Christianity Oasis Forum

[Lora]

Well I'm just going to jump right on in here and say why I searched for an online group such as this.

I am a female involved with a great guy, but several years ago I was involved with a woman. I had a very intense relationship with her and we were part of a group and I was out for a few years. Deep down I knew I could not be in that relationship and because I did not want to hurt my partner, I told God that I would rather be hurt than have her hurt. While I thought that I was being oh so noble in my prayer, I was WAY MORE hurt than I realized I would be. I was completely devastated when she ended it with me, and I was in a very dark pit for a very long time. (Be careful what you pray for. )

My issue is that life many years later is awesome now, and I feel free and healed from wanting that past life. I have no desire to be part of that life and want to keep going with the Godly man that I know The Lord created me to be with. However, I still have a lot of unresolved issues with this previous relationship even though I have a TON of healing. On some level, I feel no closure on my end. I have no real contact with anyone from that past life. I have no desire to be in contact with her specifically or our friends, but there are times that I do seek them out (from a distance) just to see what they are up to. I know this stirs up my pain and it throws me into confusion, and I don't do this very often, but once in a blue moon it seems I find myself checking in on this group of friends. I don't share anything with them because I don't want even a friendship relationship with any of them, but I just sort of glance at their group online to see if I can find out what's up with them. They are all still involved in the lifestyle and before you ask, no they would not accept any witnessing about the sin that that life is. They are all in committed relationships with someone and even seeking to be married. I also have no drive, desire or call to witness to them. I firmly believe that God wants to use someone other than me to try to reach them.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I also don't know why I do this seeking out from time to time. I pray and ask God if there is something more He is wanting to heal in me, and I am trying to be open to that, but I don't know what it is. I feel like I've gone a million steps forward out of sin and into His Glory, but then I feel like I am still stuck in those emotions of rejection and pain from that past life even if it's not as intense of a pain anymore. I don't even hurt actually about it, it just stirs confusion in me from time to time and I know Our Lord is not the author of confusion. I do not know what I am seeking or what it is that needs more healing or if there is something in me that's hanging onto something that I don't realize I have and I should let it go.

I have a lot of ideas and a lot of thoughts, but I can't narrow it down. I am praying and asking The Lord. Any suggestions?

I have looked over this site a little bit and it doesn't seem like there are very many people here or that it's very active (maybe it used to be, but things change and people do move on and that is a natural progression in life), so that might be a good thing. I also don't see anything about this type of topic. I realize many in the church are afraid of this topic, but it's out there and many of us do DO the hard work of getting free from this sin. The thing is ~ it's VERY HARD work and it takes YEARS sometimes and the people involved in this sin get VERY tired because the healing is VERY slow so they give up and go back into the lifestyle and believe they were not meant to be free of it. THIS is what I think most Christians do not realize. While God does heal people instantly, I don't believe He does that the majority of the time. The Bible does say "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling". The point is to "work it out" and that means hard work that usually takes time. It's not a matter of abstaining as many Christians who do not struggle with this issue think. It's really hard work. It's like a redesigning of your psyche and THAT is not an overnight thing or even a one year thing, that's a long term thing.

Anyway, all of that to say that The Lord helped me do the hard work over the years and I am now healed and free, but now I feel stuck and I'm unsure of what my next move should be. So I thought I'd tap into other believers and ask them if they hear something from God about this issue.

Thank you.

[dema]

I wrote you a PM. But in general, I do wish that those who read Romans 1 would also read Romans 2:1.

God is love.

And what was it that Jesus said on the subject?

[Lora]

Thank you so much for your message. I did respond.
I hope you are having a great day.
I'm off for the weekend ~ hope to see you next week.

[kimby]

Hi Lora,

This isn't a forum I am generally in, but I have been just flitting from place to place tonight and landed at your post. I was about halfway through reading it, wondering what thought or experience I could possibly have to offer you, when it hit me.

I took a class at my church once and one of the topics was on unhealthy soul ties. As I read your post, it seemed like I was reading a perfect description of one. The good news is that they are easy to break. Soul ties can occur in a number of ways, the primary one being physical/emotional relationships. The enemy can then use those ties to keep pulling you back to things that aren't for you. It sounds like you have received a great deal of healing and the enemy has very little power over you in this area other that to be bothersome and try to tempt.

During the class I realized that I had a very unhealthy soul tie with my mother (I felt very controlled by her, despite the fact that she wasn't overly controlling). I broke that and asked God to establish our relationship the way it should be. There was an immediate and marked difference. I didn't respond to her in the same way, and she was even different it seemed. Things are much healthier and happier now.

I spent three years living overseas at one point in my life. I fell in love with the country, the people and the life I had there. I was devastated and angry when God called me home. I managed the best I could, but deeply mourned the loss. Two years after leaving, I was able to return to visit and volunteer for a month. As the end of the trip neared, I recognized the old feelings of loss, mourning, anger, frustration, and hopelessness creeping in again. I emailed my pastor simply to let her know what was going on and asking her to pray. She responded and encouraged me to break the unhealthy soul tie with the country and the people.

Breaking a soul tie doesn't necessarily end a relationship, though it can, but it simply aligns it once again to the way it should be. It restores it to health if that is possible. In your situation it sounds more like you simply want to be free of any pull towards those relationships.

Breaking a soul tie begins with repentance for any sin on our part in the relationship. Forgive the person for any wrongs done to you. (I find it good to explore both of these areas even if you feel it is ground you have already covered.) Renounce any covenants made with or vows made to the person. (These can include things such as "I will love you forever" or "I will never be able to love anyone else". God can show you as you seek Him if there is anything.) It is recommended to get rid of any momentos or gifts that were exchanged if this is a relationship that needs to be ended and cut off. Finally, renounce and break any soul ties with the person. (It is as simple as saying something along the lines of, "I now renounce and loose myself from any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and ________, and I break these ungodly soul ties in Jesus' name.") You can repeat these steps for each person, group you need to.

As I was writing, another thought came to mind that may be useful. As you find yourself in the mood to check on these friends, have a chat with God about it. Let Him know what you are wanting to do. He can direct you in those moments. If the thought to do so came from the enemy, bringing it into His light will cause it to lose all power.

I hope some of this is of some use to you. I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing of your freedom in this area!

[Lora]

Wow kimby. As I read your reply, I was convicted and stirred by your words, and I am grateful to God for that. That tells me there is Truth in your words. I am glad that God led you to visit a forum you don't normally do. That as well speaks to me about what you have to say.

I have broken many soul ties off of the person I was involved with, but I don't think I have broken it off of the group or the other individuals in that group.

I believe you are onto something and I will work on this. I will re-read your reply and put it into practice. I do know that soul ties can be very deep and very strong. Soul ties are like snakes and they weave in and out of places within our emotions. So while I've cut many soul ties, it's completely possible that I have not cut all the ties and so I WILL look into this one.

Thank you so much for following God's prompting inside you to reply to me. I know I will obtain more freedom!
Hope we talk again some time.
Take care!