Christianity Oasis Forum

[rain]

stepping stone 2

its been awhile since Ive actually stopped to think about the things that have been planted in my mind since I stopped doing this journal about a year ago. now I realize why I wanted to start again. in the last year Ive fallen so far away from God. circumstances in my life led me to start cutting again, not that I ever really stopped, and it wasnt until a few days ago that I realized how bad it was getting when I was freaking out searching through boxes of stuff in my new apartment trying to find my butterfly bandages. Ive promised so many people that I stopped, and Ive spent the last 4 or 5 months lying straight to their faces and for some people even longer than that. my garden is ripe with weeds and its time to pull them, I need this, its my last chance to start over and if I cant stay on the path this time Im just done.

[mlg]

rain, I want you to know, even if you struggle with the steps again, Jesus loves you so very much and you are forgiven no matter how many times you've had to do the steps. Ever think there might be a reason He is having you redo the beginning steps? Maybe He thinks there is something there that you needed more than once. Don't get discouraged, push right on through. Praying for you sis.

luv ya

[Psittac]

Rain:

I feel that your a stronger person who has done more things in your life then your willing to give yourself credit for. From what I've heard from you a lot has improved for you and even though you do have some very difficult things in your life that haven't been met head on that doesn't diminish the things that you have actually accomplished. As an outside source I can vouch for your strength and accomplishment and wish that you could see that part of yourself. In another post you mentioned something about getting back into the swing of things with Jesus and I think that's exactly what you should do, take those things that have been put into your life by those key individuals and nurture them, Jesus will help you do this. Try not to focus on the things that are going wrong because nothing can be attained by looking at it, only dwelling on that which you've already dwelled on more then enough.

I know you feel bad about having to lie to your friends about your cutting and perhaps it's something you shouldn't be honest about with them, I really can't say either way but this is something that very few people in the would can understand and it would be difficult for anyone in this world short of the lord to give you the understanding you need on this subject. What I do think however is that you should not worry about having to put up a fasad for these people, beating yourself up to keep them happy isn't what you need. Just don't worry about what they think because they haven't walked in your shoes and they couldn't comprehend what it's like to be in your place.

I know the place your in is a very difficult one, though I can't relate to many of the specifics of your life I can relate to the overall theme, a life gone wrong wanting desperatley to find a way out, and having been in that position and having found my way out I can firmly testify that Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour is the one and only reason I am not only alive today but living a life which is so close to being free from every last problem I once faced during those days I wanted to forget.

He gave me strength when I was weak, he pushed me through things I knew I couldn't over come and he will do the same for you. I pray for you and I know the lord is working hard for you right at this moment, it won't be easy to win this battle and it won't be over any time soon but I will ask you to put forth all that you have into this struggle to strive for a better life and I can promise you that you will find that better life some day and look back at these days and think wow I can't believe I made it through all that.

A quote from Paul

Romans 8:22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now

Romans 10:13 For "whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved"

[sweetlittleangel]

wow amen psittac brother! i thanks God for ur post, really blessed reading it.
yes rain, He will never give up on us, eventho we come to the point of giving up with ourselves. He is not finish with us yet..He is at work..maybe we cannot see an instant result..patient is the key..He has His own plan n purpose for us..in His time and in His way..since He too being patient with us..His grace is sufficient for us..He catch us everytime we fell..Jesus love u so much! He wants us to reach His hand and and trust in Him totally..keep ur focus on Him sis..let Him guide u..hang in there sis n run the race. u are doing great!

peace n love to u

[---]

Yayyyyy, Rain!! Way to get back on the Steps! We're all so proud of and happy for you!

As you look over your garden of weeds, what do you think might happen if you just went through with a "weed whacker" and just cut them all down? Very pretty for a day or two, but then the old ones are back . . . and probably a whole bunch more.

We're not walking the Steps to just get rid of the weeds. We're building our relationship with Christ and learning to walk moment by moment, and day by day, with HIM. We need HIS strength and HIS righteous -- NOT OUR OWN -- to truly get rid of those weeds.

I feel the desperation in your post, Rain, and I've been there. You and I both know that even in the greatest of desperation, our personal will and our personal strength will NEVER be enough. Eventually, we'll fall back and even worse -- just like weed whacking the weeds.

But in HIM!!!! Oh, my goodness!!!! Freedom and healing like we've never known. Unfortunately, it takes time and we have to be patient. But from the very first moment we genuinely open our heart to Him, He fills our heart with HIS love, and we feel His promise. We feel the promise that we don't have to lean on our inadequate strength or our insufficient will -- HE IS GIVING US HIS OWN FREELY AND COMPLETELY, WRAPPED UP IN A BIG RED BOW OF LOVE!!

Take the pressure off yourself, Rain. Commit in your heart to walk the steps to grow in your relationship with Him. Don't just try to "fix" this or that. Rejoice in every new glimpse of how much He loves you!!

He does love you, Rain, and so do we. Welcome back to the steps!!!

[rain]

step 3..

holy cow this is hard already. forgiveness is a tough subject for me. I understand that God will always forgive me of my sins and I will be forever in awe the Jesus gave his life for me.....and it really hurts to know that Jesus had to die so that he forgive me of my sins, thats something I definitely didnt deserve. I think a lot of the time I get caught up in forgiving myself and others, their are a lot of people in my life that have hurt me and especially recently Ive lost a lot of faith in God because of it.

