Christianity Oasis Forum

[josinella]

I'm trying to figure out my problem. God has been a big part of my life as far back as I can remember. However, I don't understand what has happened to me in the last 11 years. I have always been pretty responsible having raised 6 kids with a career and bills to pay like everyone else. God has blessed me with a good paying job but I act like a person who has to struggle (gambling and payday loans) when God has provided me the means to live comfortably. The last 3 months after getting paid, I go and blow it at the boat and then get loans to pay bills. As I write this, I'm getting a since of where this is going. My closest friends have died in the last 7 months, my husband will be 70 in August and is very self absorbed and offers me little companionship. It's all about him and he doesn't engage me much at all. Don't get me wrong, he puts a roof over my head and such, that's about it. He was baptised recently and thanked me for bringing God into his life.

So what's my problem. I don't seem to be addicted as far as the need to go gamble, I go only twice per month. It's like I am missing something. And in the mist of it all, God provides and blesses me. I don't get it. I get a sense that God is telling me He understands but I don't. Despite all this, my previous employer has called and ask that I work for them part time. Another blessing and ironically their servers are named: Mathew, Mark, Luke and John. Oh, I am a System/Network Admin. So why do I do that which I know that I shouldn't?

I feel alone, kids gone, friends gone and come home to my husband who talks about himself, his aches and pains and his dog (who is 14 and we have to keep the house cold because he says she's hot). I don't have a group of friends to hang out why. At work, I'm isolated. Every once in a while somebody comes by and talked. My friends work on the other side of the building (they were moved there about 3months ago). I have to stop doing this.

[mlg]

Hi Josinella,

Good to see you here at the Oasis. I am glad you came here to share your struggles. You know I just want to you.

I believe as you shared your thoughts you figured out why you are struggling. As you said you are missing something and are trying to find ways to fill the void. Gambling is what you are choosing to comfort you through this. So how about finding some Godly activities instead. Maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen instead of going Gambling? It will help fill that void with souls who need to know someone cares, while helping you take the focus off of you.

I am praying for you. There are many here who care about you. You can get through this. Jesus sure does love you.

Take care

[josinella]

Thanks, MLG

Even though I'm 61, I struggle with relationship issues and my own spirit. I'm in a bad marriage which I have commented on several times in the forums. I realize the error of my ways as I tend to find comfort in people that treat me the way I was treated when I was young, hate-love. I have been afraid to move away as I thought by my husband loved me and by buying a house for me and my kids, I thought that this was it. I didn't weigh all the issues prior to marrying him. I know what the Bible says about marriage, and I did put myself into this situation. (Sometimes getting married is the sin. People think that because you stand before a minister and say the vows, it is the oneness that God has called. The key for me is Oneness, the Trinity.) I am overwhelmed living here, and even with prayer and devotion, I find myself slipping out of Spirit and I'm emotionally overwhelmed. With that, I am leaving, leaving bondage. I hold a lot of hostility toward my husband and at times, like last night, he made me angry to my core and I lashed out. I apologized but is it my key to leave before something worse happens.

I think he is scheming something as I overheard him on the phone asking his brother for a divorce attorney recommendation. So I think it is best for me to leave on my own accord.

Thanks for being here, and I think that gambling will drop off as soon as I am out of here and in a spiritual mindset where I can be more receptive to the Will of God.

[mlg]

Josinella I am praying for you. May God's will be done in your marriage. There are many here for you and we love you.

[notforgotten]

This verse seems to fit me. It's something Paul once said. Some of us have a harder time than others.

7:15. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

[Dora]

I believe we all have our vices. I turn to wine to ease the uncomfortable feelings inside. The emotions I can't seem to control. Like anxiety and depression. Perhaps you're turning to gambling to help with your emotions. Lack of love. You're on the right path of trying to find the reason. The next step will be coping with the reason.

You are loved by an almighty God.

[josinella]

I want to thank everyone for your loving replies! I truly feel God's blessing and love here. I've been wrestling with my marriage for years. My husband asked for a divorce as he states "we do not care for one another anymore". I prayed after speaking with the lawyer that God's will be done and to forgive me of all my wrongdoing and to direct my path and my husbands.

My emotional life is clouded by my past, God has allowed me to see that I am still battling these emotions of abuse and self unworthiness. But through Him, All things are possibly. So once again, I acknowledge that this sheep has gone down a blind alley and needs the Shepard to bring me back into His light. I pray that God strengthens my faith and cures my heart. Thanks again faithful sisters and brothers in Christ!

[mlg]

Hi Josinella, I am sorry to hear about your marriage. I pray you will keep your eyes on Jesus in the days ahead. Let Him be your strength. We are here for you.

Big hug