Christianity Oasis Forum

[abbrachelle]

I was abused emotionally for three months + by past boyfriends .... I currently have a boyfriend weve been together for six months almost but the scars from the past make it difficult for us to be together... will the scars of the past ever go away completely so I may have a relationship and love like god wants me to?

[Mercy&Grace]

The scars will get dimmer and dimmer and then one day they won't be there, like they are now. I know it seems impossible now, but it will happen.

[abbrachelle]

I do have scars from relationships before this last one, but they're still showing pretty well, and I'm unsure that they'll ever go away

[Mercy&Grace]

abbrachelle,

I know exactly what you mean. But, there will come a time when those things don't hurt or have a negative impact on you like they do now. The things is that often, we hang onto them without realizing it. We do this for several reasons, sometimes we think it will keep us from being hurt again. Sometimes it is easier to hang on to something we know, even though it hurts, than it is to let go and take a chance on the unknown. And usually we are unaware of exactly how we feel. All we know is that we want it to go away. We have to be willing to let it go completely in order for the Lord to Heal Us.

Sometimes we wonder where the Lord was when we were being hurt and why did He allow it to happen. So even though we want the Lord to Heal Us, Trusting Him can be difficult.

[abbrachelle]

I'm just scared that they're always going to be there, and that I won't be able to get over them completely... I do feel like I'm ready to go out and find someone but at the same time, I am scared that all I am going to get is a repeat from the past, just like my past relationship I don't know what it's like for someone to love me and not want to leave me by myself, and all I know is good-bye.. its pretty sad that I knew it was going to happen, and every time I thought it would, I braced myself, I just knew it was going to be that time, but he always caught me by surprise and said that he loved me .. and when it did happen, it was like every other relationship, it was unexpected and It hurt like hell

[Mercy&Grace]

I know that isn't logical, but it is often true. We stay in and seek out relationships that we feel confortable in. As weird as it sounds, you are use to being hurt like this, you know what to expect, there are no unknowns. And even though it is not somethng you really want and it hurts very badly, often it is easier to go with a known than a unknown.

[abbrachelle]

Yes and everyone says that next time it may be different, but I cling tight to reality knowing that I am most likely just going to get hurt again, so I don't try to go out and find anyone anymore

[Mercy&Grace]

We want guarantees, and there just are not guarantees like the ones we want. We want a guarantee that we won't be hurt again. But, that just dies not exist. What I can promised you is the Lord has someone for you. Although they may not be the next person you get involved with. The Lord is in the process of getting you ready for the one He has choosen for you. And He is in the process of getting the one He has choosen for you ready for you. And both of you ready for the all the things that your relationship will need. If you stay in the same place, you won't be moving towards the place you need to be.

If that doesn't make sense, please let me know and I'll think of another way to put it.

[abbrachelle]

I can say that the pain is over. I have found someone new ... finally, I feel alive, for the first time. Like I belong in this world, like I belong with someone, like I am needed, like I am wanted. I am loved and I know it

[Mercy&Grace]

abbrachelle, I'm Happy for you. There is a difference in having feelings for the person that makes you feel these things and for the feelings themselves. Go slow. True Love takes time to grow.