Christianity Oasis Forum

[JPChristianMan]

Hey, I'm new here. I'm almost 24, and I need a little advice on a situation I've got going on.

This is something that has been bugging me recently. It may not sound like that big of a deal to some people but it is a really big deal to me. I'm warning everyone now this may be controversial and a little explicit, but it is an honest issue that I am sure a lot of Christian singles have, but are too afraid to talk about.You see, after a long time of talking to different pastors and elders, and reading Christian material, I now believe that masturbation IN and of ITSELF is not a sin, but lust is. As many young and older men could attest, our desire for sex does not go away just because we believe that it is right in God's eyes to not have sex until marriage.
I went years and years begging God to take away my desire for that but He never did, I just couldn't stop, no matter how "convicted" I felt, no matter how much I thought it was a sin. And yes, I was sinning by my lust, just not through the act of masturbation itself. I also used to think God was punishing me for this, and it made me even more frustrated because I couldn't quit even though I wanted to. Eventually I realized that God wouldn't take away the urge to masturbate because He designed our bodies to function that way. I believe He provided that as a way to deal with our sexual urges until we are able to get married. While some people are able to abstain from masturbation all together, I would venture that 90% or more of the Christian singles out there could not do this, no matter how bad they wanted to. But, what I know God does want us to do, however, is to learn how to control our thoughts in regards to sexuality. So that brings me to the point where I am today, and this is where I need yall's help.

I have two issues I'm dealing with right now that I need help with:

1.) I have been trying my best not to lust/fantasize sexually about my girlfriend (who is a good, Godly young lady by the way), especially when I MB but recently I had a sexual dream about her, and that image is now ingrained in my mind, and I can't get rid of it. Of course it was/is pleasurable to think about, but I feel like it is a sin to imagine her that way
since we are not married yet (and even though I want to marry her and I'm trying everything to advance our relationship to that point, I still have no guarantee it will happen). That would be the definition of lust after all. And many times now when I MB, that image from the dream comes to mind, and I have to fight to push it out of my mind. The same goes with images she sends me, just friendly and funny pics of herself or her day, and although she means well, sometimes her appearance in the picture really turns me on even though I know she was not intentionally trying to make a "sexy pic." She is very serious about living according to the Bible and I know she would never try to make me lust after her. So my question is, what can I do to stop myself from thinking about these things, especially when MB'ing?

2.) Lot's of people have said to just "focus on the sensation" but I cannot achieve an orgasm if I do that, and don't fantasize about having sex. But I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because I don't want to sin by fantasizing about my GF. And I've tried the "imagine the act, but not a particular person" thing to avoid lusting after her but even though it works sometimes, her face always seems to pop into my mind at times when I'm attempting that. But I think that if I had more physical stimulation, like from a male sex toy (fake "V") that I could achieve orgasm with just the movement itself, without having to fantasize about anyone. As a still unmarried man, do you think it would be sinful to use a sex toy if that helped take care of my needs while avoiding lustful thoughts?

Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[mlg]

Hi JP welcome.....I believe you have some questions that many Christian singles have struggled with from time to time. God does not want us to burn in lust for anyone...in fact He would rather see us to marry than to do that....I am sure I don't have all the answers you seek and I hope others come along and share more, but just know we are here and we understand your struggle. Take care

[JPChristianMan]

Thank you for your comment, I really do hope more people reply in the coming days and weeks.

God does not want us to burn in lust for anyone...in fact He would rather see us to marry than to do that....

That line in the Bible has always bothered me greatly, because it makes it sound so much easier than it really is. I've been searching for a wife since I was 18, but all the young ladies I've met always seem too afraid of getting married, or they dont seem interested in marriage until their mid to late 20's, even the ones who believe in waiting for marriage (I wouldn't date anyone who didn't share that belief)! But so I feel like I'm forced to burn with lust because I can't find anyone to marry. And I dont understand why those past girls I've dated seem totally content to be abstinent for so many years. I know there are plenty of other things that go into marriage other than sex, and I am prepared to handle them, but do they just not have any desire? Is lust not an issue many women deal with?

Anyway, I really hope that my current girlfriend will agree to marry me, but it's still probably going to be a while on her schedule... she moves really slow and if it does work out between us, she probably wont be ready for marriage until 3-5 years from now :/ It feels like God is forcing me to remain a virgin until my late 20's, even though I've tried everything I can to find a wife sooner than that. I'll admit it makes me jealous to see friends of mine who are younger than me who are getting married, experiencing the true love AND sex that I want both of so much. I wonder why God deemed them worthy of having that emotional and physical pleasure at an earlier age than He is allowing me to. I know God has a reason for His timing but it still hurts and I don't understand it.

