Christianity Oasis Forum

[lizzie]

Well I just typed this up, and then Internet Explorer had some prob and it all disappeared

I figure if for some reason the enemy was behind it, Im not gonna let him keep me from posting this So here I go again...

Im not married... YET but I do feel God is preparing me for that, and so I feel pretty comfy posting in here, hopefully you marrieds wont mind me doing so

I wanted to just share something that I heard last nite, on a program for married folks on TBN.

The host of the program, was speaking about how men and women relate to each other, and then he said something that was quite a revelation to me...

He said that women tend to expect more of their husbands, than they do of God.

For example, Women expect men to read their minds, and know what they want and do it, without them ever having to say or ask the men. Yet in the Bible, we are told that we are to ASK God for what we need and want, and to do so with determination and persistance... ASK SEEK KNOCK. Even tho God already knows our needs and our thoughts, He still wants us to Ask of Him. Yet with the men in our lives, we tend to either expect them to read our minds, or we ask once and then if they dont do it immediately, we give up... both situations that can lead to anger and bitterness and resentment.

We need to learn how to ask for what we want, and how to do so in a loving way and not in a way that is demeaning or insulting to our partners (which apparently is the difference between nagging and asking )

Would luv to hear what you married folks think about these theories

God bless you all

[Dora]

Guilty As charged!

Women, me included, can see what needs to be done and feel overwhelmed by it.

Men, in general, (not all men) just don't see it.

So when we see the dishes need done before dinner, the baby crying again, dinner needs started, laundry piled up.

They only see a few dishes, might as well wait and do the dinner dishes with the lunch dishes, the baby crying? He has ONLY been crying a few minutes. Dinner? Oh Yeah! Food! Laundry isn't left undone, it is easily assessable, on the couch. Who needs drawers anyway.

My interpretation of it anyhow. We think differently, see differently.

All the same information goes in but is processed differently. Lizzie is right we need to say, "Can you take care of ______ for me, please."

And sometimes explain how to take care of what ever it is.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Lizzie and Everyone

Cool question(s) and thoughts. I found them very thought provoking.

Even though I've not ever been the type to stereotype people, in general, I do see patterns. Now whether or not they are only true in my eyes, none the less I see them.

Women seem to gravitate to comfort more than men; however, women include more things into "comfort" than I believe most men do. Take for example: packing for a trip. Women pack volumes more than men, because we tend to think about the "what ifs" which might include band-aids, favorite headache medicine, cotton swabs, etc. Do we always find need for them? maybe not, but...we are prepared because it fell into what we deem a comfort. Now, I know I said "we" as if all women think this way -- but it is only how I look at things. If it does not apply to another women...COOL.

My own need for preparedness led me to obsessive/compulsive tendencies. They got out of control and made me fret. It truly used to tick me off that my hubby did not worry and think about those "what ifs". I considered his not thinking like me was him being irresponsible. He wasn't the only one, anyone that did not obsess over the tiny details was, in my estimation, irresponsible and a flit (a.k.a. flighty). Sorry, but I'm being very honest here.

It wasn't until The Holy Spirit led me into Truth that I was able to see that my own obsessive/compulsive thinking and consequential behaviors were in essence "not trusting God". Wow! What a revelation.

So, Lizzie, when you typed... "He said that women tend to expect more of their husbands, than they do of God."

I can agree with that, from my own experiences. I was not expecting -- nor relying on God, I was relying on myself, and I expected my hubby to rise to the occasion and think just like me -- CRAZY; thus, I wasn't allowing for the possibility that he might be relying on God.

Pride can come in lots of different packages. Not wanting to ask for something, can be a disguise for being prideful and wanting others to think you've got a grasp on everything and are not in need of anything from anyone. Inconvenience was always just that...inconvenient to my way of thinking and living. And I despised inconvenience. Makes for a lonely and perverted sense of oneself and life in general: spontenaiety gets lost and any beautiful and blessed move of The Holy Spirit goes unseen and unrealized.

There is such freedom in The Lord. woooooooohoooooo!

Once I was able to let go and trust The Lord, I could finally let go of that unrealistic ideology I had placed on myself, my husband and others. Asking is so much more fun than demanding through a silent yet grimacing spirit.

Oh, and by the way, I now love the way my hubby thinks, and I celebrate our differences. If I'm ever tempted by the tempter to think I'm having to do something because my hubby didn't -- The Holy Spirit is quick to remind me "No, you are doing it because The Lord has given you the ability."

God bless you, Lizzie.
Love,
Mack

[Dora]

Uh Oh I steriotyped. Sorry gals.

[---]

well there is an old saying..."I smell what you are stepping in" LOL
Yeah the stench can get to ya sometimes ... when you look around and realize you have been working on your own not in God's will in your marriage and making a mess for someone to step into. God will help you from stepping into that "smell".

Would also like to make a comment to both sides of this equation.

Mack is SO RIGHT in that men and women think differently....on different levels going in opposite directions sometimes..most times.
Let me say from living observation...men tend to expect just as much from a wife ... they tend to also assume we can read minds. In statements as honey that is the way I have always done it... or have been doing it that way for a while...dear.

In oh so many years of marriage I have found that in living together it is NOT a 50/50 proposition but it requires 100% from both parties without keeping count on what percentage you have used today.
It is a working living situation each and every day where we need to do our best to remember that we owe our spouses our best and patience to the utmost.
When that is addressed and lived to the best of our ability and beyond (depending on God's helping Hand)...the differences only enhance our marriages...after all we can blame or thank God for our differences He made us this way for a reason. I like to think God has blessed me with what John does not and he has given John what I do not possess. Two pieces of a puzzle that belong together working together through all the garbage life throws in our direction.

Off the soap box cecilia LOLOLOLOL

Many blessings to us all....we certainly need these blessings to get our foot out of what smells at times so bad.