Christianity Oasis Forum

[Roberta]

I really did it. I had some unpleasant surprises and I abused Clonzepam to deal with it. I did not get my Lithium refilled and have now been with out it cold turkey for a week. I really need to go to the pharmacy. I can't drive. I have to take the bus. It takes about 3 1/2 hours to get there and back. Every time I attempt to go, someone places another responsibility on me that prevents me from going. I don't have the guts to tell them no.

I have Christian friends telling me that I need to follow my doctor's orders. I have other Christians telling me that if I really was saved, really trusted Christ, then I wouldn't need medications.

Without the medications, I want to end my life. I don't have a plan because I know that when I do get to the pharmacy, I'll get my medications and in a few days things will be fine again.

Can a person be a good Christian while relying on medications for mental illnesses?

[mlg]

Sis, Don't ever stop taking medicine without checking with your doctor first. God uses doctors and medicines to heal us. God sees our hearts sis, and He knows that we sometimes need the help that He has inspired in doctors and medicines. If used properly medicines are a gift from the Lord to allow Him to heal through others. The Bible states that some will be given gifts of healing...this doesn't mean the laying on of hands necessarily but also means that God will work through others by giving them these gifts.

Look to God for your answers in your search sis. He will never lead you astray.

Praying for you.

luv ya

[Roberta]

Thank you both. I have been back on the Lithium for two days now.

I am having severe withdrawals from the Clonzepam and the dr. nearly ordered me into rehab. She has told me that she will order rehab unless I go to NA. I told her that I couldn't go because I couldn't afford the bus fare. She ordered me a disabled pass which means that Monday through Friday from 10-2 I get to ride the bus for free and the rest of the time it's $0.85 (instead of $1.75 at all times.) I told her that I'd start going as soon as the pass arrived. It arrived today. The meetings take place at noon, so it will be no cost for me to get there.

Now I just don't want to go because I've been to those meetings. They all have addictions to illegal drugs. My substance addictions are alcohol, Clonzepam and nicotine. All perfectly legal.

Also, they are 12 Step programs. How Biblical are those?

[mlg]

Sis just try them. I hear the 12 step programs are really good programs. Let us know how the first one goes.

luv ya

[Roberta]

My problem is that my addictions are legal. Theirs aren't. Just because I took a little more of a prescription than I was supposed to, doesn't make me a druggie. The other times I did it, the doctor didn't do anything except wean me back down. I quite frankly don't get what the big deal is and I'm sick of the withdrawals. I don't understand why she is taking a hard line approach now.

I don't have to worry about being suicidal, the withdrawals are going to do me in..... at least that is how it feels.

[mlg]

Sis don't go into this program looking at the other people and their problems. Focus on allowing yourself to heal. Listen to the information in the steps. Seek God and come here and share with us your feelings. I pray that God will bring you strength as you begin to let go of this addiction. May He be your comforter during the times of pain from the withdrawls. Don't fear sis, God's gonna be right there with you through this and so will I, if you post here.

luv ya

[vahn]

Hi Roberta

My name is vahn and I'm a recovering alcoholic and a drug addict,
Does that line sound familiar ? Well if it does, welcome aboard . I know exactly what you're going through, "cause I'd been there. reading your post, seems you have multiple issues going on at the same time, withdrawing from one addiction going to another, regardless, withdrawal from Clonzepam is a very seriuos condition & shouldn't be done w/o any supervision, your Dr gave you a good choice with rehab, for usualy they offer detoxification first & then you make a decision wether to stay or not,
I'm not, by all means, giving you medical advice, rather , having gone through self detox , I would not wish that to my worst enemy.

How biblical is a 12 program ? As biblical you want it to be. It led me here ! But Roberta , Fist things First .

