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Postby bisonfan » Sun Jun 21, 2009 5:51 pm

Today at church God really touched me between the music and the sermons I could not stop crying. Right before church I was talking to one of my friends who I trust and has been such a help during these trying times and I toldher how during the middle of this week I almost threw in the towel because I am so exhausted and I do not know how much more I can handle.

Then for the music we sang this song:

I Give You My Heart

This is my desire
To honor you
Lord with all my heart
I worship you
All I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

(Chorus)
Lord, I give you my heart
I give you my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me.

Repeat chorus

I give You my heart
I give You my soul.

and God started to really pull on my heart telling me that hw wanted me and so as I sang I cried out to God andtold Him that is is my desire and even though not there yet that this is where I want to be.

Then the message was on Hebrews 12:4-13 and the discipline of God how it is not really about punishment but chislingto make youmore like Him and if He did not love me and I was no one of His children then He would not do it. There was the emphasis that everything is planned, and all for good and never give up the race. And by them I was in tears because I knew how hard I was struggling with everything and I realized that I am one of God's children and I need patience no matter how hard this battle is. So here I go to keep running the race I will not let these circumstances sop me from becoming who God wantsme to be. I know there maybe a lot more pain and maybe more hospitilizations and other dark times but I will not give up and let this control me.

I have also asked my pastor if someone i can ask a few questions to who is female about spiritual issues that I am dealing with so that I have not only secular counselor and secular psychiatrist but I may have help with the unforgiveness, lack of faith and lack of trusiting God that my counselor does not handle.
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Postby mlg » Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:47 pm

bison *hug*

You know sis, it's good to see you surrender to the Lord and to recommit yourself to Him.

God does want good things for each of us, and yes sometimes He has to mold us by allowing us to face trials, but in the end, He is making us into a beautiful claypot. God is still working on you sis, He is molding you and making you into His beautiful creation. Keep allowing Him to do so.

Keep doing the steps sis. Keep moving forward.

luv ya
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Postby momof3 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 1:10 pm

awww, Bisonfan.........its so very awesome to see how the Lord is working in you. As you weed that garden, He is replacing all that hurt with love and truth. Its also so amazing when we begin to realize how much the Lord loves us and wants us even through and in spite of our shortcomings.

All the things you have been through, all the things you have seen..He wants to heal and use in you to reach someone else who doesnt know the hope they have in Jesus. Total surrender doesnt come easy..but you are doing an awesome job, sis. Keep going. He wants to do so much in your life and through your life. Isnt it mind-blowing to know you are a child of the King? *angelbounce*

Run the good race, sis. He is just getting started!

in Jesus,
love momo *Pray*
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.
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Postby bisonfan » Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:55 pm

I am so thankful for the encouragement as I have been walking this path it is easier knowing people are praying for me and one thing is I did not notice the growthuntil just recently when I looked through all the past posts and saw that God is starting to leading me and shaping me like Him because in the beginning yesterday at church I would have blocked Him out. I am glad God is coming back in my life now I just need to learn from HIm.


Day 6

I am back on the path I have a afew ideas of things I want to work on and to accomplish so the topics of my chart are going to be

Mind
1. Pray
2. Read bible
3. Spend time with friends
Body
4. Walk
5. Relaxing
Spirit
6. Listen to Music
7. Work on the steps
8. Forgive
9. Study areas of struggle and renew mind
10. Church activities or spiritual activity

I felt like there needed to be more of an emphasis on the spirit because this is where the biggest struggle and where the biggest battles are.
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Postby mlg » Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:35 pm

Wonderful sis, you have now identified the areas in YOU that need the most work, and have added them to your list...now open yourself to the Lord's refinement of you. wooohooo God is doing great thing in you, and I can definitely see the changes.

He is smiling on you sis.

luv ya
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Postby bisonfan » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:03 pm

Day seven

This is going to be one of the hardest steps to conquer because my mind dwells on the negatives it is a whole new way of thinking to focus only on the the positive and eject the others. For example right now I have been fighting the thoughts of hoplessness, worhtlessness and being a failure and to replace it with truth. about who I am in christ and my purpose but my natural instincts are the negative especially when i have heard them my whole life and now everyday. So the goal is to think on the positive.
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Postby foreverHis » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:39 am

i'm so proud of you Bison..... *angelbounce* *hug* *hug*
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Postby mlg » Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:49 am

Yep sis, think on the positivies and see how happy you will be. The negatives just make us upset and depressed, so push those thoughts aside, and allow only the good thoughts to make it through. You can do this sis.

It was good to get to chat with you last night.

luv ya lots
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Postby xxJILLxx » Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:24 pm

Bison i am very proud of sis!

Ive been following along and even tho i dont post all the time i am still here and am praying for u as well

Gbu sis

♥Jill
♥♥I strive to love others as Christ loves me... Ephesians 5:1 Be imitators of God therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love...♥♥
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