Christianity Oasis Forum

[foreverHis]

The abuser will control whom the victim sees, where she goes, whom she speaks to and what she does. This can take the form of simply not allowing her to use the phone, have her friends round or visit her family, or ensuring it simply isn't worth it by being in a bad mood because she left some housework undone, making her feel guilty that she was out enjoying herself while he worked, or even encouraging her - - to make friends, and then discounting them or complaining that she cares more for her friends/family/hobby than she does him or is neglecting him. Some abusers may move home frequently to prevent their victim from building a social support network.

Many abusers justify their control over their victim by stating that it is proof of their love, or that they worry about their safety when out, etc. In reality however, the abuser needs to isolate his victim to feel secure themselves, they feel as though any relationship, be it family, friend or colleague, will undermine their authority over and take their partner away from them, i.e. poses a threat. The effect of this isolation is that the victim feels very alone in her struggle, doesn't have anyone with whom to do a 'reality check', and is ultimately more dependant on the abuser for all her social needs

[foreverHis]

Forms of Isolation include:

checking up on you
accusing you of unfaithfulness
moving to an isolated area
ensuring you lack transport or a telephone
making your friends or family feel uncomfortable when visiting so that they cease
punishing you for being 10 minutes late home from work by complaining, bad moods, criticism or physical abuse
not allowing you to leave the house on your own or taking away your passport
demanding a report on your actions and conversations
preventing you from working
not allowing any activity which excludes him
finding fault with your friends/family
insisting on taking you to and collecting you from work

[morningrain]

Can say from past and present experience this is all true.

[flutemusic67]

Can say from past and present experience this is all true.

Me too, angeltears. It was long ago, but I remember quite well.

God bless you.

[foreverHis]

When thinking of Verbal Abuse we tend to envisage the abuser hurling insulting names at the victim, and while this obviously does happen, there are many more forms than name-calling. The abuser may use critical, insulting or humiliating remarks (e.g. you've got a mind like ditchwater; you're stupid; etc.), he may withhold conversation and refuse to discuss issues, or he may keep you up all night insisting on talking when you need sleep. Verbal abuse undermines your sense of worth, your self-concept (i.e. who you think you are) by discounting your ideals, opinions or beliefs.

Verbal abuse can include:

yelling or shouting at you
making threats
insulting you or your family
being sarcastic or mocking about or criticising your interests, opinions or beliefs
humiliating you either in private or in company
sneering, growling, name-calling
withholding approval, appreciation, or conversation
refusing to discuss issues which are important to you
laughing or making fun of you inappropriately
leaving nasty messages
accusing you of unfaithfulness, not trying hard enough or purposely doing something to annoy
blaming you for his failures or other forms of abuse
All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions. A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respects and promotes the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values.

[JCsmediator]

amen sis ... reading that list was like reading my life too and I have to say and share it is very damaging and can mess with ya life and relationships in future in so many ways but I too have to share God does deliver and heal wooo hooo ...

yall that feel this is it for ya and stay in it ya dont have to and those who feel like the damages is done is forever nope again God can and Will heal ya if ya want it ...

its very sad to live in bondage and walls and abuse ... never give up cuz

God is real and can amen

luv yall GB and keep ya ...

[foreverHis]

amen my sis