[Roberta]

Hi Roberta

My name is vahn and I'm a recovering alcoholic and a drug addict,
Does that line sound familiar ? Well if it does, welcome aboard . I know exactly what you're going through, "cause I'd been there. reading your post, seems you have multiple issues going on at the same time, withdrawing from one addiction going to another, regardless, withdrawal from Clonzepam is a very seriuos condition & shouldn't be done w/o any supervision, your Dr gave you a good choice with rehab, for usualy they offer detoxification first & then you make a decision wether to stay or not,
I'm not, by all means, giving you medical advice, rather , having gone through self detox , I would not wish that to my worst enemy.

How biblical is a 12 program ? As biblical you want it to be. It led me here ! But Roberta , Fist things First .

But I was fine. I came to the Lord in 1994. I was 29 years old. I was eventually reunited with my birth mom and forgave her for abusing and abandoning me. I'm still a little peeved at the state of SC for yanking me from her and putting me with even more abusive foster parents and orphanages. I found it interesting that they let another abusive family adopt me. But I forgave my adoptive parents as well. I had come to Christ so none of that was to matter anymore. When you get saved you're supposed to forgive and forget. The past is dead and buried and it can't be changed anyway.

In late 2004 I was at my OB/GYN's office because something was wrong. I figured I was going to have to have a hysterectomy. No big deal. I had my tubes tied in 1993, after the birth of my fourth child. She kept asking if I was OK. I told her I was fine. I have never been one of those weak women who just burst into tears. She prescribed antidepressants for me and gave me the name of a psychiatrist. Well, I had no need for the drugs or the shrink. However, I did take the medication. When I went back in for a routine check-up a few weeks later she asked me how I felt about the loss of the baby. I told her I was fine and I would take antidepressants but didn't the psychiatrist. I told her that women loose babies all the time and Christians have no reason to have depression, so I would only use the medication for a few more weeks.

I went home and very methodically tried to commit suicide. It probably would have worked if a friend of mine hadn't dropped by. She was an RN. She informed me that I either went to ER with her or she would call the police and have me taken in that way. Well, I didn't want to embarrass my family in small-town Indiana. Also, since my then husband and I were heavily involved in the jail ministry, it just would not look right at all. I went willingly.

While there it was discovered that I had a panic problem. I'm glad that was discovered because it meant that all those times I thought I was dying, I was really fine. That is when I was introduced to Clonozepam. I wound up seeing a doctor who thought that Clonzepam was great. He prescribed a lot of it for me. I worked at Wal*Mart. I was friends with most of the people who worked in the pharmacy. My friends kept warning me about the Clonzepam. But what are you supposed to do when your doctor just keeps giving you more? I begged him for something else because I knew the risks. He told me over and over that the fact that I was questioning him so much was a sign that I need more Clonzepam because I was paranoid.

A short time later in my 12 step support group I confessed to an affair that happened a week or so earlier. The woman who was leading the group was also the same RN friend who had foiled my earlier suicide attempt. I let her talk me into going into a BHU that was no where near where my psychiatrist was. They cut me down to 2 mgs. of Clonzepam a day and put me in a room right across from the nurse's station. My psychiatrist was the only one in the area who took my insurance. He soon had me back up to the same dosage as before. I stopped seeing him and just started going to my family doctor. My family doctor did the same thing.

I left my husband and moved to CA. This doctor has been very nice to me and is working to get me off of the Clonzepam entirely. It's not fair that I have to go through all of this. I didn't want to be on it to begin with and I don't think I should have to pay for the mistake of a quack in IN!

I'll probably never drive a car again, hold down a job, be a normal weight, have normal reflexes or even have the thick long hair I used to have all because of this quack!

Quite frankly, I think my current doctor should be proud of me. My abusive soon-to-be-ex showed up out of the blue on my door step. He didn't call or anything. He came from IN to CA without even telling me he was coming. He was here for over a week and I never took one single drink.

[mlg]

You know who's proud of you sis? Jesus is proud of you. Seems difficult to believe, but the fact that you are taking steps to heal your body, definitely shows Him that you are trying to make the right choices. No it's not fair sis, but you know lots of things don't seem fair but they happen. They happen so that God can become stronger in our lives. See if everything were so easy we wouldn't truly need God.