[mlg]

rain you sweet girl, you know this study is hard. It's hard because you have to think about how to rid yourself of the things that have become such a part of your life. I even bet your a little afraid to do that too, as you have been hurt so much that you don't really know what it's like to feel the Love that Jesus has for you. Forgiving others who have hurt you is hard. Especially if the hurt is deep. But, once you do this sis, you can begin to heal, and that's what you need. You need to heal, so you can have happiness. Bet that even seems like a hard word to swallow. Your probably thinking how can I be happy with all that's going on and has gone on in my life. Well the answer to that is keep growing with Jesus. When Jesus is your happiness, then all the other things going on around you, will become easier to handle, and you won't be so upset when you face trials and tribulations. My prayers are with you, and keep pushing on. Go with God sis, and get on through to the next step.

luv ya

[sweetlittleangel]

Dear rain, i know its not easy to forgive when someone hurt us..been there..forgetting is even harder..but with God all thing are possible..once u totally let it go, u will found happiness and peace of mind that u never know before..He wants u have it sis..let Him take ur hurt...He wants us to give up the hurt..God loves u and have an awesome plan for ur life sis..nothing can keep u from His will if we locked in Jesus n refused to give up..ask Him to remove everything u are not n give u everything He got for u..love ya sis!

[Psittac]

Rain, Jesus Christ didn't die on the cross because you deserved it, he died on the cross because he loves you.

Forgiveness comes in two forms, forgiveness of yourself in what you've been part of and forgiveness of others who have caused you harm. I feel that the best thing for you to do is first remove the blame from yourself and understand that you've had a difficult life and often times there wasn't exactly a proper course for you to take. When life gets difficult and things are more then we can handle is when we need the love of Christ more then ever. Since you didn't have his love during those times you got caught up with people who for what ever reason were a very negative influence on you. For this you've beaten yourself up and it's time to stop doing that, understanding your wrong doing and admitting it wasn't right is one thing, taking all the blame for everything and beating yourself up over it is another. Once you can understand you aren't to blame for everything and admit that you made mistakes then you can accept the forgiveness of Jesus Christ through grace.

I think the next thing for you to do is look at all those people who have done down right terrible things to you, things that should have never happened to you, and once you can see these people for what THEY have done, then you can start to forgive them. Now don't take forgiving them as an automatic pass into being able to Accept what they've done but rather show some understanding that they too are living in a life just as difficult as you. These people used and abused you in many different ways which isn't right but seeing this is the path to forgiveness.

I've heard much of what you've had to deal with and I'm very sorry such terrible things have come into your life, you really deserve better. But now is the time to start living the life you've always deserved and that way of living is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has made the sacrifice to atone us all and through his grace he will lead you into the days of fulfillment. Anything that is difficult, he's right there with you, any part of you that needs to change he can make better. Always believe in his ability to bring happiness to you and it will come, no matter how things may look at the time or how far back things seam to be going he is always hard at work for the ones he loves. And one thing I'm certain of is you are one of his dearly beloved. God bless you and I will be praying.

[rain]

step 4....

holy cow. I dont like this already. the one thing I think Ive always struggled with the most is forgiving myself for things Ive done or things people have done too me. my entire life Ive always been the one to blame when things went wrong, and Ive blamed myself for a lot of stuff too.in the last few weeks and months Ive been struggling a lot more with it than normal but I think Im starting to realize now that its not my fault. I shouldnt have to blame myself for things that other people have done to me. to be honest, Ive blamed myself for the situations I was in with both my first and current step-dad, the freinds I had that put me in bad situations, and even that I turned to the blade to deal with it all because Ive never really known how to cope with everything. Ive always been everyones rock, for as long as I can remember Ive been the person that people tern to when everything is wrong and they need someone to lean on. everyone thinks Im a strong person, truth is Im not and I blame myself for putting myself in that situation too.Im always so quick to forgive others but never myself. I think most of the time Id rather take someones blame for them so that they can live their lives guilt free. it time to forgive myself for that. I dont know if I can ever really do it but I can sure try.

[lizzie]

Ever notice that we do the most growing when we are in uncomfortable situations?

You may not like what you are discovering at this point, but what if that is exactly the reason why God has led you to do this program again?

Because there were things within that have been pushed down, and now it is time to bring them to the surface and deal with them. Cuz if not, they are sure gonna keep coming back ever so often, bigger and badder each time. Keep at it, because tho truth can sting at first, it is what brings healing.

Trying your best is all you can do It is all about willingness, because the truth is, we are unable to help ourselves. We just need to be willing to let God heal us and obey His voice when He leads us into Truth. When we do our part, God does the rest. And you are taking action on your end by doing this program.

It is time for you to let go of of what God has already done away with. It does not exist in His eyes. Fix your eyes on the Lord and your future in Him and walk straight ahead.

If you only knew what a blessing you are I keep you close to my heart.

Luv u lil rainy

[mlg]

rain, it's so true that you can't blame yourself. Things that happen in our life, can sometimes be way out of our control. We are scared and don't know what to do, so we are paralyzed and couldn't do anything even if we tried to. So, no reason to blame yourself. I know it's hard to forgive yourself, but you can. It takes time, but you have to let it go. Set yourself free of the blame, and the pain. Let your life become a life again, and not a shadow of the past.

Keep doing the steps, I know they are hard, but I see you moving forward already.

luv ya sweet girl, and may the Lord bless you today and everyday