, that child is doing well.

And then the money/financial discipline issue . . . you know that is easier to turn a "blind eye" to than the health issues. Heck, I've been poor before. I can be poor again. But, poor, single parenting, and paying off all the bills due to health issues, all while he's still alive and very sick.

I've already told him that the kids are going to take care of him while I'm at work. Soooo he's been warned. He does live in denial like your spouse though. Oh well, what can you do.

At least I was warned ahead of time. For that I am very grateful. I can't imagine living in denial to my situation and then all of the sudden I feel "surprised" by all that has happened in my home. I want to be able to have warned my children the entire way through this so that they won't be terribly surprised, and will understand how to navigate through the experience somewhat. I'm trying to be sure that they have roots and wings now because I can't afford to wait untill it's too late.

Yet the stress of handling all this responsibility is pretty high at times. Not all the time. Just sometimes.

Thank you sooo very much for responding. I know that scripture says not to feel alone because there are others in the body of Christ who are going through the same thing. You are the first living proof of this for me with regard to this situation. Thank you for your transparency.

Even though what we share is unfortunate, my load is now lighter. Anytime you need to vent, I'm right here. I don't judge too much of anything, so feel free to pm me anything and everything. I've probably either been down the same road of thought or know of someone who has. Again, no topic is off limits for me. pm me anytime. Thanks again for posting.

[Whisperingsprings]

Hi comfy,

Sorry, I didn't respond immediately to your post. Thanks again, honestly. I do appreciate the scripture and the thoughtful feedback.

Actually I appreciate both equally. Sometimes it's hard to post something difficult then check back to find that several people read the post but didn't comment. Even when I know that I know many many people are praying for our family. It's still hard not to have the oh wow someone read what I said and took the time to process what I wrote, and carefully respond. That is a gift. Thanks.

Sincerely,
whisp

[Mackenaw]

Hello Whisperingsprings,

God bless you this day.

Please do not allow the "numbers" of those reading your post vs "numbers" of responses concern you. The responses you received were pretty awesome, and covered a lot.

I have found that even the most Holy Spirit filled Christians have lots of carnal opinions. But when we are seeking comfort and inspiration, it's best not to hear tons of opinions, because it can add to any confusion that we might be going through.

I highly suggest you read the 14-Day Counseling Study. It's awesome, and it is Holy Spirit inspired and relies heavily on The Word of God. Here's the link: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

You are going to find some awesome insight through the Study, itself, and in the responses, as you go along. Remember, patience is key.

I have read your posts, a couple times. I have been praying for you. I do have a question -- how long have you and your husband been married? and did he have health issues when you were dating and newly married?

I'm female, by the way, and married 36 years, and I love The Lord, and I'm so happy that He led you here.

May God bless you and keep you.
In His love,
Sister Mack

[Whisperingsprings]

doing the math here . . . . .

hmmmmm, together for 14 years, married for 13.

ahhh, did i know about the health issues before hand? yes, i did. i knew i couldn't change that per se, but i didn't know that he wouldn't choose self discipline. especially considering his background, which required alot of self-discipline.

one might think, "gee ya shouldn't have married him then. you knew what was up." yeah, you're probably right. i shouldn't have ever married the guy.

however, He's really a great guy. I'm talking very nice. I've had other women hit on him because he's so nice. He makes great babies, too. And i think the world needs more of his genetics, to be quite honest. He's intelligent - kind of a geek; mild mannered and extremely gentle. He's a gentle giant. Big man.

Actually, most men can't hold a candle to this guy. And most of my female friends agree. They like him better than their own husbands.

I guess that's why I am sooooo upset and hurt. If I lose this guy and our boys lose their dad . . . . . . . .

I've been told about the 12 step program on here before. I stumbled into something last night where people were journaling their progress or something from reading something ???????? Not quite sure what that was all about, but I stay pretty open so I'll see.

Regarding those who read versus those who post: I feel the prayers either way. If I didn't make that clear early sorry about that. Didn't mean to offend anyone.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Whisperingsprings

God bless you. Thank you for answering my questions, and for sharing some of the nice things about your husband too. It gives me a better idea of what your struggle is, and it will allow me to be more specific in my prayers for you and for him.

I would never question why you married him -- your testimony about him, says it all. He's a nice and gentle guy. Awesome!!!

I can't imagine you offended anyone with your comment about responses. I just know that the enemy of our souls can twist things, because he likes nothing better than to have us hesitate in seeking comfort and fellowship with others.

The Forum that you saw where people are doing a study and then journaling, is the very Study I gave you the link to. It's an awesome Study, and it has helped so many others -- including myself.

There are hundreds of blessed Studies on this site -- lots of wonderful Holy Spirit inspired studies that help us grow in our faith. The Lord is Good to help us.

Whisperingsprings, you continue in my prayers, and my thoughts.

God bless you.
Love,
Sister Mack

[comfy]

Hi, Whispering Springs . . . please take your time to answer anything I share. The people journaling their progress might be ones who are doing the counseling thing. Each day, they read one section and can write about how they are doing and get feedback. And there is a ministerial one, plus a marriage one.

[Whisperingsprings]

hi everyone,

anywhoosie, much much better today. even alot better than when i first found oasis. very grateful for sylvia's honesty it really helped alot. it touched my soul in a place no other information was able to touch. very cool. think i have a better handle on things now.

yes, comfy i have been controlling alot. don't know yet whether that has been good or bad. he's not maimed or anything from the diabetes yet, soooo, hmmmm. still thinking about that one. you gave good food for thought. thanks. and yes, i'm digesting the food you supplied not one drop of it is going to waste. Galatians 5:22-23

thank you for the link Ms. Mack. I'll probably be able to finally scoot on in there sooner than later now.

The picture of my situation is definitely becoming more clear, so thank you all. Gotta go and thank some other people too. have a good night everyone.