Christianity Oasis Forum

[Roberta]

Hi Roberta its me again
I read you mentioning step 5 ,if it is the same 5 I know it reads
"we admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs" In that order, God 1st, ouselves 2nd then 2 another,
and look carefully-if U will- to what is it we're admitting, its the NATURE of our wrongs, not our wrong doings or wrongs that we continiously beat ourselves up with.

I don't think I get the difference.

Glad to hear that Roberta , the whole Idea is that U get involved in your own recovery, both mlg & myself mentioned 14 day, 14 step prog. OASIS offers, to which the only ride you'll need to get to is a pair of WINGS, I myself just "completed" a couple days ago , and this is after 10 yrs of AA,

If I did this, would I have to commit to 14 days straight? The reason I ask is because it's hard for me to go online on the weekends.

[mlg]

You emphasize the importance by wanting to reach out to God. See God wants to be your best friend, and He wants to help you through the times you are feeling panic. Forgive yourself sis, and get up and go. If riding the bus bothers you, then pick up the phone and call one of these organizations and see if you can arrange a ride.

Sis luv ya and praying so hard for you.

[Roberta]

Transportation isn't the problem. Even if I didn't have a bus pass, I do have two legs. (OK- it's a five mile walk one way, but I would do that if I had to.)

Motivation and justification are what is getting in my way.

[mlg]

Ok motivation and justification are getting in your way...tell me why? What's holding you back?

[Roberta]

Ok motivation and justification are getting in your way...tell me why? What's holding you back?

Motivation because I'm not so sure that I want to live my life with out my addictions. I can't see the future without them. I have been without alcohol since 7/1/08.
If life without Clonzepam is going to be like this, then I'd rather not give it up. I can't keep going like this.
I can't seem to quit smoking. I can't count how many times I've failed God on that one.

Justification... well I'm pretty good at justifying my way out of just about anything.

[Roberta]

hi
Vahn is really tough!....But also Vagn is completely right!

I can't say for sure that he's completely right, but he's not any tougher than I am on myself.

[mlg]

Well sis it's not justification but excuses. You have a whole bowl of excuses waiting and you just reach over and pick one out on why you can't or why you shouldn't. How about making a bowl of reasons why you can. Pick one of those instead of the cant's. And don't say you can't make a bowl cuz you don't have another bowl either

As for motivation. Things will be better, if you truly want them to be. As long as you want to stay chained to your problems you will. Besides Satan would love to keep you captive. But, Jesus wants you to be free. He wants you to be His butterfly and become a beautiful creation. Won't you reach out to Him?

luv ya

[vahn]

Roberta

I hope today will find u in a better frame of mind than your last post. If you look out ur window do you see any stars ? If U dont, does that mean they're not there ? But if you do ... no, I'm not going there !! you get the pic. Just b'cuz U dont see ur addiction as a prob. doesn't mean it isn't.

This is not a matter of Who's tough or Who's right, so far as I see from reading from the start, when given the "Sweet & Low" treatment, you resist it by it's not this, its not that , and when given the "Ajax" treatment you're saying I'm tougher than that !!

Here, do these lines sound familiar ?
"... well I'm pretty good at justifying my way out of just about anything."

"I'm not so sure that I want to live my life with out my addictions."

"If life without Clonzepam is going to be like this, then I'd rather not give it up"

Not only these lines came out of your mind , they also did mine and countless others 10 years ago, but I made it through the hoop - with room to spare !

Listen, this is how it goes, ( I dont mean to crowd ur pge) First I have prob.> Solution ? > alc. drg. Px Etc.> Problem ?>alc.drg.Px Etc.> Solution ? > uuuuuh, Dunno > ASK !! The only stupid question is the one that is not asked , however , if you're not to bother w/answer why ask the quest. in the 1st place ?

The reason more than one person recomended Rehab & 12 or 14 stp. progs. is the fact that we know these are the exact issues you will be facing should u decide to do away w/them, and in rehab you'll have plenty of time & resources , w/o the outside interfernce to gather your thoughts, face the facts & clear your head.

F.E.A.R. = False,Emotions,Appearing,Real.
"" = F , Everything , And Run .
OR = FACE, EVERYTHING, AND RECOVER !!!!

Wich one ? door #1 , door # 2 or door #3 ? Your call, Your life !

[Roberta]

The last few days got progressively worse. I couldn't stop shaking. Everything made me sick to my stomach. My heart was pounding so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. It felt like all of my nerve endings were on fire. I was sweating so bad that I felt like I hadn't had a shower in a week. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't hurt. I yelled at everyone for the stupidest things.

I woke up this morning and took a clonzepam so that I could make sure I didn't have a panic attack and I would make it to my meeting. My bank called to tell me my account was overdrawn. I took another and climbed into the shower. I got scared on my way to the meeting so I took another. I didn't wind up going to the meeting. I made it all the way to the parking lot and realized that it wasn't the place for me to be. I decided to go to the bank. I knew it wasn't going to be good at the bank and I was nervous so I took one more to calm my nerves. Places like K-Mart (stores in general) make me nervous so I took one when I went in there. I started back at my old job today. (I was fired from UPS about a week before Christmas because I had a major panic attack while at work.) I took one before work (like I've always done) and then took another while I was there.

That's 7 mgs. which is better than the 8-9 that I was taking while my soon to be ex was here for a week.

Right now I'm not sure what I want more, a cold glass of wine or a good night's sleep. I don't have any wine, so the sleep will have to do.

I'm not shaking. My heart is beating normal. My stomach was fine until a trip to Taco Bell for supper. My nerve endings are fine. No part of my body hurts. I'm not sweating like a pig or yelling at everyone.

If the depression would just go away that easily, life would be perfect.

I had a much better day today than I've had all week.

[mlg]

Sis, you were going through the withdrawls from taking these meds, as you know, but if you had just hung in there thos sweats and shakes and sickness to your stomach would go away....BUT you cannot do this alone. Your doctor knows what you need to do sis. You need to listen to your doctor. I'm praying for you. Things aren't going to get any easier, just because you took all those meds that you have been taking. The same problems will still exist. That's why you have to seek God in all things. He will help you through this.

So you made it to the parking lot for the meeting but decided it wasn't for you huh? So tell me...why isn't it for you? Someone who is taking that many meds....yeah you say they aren't illegal....but taking that many is more than what is prescribed...so what does that make it?

Sis you have got to quit allowing lies to lead your life. Seek the Truth and let the Light shine in and bring you out of the darkness your in.

luv ya so very much sis

[Roberta]

For some reason I haven't been able to get here for most of the day. I also find that I can't get to page 2 or page 3.

[mlg]

Roberta, they are working on the website. It should be back up and running smoothly in the next couple of days.

love ya