Christianity Oasis Forum

[Tam]

How much are we expected to take from our own family and where can you draw the line when there is a special needs child involved that does the abusing along with the husband? Even when you love this man dearly?
Kids need 2 parents in the home to care for them and I don't want to be another marriage that has ended in failure. Am I wrong?

[foreverHis]

Tam, my heart goes out to you, you are not wrong, and i do understand that you love this man and child, and yes also that you don't want your marriage to fail.
Just as it takes two parents to bring up children in an ideal situation, it also takes two to make a marriage....if only one is working at it, then it's like a plane with a broken wing...going round in circles getting no where..until the crash comes.
someone is the abuser, and someone is the victim...
now this can be worked out if the abuser is willing..many time they don't see anything wrong...
it's the blame game..we are not perfect by any means...but the abusers have an excuse and need to blame someone else for the way they are...

you ask where can you draw the line?

everyone's line is different...
in my case i stayed in my marriage..because i made that commitment to...but after lots of years of abuse...and know this that others would see him as gentle teddy bear person in all that time...

but then others started to be aware of what was going on ,and asked me...do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?
the answer was ..no..but I can't do anything about it
before God I thought it was my place to stay with my husband..no matter what..and yes deep down i loved him and thought i could never leave him or live without him..
but my self esteem was nil...i didn't know who i was any more...and thats because of always having to think about what to say..how to say it and when...


so my line was drawn then...up to when i did leave..i was too scared and just kept on keeping on...then i got a peace about leaving...but at the same time grieved because i did not want a failed marriage..and that part hurt me

but now i am at peace..my ex calls for coffee every now and again..we are still friends because i am who i am now..and i can be myself round him..but if i went back...I know it would be the same as it was...

now this is not to talk about myself....but merely to help you or anyone else that is in this situation...no marriage is beyond repair..that is the heart of God
but both parties have to be willing to work at it

love and god bless you