Thank you for sharing your story sis. It helps to understand where you have been, and it's really a great step in the healing process. God loves you so much and He will see you through all of this. You can do this sis.

I want to mention vahn a second. This man has been here for some time now doing the steps, he has been through much but with God's strength he is healing greatly as well. Glad he can understand where you have been and what is going on now. It will make this journey easier sis knowing you have friends praying for you. Myself included.

luv ya sis

[vahn]

Hey Roberta

One of the privilages I receive from communicating w/another alkie/addct, is that I get a mirror image of myself, that reminds me of my own past confusions ,which in turn makes me realize how blessed I am, to come out of all that w/o me having anything to do w/it. It was & still is only by God's Loving Grace that I had been able to do so, nothing else !, and I would like to thank U 4 that.

Now Roberta, let me forewarn U about my stance on recovery from ANY kind of addiction, I dont sugar-coat anything on the subject, and some of the things I say might seem too harsh ! If it hits home, I consider it a job well done on my part.

I hear a lot of "yeah-buts" in ur post, ie: "alcohol is legal" "clonopam is prescribed by doc" .....
It is NOT wether anything is legal or not that matters here, what matters is the fact that you're dependent on it to do something for you that you couldn't do for youself. I gathered from reading, you are well aware of the 12 stp. prog. has to say, especially step 6. which reads "We were entirely ready to have GOD remove our shortcomings" and why does it say to have God remove them ? Because we couldn't do it ourselves, which is precisely why we turn to other means first. Well you tried, I tried ,here's the click, we're both @ OASIS !!!

There is a 14 day prog. that OASIS offers, which is very similar to our 12. Soooo, drop the blame game, get off the pity-pot, do whatever you have to do to get off the Clono's,( Oh, by the way, Clono's are nothing but alcohol in solid form, w/50 time stronger in intensity - Any questions?) and get on with recovery OK ? DO , dont think about the footwork, DO IT.

Faith does move mountains - Bring a Shovel !!

If nobody told you they love you today - Allow me to be the fist to do so

[Roberta]

Hey Roberta
I hear a lot of "yeah-buts" in ur post, ie: "alcohol is legal" "clonopam is prescribed by doc" .....
It is NOT wether anything is legal or not that matters here, what matters is the fact that you're dependent on it to do something for you that you couldn't do for youself. I gathered from reading, you are well aware of the 12 stp. prog. has to say, especially step 6. which reads "We were entirely ready to have GOD remove our shortcomings" and why does it say to have God remove them ? Because we couldn't do it ourselves, which is precisely why we turn to other means first. Well you tried, I tried ,here's the click, we're both @ OASIS !!!

I'm somewhat familiar with 12 Steps because while in IN I attended a women's only group that used the 12 Steps Spiritual workbook. The group broke up when I was on about step 4 or 5. I did attend Celebrate Recovery when I first moved to CA. Then the dr. took away my driving privileges because my reflexes were no longer what they should be to safely drive. I can't get to these meetings without a car and no one else who attends lives near me. I've been turned down multiple times for a ride because people can't get off work early enough to come and pick me up and still attend the meetings themselves.

There is a 14 day prog. that OASIS offers, which is very similar to our 12. Soooo, drop the blame game, get off the pity-pot, do whatever you have to do to get off the Clono's,( Oh, by the way, Clono's are nothing but alcohol in solid form, w/50 time stronger in intensity - Any questions?) and get on with recovery OK ? DO , dont think about the footwork, DO IT.

hm...... have you ever trying sucking on one or chewing one? They don't taste nearly as good.

Faith does move mountains - Bring a Shovel !!

That's cute. I've never heard that one before.

If nobody told you they love you today - Allow me to be the fist to do so

Thank you, that isn't something that is said around my house.

[mlg]

Roberta, I smile to read some of the things you share with vahn. Sounds like it's definitely time to do the steps.

I will be the second to tell ya...I love you.

my sister.