[mlg]

Hang in there....God will bless you for fighting the good fight of faith. He loves you and He wants good things for you.....I know sometimes our own selfish flesh can put up a good fight....but we have to turn to Jesus in those times...and keep on pushing through.

[dema]

I recommend you read the study here on divorce - I have the concern that you might marry because of the sexual desire. But marriage is a sacred thing. And too many of us have married to legitimize sex - one way or the other.

This is a difficult situation. God bless.

[JPChristianMan]

See that's the thing, I understand all of the other things that go into marriage aside from sex. I am prepared to do those things. The problem is, all the other young ladies I've dated in the past were not willing to put in very much effort, even though I was. In all of my past relationships, I held those young ladies up on a pedestal, I've been as chivalrous as one can be, and I've deeply, legitimately loved them and cared about them. I know how to be selfless and I love to make a woman happy. I want them to feel loved and I care about their dreams and aspirations. And it hurt in my heart any time I saw one of them fall away in their relationship with God, because I care about that part of them too.

That's the thing, when I was in those relationships, I was pretty happy most of the time, despite the fact we never had sex, but of course I still wanted it. But honestly, marriage IS the only way to legitimize sex. And it is honestly, people shouldn't have to wait until their late 20's, early 30's or beyond to have sex, and that's why there are so few people wait for marriage anymore, because they don't want to spend 1/3 of their life celibate. The changes and pressures of society are the only reason people don't get married straight out of high school or college like they used to. Back when the Bible was written and God's guidelines for sex and marriage were talked about, most people got married not too long after their bodies started craving sex. But back then, (God's people anyhow) were also taught at an early age how to treat a spouse right and how to work things out, so divorce was never even a viable option unless infidelity had occurred.

That's what I'm mad about. I'm mad that God gave me a intense, passionate heart to love a woman with and make her feel special, and that He gave me such a strong desire for sex, and then I'm stuck in a society that has changed people so much that so many people don't want to get married until later and later in life, fewer people are willing to wait for marriage because of that and thus lowering the moral standards of people in America, people don't seem to care about romance and being in love as much as folks used to, and people view divorce as an easy option. Divorce is NOT an option in my mind unless I was cheated on, and I know marriage will be full of ups and downs and disagreements, and I am willing to put in the hard work to work it out. But no one I've dated so far has deemed me worthy of fighting for. None of them ever cared about our relationship enough to fight along side me to save it. It was too much work for them and they all just gave up. No one has ever been as devoted to me as I've been to them, and that's why I'm so worked up about this. That's why I'm so worked up about hoping that it works out with my current girlfriend, because I'm tired of looking for "the one" and only finding lies, laziness, and failure. YES I really want sex, in a way that is good in God's eyes, but I also equally want someone who is going to be devoted to me for life, and I feel like marriage is the only (almost)-guarantee for obtaining that.

[SavvyDani]

Thank you for sharing. I've struggled for many years with "masturbation and waiting for marriage". I am at a place now where I would like to get to the root of it... for me I know it stems from things that happened in my chilhood. I've been single & celibate for many years... But have also carried the shame/guilt of my hidden sin...keeping it hidden has in some ways been tormenting for me... So Thank you again for sharing which allowed me to do the same.

Praying that my heart & my desires do not deceive me...that the enemy is unable to keep me blind in those areas that God wants me to be free.

-God Bless u

[Gods Sheep]

Stop focusing on your destination and start focusing on your journey...

[Parcy]

the problem with self afflicted pleasure is that you still would be considered as the two hebrew who splashed seed/semen on the ground/rock... and tho we not being under the law have a law unto ourselfs,.. others would judge us whether present or not as such, thus is the mechanisim effect being self pleasured by via only the mechanism without the lust still contain the same affect of judgement and if ones judgement does not judge oneself,..the loss of it would be considered bad in the potential of first fruits to the Lord ie a child. therefor is the sense of mechanisim already deep into the flesh, but its better to marrie then to burn with passion/lust,.. so for you not wanting to do it with lust is a good step in... now u gotta realize that the mechanisim of the flesh is so polluted/perversed that this is the only sense of satisfaction whereas other sentuality non self pleasure is out of the way,.. this meaning that we or in this state one is already in the paws of the devil in according to the fleshly nature,. whether one serves the Lord with the mind or not,.... but lust is the pinical of the sin,.. the other is spreading semen is onto the ground

by mechanical meaning sex toy

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